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December 2010 Moms
Confession: I'm a crunchy granola mom
I never thought I would be but I'm a total attachment parent, hard core granola momma.
I'm a little rigid in my views too.
I'm 100% in support of breastfeeding except when the mother is unable to and believe it should last longer than 3 months.
I'm 100% against my definition of CIO (leaving your child to cry on their own until they stop).
I'm all for co-sleeping/bedsharing and baby wearing.
I'm not totally against disposable diapers but don't really understand why you would chose to use them when cloth is sooo much better.
I don't feel the need to leave my child with someone else so that I can have "me" time all the time or even most of the time.
I miss daily adult interaction but being a SAHM is super important to me. I can't imagine trusting the care of the most important thing in my life to a stranger, even one I've investigated and reviewed.
I believe wholeheartedly that my child is capable of telling me what he wants and when in regards to eating and sleeping. I don't need to force food on him or worry that he's not getting enough/what he needs.
And lastly, I don't believe that any of the things I've listed above are going to ruin my kid for life.
Just sayin'.
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Re: Confession: I'm a crunchy granola mom
Now that would be a lot of badges!
I don't think any of the choices we make will ruin our kid for life (with the caveat of the totally crazy abusive people, of course) - even the ones you wouldn't choose for your family. Every mom makes the best decisions for her particular family / situation.
You're awesome. I like this.
Me, too! But, I knew I was going to be this way. That said, I feel really uncomfortable judging other moms for feeling differently. The crunchy style is just my own personal deal.
I tend to pick a direction and run it into the ground.
It seems I was that way about motherhood as well.
I'm very fortunate in that not only have I settled on a direction but Mr Techie completely supports me and agrees with me. That makes it easier, I think.
Our kids are still pretty young, I think you still have time to figure it out.
I am not uncomfortable with judging some choices. I think it comes from feeling very, very strongly about some of what I listed. That being said, I'm not going to openly slam someone for going opposite of what I believe.
I searched the interwebz for a conscise definition and found this:
Today I had to explain to my husband the phrase "crunchy mom." I had to back him up a few decades, to the days of the free spirited hippies. That's when phrases like "granola" and "tree huggin'" began to bloom. Granola is crunchy ... ya-da-ya-da-ya-da ... you have crunchy moms.
I'm learning that there are various levels of crunchiness. I don't quite hit them all, but I'm a fair balance - thereby deeming myself (as of today) a pseudo-crunchy mom.
Basically, if you practice one of the following, you are on your way to the snap, crackle, CRUNCH:
extended breastfeeding (beyond a year)
cloth diapers
homeschooling
drug-free births
baby wearing
adoptive breastfeeding
co-sleeping or family beds
full-time parenting
lol, just remember to wear your lab coat and safety goggles and it'll turn out ok!
Me too. Luckily I live in Canada where a lot of our social policy (one year paid maternity leave and all these random cheques I get from the gov't for having a baby) helps my decision.
I'm also lucky that DH works night shift and I can go back to work part time so that we do not need child care for A. next year.
Everyone makes the best decision for their family. But every time I read about the first time a mom has to leave their baby at daycare and how they are spending every break they have at work pumping, I really feel for them because that must be so incredibly difficult.
HA! and
Me too!
I know me too
. My sister keeps saying how she would never breastfeed and it gets under my skin.
I'm also shocked to report that I'm semi-crunchy! BF, and I just want to keep being a SAHM!
2 babies in heaven (mc)
Blog: ForLoveofCupcakes.com
I feel ya! But, I really only have a few "soapbox" issues where I feel strongly enough to judge. One of them is I have no patience whatsoever with people who adopted pets when they really wanted kids and then get rid of the pets when they actually do have kids. Guaranteed to make me flip my lid!
I really admire when people are able to be so decisive because that's my biggest downfall, I think. Me? I'm not so much crunchy as I am more like chewy granola, lol. Meaning, I very much believe in your last chunk:
And lastly, I don't believe that any of the things I've listed above are going to ruin my kid for life.
