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Just need to vent...

chooch1216chooch1216 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Please forgive me for sounding alittle selfish for a moment...

I'm new to this board, just switching from Nov 2011 moms-to-be. Friday April 29 (11 weeks preggo) I started to bleed and Monday May 2, I had to be admitted for a D&C. Not the greatest feeling in the world with your first pregnancy. My entire family has been by my side all week. My DH has been my rock through this whole ordeal. Well this morning I had to drive him to the bus station so he could start his new job in Kentucky (we live in Mississippi). Cue the crying, I've been doing it all day.

So now my hubby is gone and tomorrow is mother's day. My mom informs me today, after I drop my DH off, that my entire family is coming over to my house for a Mother's Day bbq and swimming! Too late for me to say no.  I'm trying to be excited about seeing my family but finding it really hard. My DH is in another state, I just had the D&C Monday and now I get to have my whole family over for Mother's Day....

Am I being selfish by not wanting to celebrate Mother's Day this year? Did my family all of sudden catch a case of amnesia and forget I just lost my baby? My DH seems to be the only one that understands how I feel right now.

I apologize again for the rant, just needed to get that off my chest before I unleashed my anger on a family member.

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Re: Just need to vent...

  • evaslechtaevaslechta

    I would be upset too. I was only 6 weeks along when I mc'd and I dont really want to celebrate it either. Even during "normal" times I would be upset that I wasnt asked first before they decided to come over to MY house. I am guessing that your family is thinking that you shouldnt be alone on mothers day this year considering the circumstances. They probably do not realize that having to deal with people,especially those who know, can be very difficult and add more stress to the day then what would have been if you were just to worry about yourself and not a bbq. I will be thinking of you! Hope it ends up being a good day for you.

     

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • mommymoore2011mommymoore2011
    Sweetie you are in nooooooo way selfish in these feelings! I truely think that everyone who shares the feelings of loss would feel this same way. Even months after our losses Mother's Day can be really hard.  I want to wish you the best and if you are afraid of how it will turn out you can say something to your mother like "Hey, you know this is my first MD after my loss and it would be nice to not be reminded of all the mothers all day if possible, if I can't choose which events happen."
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  • dawnrob5dawnrob5 member

    you are NOT being selfish!!!! I cannot wait until this day is over.

     

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  • redlady22redlady22
    imagedawnrob5:

    you are NOT being selfish!!!! I cannot wait until this day is over.

     

    I agree you are not being selfish for not wanting people over at YOUR house and on Mothers day when you just lost a baby.  

    I can't wait until today is over 

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  • ClaraEarleneClaraEarlene member

    I don't think you're being selfish, but so what if you are?!  We all deserve to be a little selfish, considering the circumstances. 

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  • TnG05TnG05
    It is completely inappropriate for them to "inform" you that they are coming over especially today to celebrate.  I would ban everything that has Mother's Day on it from entering the house since you can't just ignore them ringing the doorbell.  You are in no way being selfish for your feelings.  I wonder if they thought they would be helping you by doing this but either way they should have asked first...smh at people.
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  • chooch1216chooch1216 member

    Thanks ladies for listening. I guess the day wouldn't be so hard if my DH was here with me. First time we've been apart for longer than 8 hours since we've been together. So not only am I miserable about today being Mother's Day but totally lost without my husband :(

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  • amandachsamandachs member

     First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I can totally relate to your DH being your rock, mine is what got me through that horrible week after my D&C.  I'm sorry that he had to leave out of town this weekend when your being inundated with family members. My loss was at 10w4d and I had really begun to think I was in the clear for having a loss.  And yes, it was my first pregnancy too. 

    Being selfish is absolutely allowed this weekend, IMO.  My loss was 6 weeks ago and I think my whole family lost their minds... My SIL called and wanted to know if I wanted to meet her to take MIL out to celebrate.  I'm in no mood to celebrate anyone else being a mother when I'm not about to be one. I told them both I was feeling unsociable this weekend and that I would be spending it at home, under the covers, and with a drink in one hand.  Her reply?  That having a drink wouldn't solve anything.  My response?  Well neither will celebrating Mother's Day with you and your Mom.  End of converstation.  Yes, it was selfish of me.  No, I don't really care.  DH backed me up, I had told him he was free to go spend time with them and that it wouldn't bother me at all.  He stayed home with me and kept me busy thank goodness. 

    This board is very very supportive.  We have all had losses of some sort and can relate to most of what your feeling.  They have been a great resource for me as I muddle through questions, feelings, and what/where to go next.  Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or need to get anything off your chest as you go through this process.  I'm in Texas so sometimes us southern girls need to stick together :-)  Once again, so sorry for your loss. 

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  • yogiwannabmomyogiwannabmom
    You are in no way in the wrong. People need sensitivity training of something when it comes to this. Some of the things I've read here or encountered myself are just too much.
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