SIL Vent (Really Long--Sorry!)

lesmanly0506 · May 2011

I am so upset with my sister-in-law. Here is a little background: my FIL has a daughter from previous marriage. He did not want anything to do with her nor did my MIL. My DH knew of her, but he had never met her. A few years ago, she sought out my husband and they reconnected and have become very close. I love her to death. Since they have reconnected my FIL has reconnected with her and my MIL still does not like her nor wants anything to do with her for whatever reason. Okay, that should get you up to speed. My husband's SIL wants to throw us a shower and invite all of our family and friends. My husband talked to his mom and told her that he wanted to invite his sister (the one she does not like) and she told him that if we invited her that she would not be there and she would tell the rest of the family not to be there too. So, several months back, my SIL told us that she wanted to throw us a shower, because she knew that my MIL would not like her being at our other shower. So we told her that she did not have to, but if she wanted to that we would come up with an invite list for her, which consisted of my mom, and some of my friends and friends of my family. We told my husband's SIL that my mom was throwing a shower for me too and that is why we took some of the names off of the guest list for her shower. It was scheduled for next weekend (May 14). I have been asking my husband to find out if she has sent the invites for several weeks. About a week ago, she tells us that she applied for a job in another city and that she has had 2 phone interviews. She was already talking about breaking her lease to move and she even started training a replacement at work. Her daughter is 18 and in college and she sent her daughter to the new city to hunt for apartments and to register for school (her daughter is supposed to watch our son for us, so we don't have to use daycare), because she is sure that she is getting the job. This whole time she was planning on moving to the new city next week. My husband asked her about the shower then and she said, "oh, well I would have it at your apartment." We were fine with that. Then last night, my husband was asking my SIL if she had heard anything about the new job and she said that she did not get it and that she was in a bad mood. He then went on to tell her that I get to go to the shower that my co-workers are throwing for me, because I had to get special permission from my OB since I have been put on bed rest. My SIL then says "well, why do I have to throw her a shower?" My husband told her that no one told her that she had to throw me a shower. That is was all her idea in the first place and we even told her that my co-workers were planning on throwing me one at school. He gets a text message from her today saying that she's not throwing me a shower next weekend. It really makes me mad! I'm fine with her not throwing me one, but for months don't tell me that you are and have me create a guest list for you and then a week before you tell me that you are not going to do it! For months, she has been telling me that she and her daughter are so excited about throwing me this shower and how they have ordered the invites and that they are so cute and blah blah blah! How could you do that to someone, not to mention your own family!!! I would never think of doing that to somebody! Now, how do I tell my husband's SIL that we want to add 15 people back to her guest list? I'm sorry this is so long, it's just that I'm very upset and had to vent!

Jordan1234 · May 2011

That is really crappy of her. Like you said, she doesn't have to throw you a shower. But, she said she wanted to and you made arrangements around that. Without knowing anything else about your SIL it sounds like she's a bit immature and selfish. Did she ever send out the invitations? At least it sounds like your husband's other sister is more responsible. Hopefully she won't mind the additions to her guest list. Sorry that you are going through this!

JennV514 · May 2011

That is very rude. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. She should be ashamed of herself cancelling your shower the week before it's to be held.

pixiegirl131415 · May 2011

Jordan1234:
That is really crappy of her. Like you said, she doesn't have to throw you a shower. But, she said she wanted to and you made arrangements around that. Without knowing anything else about your SIL it sounds like she's a bit immature and selfish. Did she ever send out the invitations? At least it sounds like your husband's other sister is more responsible. Hopefully she won't mind the additions to her guest list. Sorry that you are going through this!

ITA. How rude of her to offer and then, after you've made arrangements, to bail. And if she had gotten the job and moved with her daughter that fast, that's really short notice to have to find new childcare! It seems like she didn't really think any of this through as far as it effecting anyone but her.

lesmanly0506 · May 2011

Update: It keeps getting better and better! She just sent DH an e-mail saying that she has made a decision and that she WILL be moving in 2 weeks! OMG! I want to strangle her!!!!

lissiealkie · May 2011

That is such a bad situation she put you in. Maybe that's why no one wanted anything to do with her. Try to stay calm about this as hard as it is. I know from experience how frustrating showers can be. Just tell your husband's SIL about the situation and ask her if it would be a problem to invite them. I'm sure she wouldn't mind considering the circumstances. But if she can't do it, like if she doesn't have room for additional people or for some other reason, throw a small shower or do a meet and greet for them yourself.

lesmanly0506 · May 2011

Jordan: She never did send out the invitations! My DH is so very upset, I think more so than I am. Sad

ajmasl · May 2011

that sux! but from the looks of it, she is somewhat messy in her own life (i.e. saying she's not moving, then saying she is) so I would be cautious in relying on her for anything. I'd just stick with the the other shower you have planned and let it go. It's not worth your stress.

lesmanly0506 · May 2011

I just want to say that my husband's SIL is the best!!! I talked to her today about adding those people back to the guest list that I took off for my SIL's shower that cancelled on me and she said she had no problem with it! It's all going to work out and I don't have to stress over it now. Thank you all for your support and listening to my vent! I really do appreciate it and want you ladies to know that you ROCK!!!

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