But for the rest of what you said, I'm either not sure yet or I disagree. So yeah, I'm more like chewy granola. With chocolate chips. :-)
I'm probably chewy granola like pp mentioned and do some of the things you listed. The two above are very important to me though. I've always known I've wanted to be a SAHM, but the second one has been such a surprise. Until I had E, I had no idea that a baby truly does seem to understand what he/she needs in terms of eating and sleeping. I've been able to work out a loose routine (and I say loose because it does change every few weeks) based on where he's guided me. It's really been eye-opening to go this route with him because I'm normally such a time-scheduled person. But, this works for us!
Since I don't know how to quote two quotes in the same post, here's my second post.
Yes, yes, yes, this is a HUGE soapbox issue for me. One of my dogs in particular has just always been there with me through so much. He was not a fan of the baby when we came home from the hospital, but DH and I worked with him and set up a lot of boundaries and now that dog is sooooo much better with LO. I couldn't imagine for even a second giving up a dog that had been so loyal to me just because he was having difficulty getting adjusted to a new family member.
Off soapbox now.I'm actually becoming less crunchy than when I started.
When she was born, I wore her in the Moby for almost all of her naps. I've been demand feeding and doing anything possible to make sure she never cries. It was working just fine for a while, but she stopped sleeping well recently, and now she nurses too much at night and doesn't eat enough during the day. We've been co-sleeping, and she has decided lately that she will only sleep at night if my nipple is in her mouth.
My tits are sore, I'm exhausted, and the lack of a schedule is starting to drive me nuts. I am starting to look into different philosophies now because this one is no longer serving my family or my sanity.
I'm happy it's still working for you though. I enjoyed it while it lasted...
I'm with you on everything except the bedsharing. I nap with Tadhg but nighttimes with him attached to my tit SUCK! (a little unintentional pun... tee hee).
Also, I'm sure we all judge everyone else a little based on how we feel strongly about but all babies are so different/everyone's life is so different. You really can't judge anyone until you walk a mile in their shoes, to go all Atticus Finches on your azzes.
I like to think of myself as the slightly sweetened granola that comes with McDonald's yogurt. Totally non-organic, but crunchy none-the-less.
That being said, I am this way because I feel like I am doing what is best for my family and my situation. I feel like the true definition of Attachment Parenting is listening to the needs of your child and meeting them in the best way you can. Period. Not every APer cloth diapers or breast feeds or co-sleeps/bedshares or is anti CIO or anything that you mentioned. If the parent is doing their best, listening to the needs of their child (above their own wants),and doing their absolute best to meet those need--- they are forming secure attachments with LO (and essetially, APing).
To me, going into parenting saying you are going to bedshare because you think it is right is no different than going into it saying crib or bust-- neither decision was based on the needs of the child (which is not wrong at all, just not AP to me). Going into parenting trying different things to meet the needs of your child (if they need to be close- bedshare, if the sleep best with their own space-p'n'p or crib)... well, that is AP to me.
I practice every single one of the things you mentioned in your OP because they are right for my daughter and they work for her. A lot of crunchy mamas practice the same things because it is the most natural way for them to parent and it works well for babies... but just go on the AP board and you'll find such a wide variety of parenting methods! If one of the things I was doing stopped working for my DD, I would change it in a heartbeat.
I appreciate your passion for parenting, but I honestly think it is misguided. I would never ever ever judge a parent for making educated decisions and doing what was best for their LO and their family-- regardless of how it compared to my choices! I might side-eye or judge someone for making uneducated decisions or for doing what was most convenient for them at the expense of a child, but to me that is very different. Different =/= bad. I am a slightly sweetened, non-organic, crunchy granola mama because it works for me and I love it... if it didn't work, well that would be okay too. ::shrug:: I guess this is a soapbox for me afterall.
Dx MTHFR (C677T & A1298C, Compound Heterozygous)
FYI- some info from the AP Board:
Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology.
Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments.
I judge people who judge other mothers when they have no earthly idea what is behind that individual's informed and researched choices.
Totally agree with all your points, and I also regularly describe myself as having hippie tendencies!
I will add to your list the following:
I don't believe in feeding your baby any sort of solids until they're at least 6 months old, and when that happens I will be feeding organic, homemade purees, and continuing to BF of course.
LO plays mostly with "old fashioned" type toys... you know, ones that don't light up and sing, etc. He has some of those, too, for variety - but mostly it's Haba and Plan kind of stuff. I don't think kids need all those plastic junk toys.
I've always been a bit crunchy granola (since I was a kid myself), but it has come out full force since becoming a mom! I am shocked how much I believe in breastfeeding, in particular. I used to say, "If I can do it, great, if not... oh well." But once I had DS, even through 2 months of difficulties, I was hellbent on BFing. I even now attend a BFing support group, which trust me - I would have made fun of those La Leche League types before having a kid. It seriously surprises me how I've changed.
ITA 100%. We kind of stumbled into an AP style of parenting because that's what works for our son and our family, but I firmly believe babies are not one-size-fits-all, so its hard for me to say what I'd do if my baby or my family dynamic were radically different. I am happy with and proud of the way my family runs, but I don't like it when others judge my choices, so I try not to judge others (unless of course they're doing true harm to their child.)
Also, it always confuses me that environmentally conscious practices and AP style parenting are so often lumped into the same category. I know both seem to be popular with a certain type of "crunchy" family, but I see CDs as more of a lifestyle choice than having anything to do with the relationship between me and my son. KWIM?
It's always interesting to see the turns threads take on this board.
I'll reply a bit more later but I'm on the downswing of a migraine and I have a crankasaurus on my hands right now.
seriously? I feel like the way you put things you're looking for at least a little backlash. I disagree with you on mostly everything, but honest to God.. if you really want to spread the CDing, baby wearing, "attachment parenting" gospel you should try to go about it in a less holier-than-thou way.
We practice everything on your list also but it is not at all what I had planned or thought I would do, aside from cloth diapering...that I planned to do as long as it worked for us. However, I think that when people post things like this it makes people who practice the same things look militant and judgmental when in reality, most of us stumbled onto these things because they worked for our babies.
Me too. The term makes me cringe, big time. I've been called crunchy many times in the past, simply because I'm a vegetarian. I really hate that word.
Also, I agree with you, Katie. We're all doing what we think is best for our children. There is no set way or right and wrong.
And the point of this post was... what?
I swear, whenever I see stuff like this, part of me hopes that their next kid can't BF, hates being worn, baby won't sleep when co-sleeping/bedsharing but LOVES the crib, has colic and doesn't STOP crying, has nothing but yeast infections in CD but can wear disposables just fine, etc. etc.
Because I'm an evil btich like that.
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and you are not alone!
For f*ck's sake people! Title of thread is "Confession..."
The intent behind this thread was a reflection on my parenting style. Me, a hard core-education/career driven-do everything by my five year plan-type A to the bone, person that is not the type of parent that I (or anyone who knows me) thought I would be. But, as so many of you have condescendingly pointed out, I went with what works for us.
I'm aware that "crunchy granola" is another way to say "attachment parenting", thanks. AP isn't as entertaining of an image when you compare a chick in a suit to a flip-flop tree hugger hippy, which is what was playing out in my head.
I find it interesting (from a scientific/psychological perspective) that so many people felt the need to stand up and defend the fact that their style was not the same as mine- and those who agreed with me- and they were ok with that! I re-read what I wrote and it's not holier-than-thou. I can spot bullsh*t pretty easily and my thread was not in that vein at all.
It seems to me that reading the way *I* parent has gotten under other people's skin. I don't jump on anyone who doesn't wear their kid, or leaves them in a crib to sleep, or drops them off at a babysitter/daycare during the day and never have. I'm not comfortable with versions of CIO and disagree with many of them. I've also wholeheartedly supported friends who needed to use a version of that technique to calm their kid down.
Some people got the point of my post so I know it's not as ambiguous as a few of you are making it out to be.
Okay, I don't hope what curly dog hopes but wth is the point of this? Life happens and we roll with the punches. Not all of us have the most ideal situation and we make the best of what we have. Great for you but why judge other's?
Techie, your OP really wasn't really a confession. It was more a list of things you do as a parent with your opinions attached to them and compounded that by saying you're rigid in your views. That's what's pissing people off. Examples:
"I....don't really understand why you would chose to use them [disposables] when cloth is sooo much better"
"I can't imagine trusting the care of the most important thing in my life to a stranger, even one I've investigated and reviewed."
If you'd just left it at "I thought I'd be THIS type of mom when I really ended up as THAT type of mom", people wouldn't have reacted.
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