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Babies on the Brain
iteachk
member
If your husband doesn't really "do" Mother's Day, birthdays, etc...
iteachk
member
Does it bother you?
I grew up in a family that celebrates (and by "celebrates," I mean gives gifts) every holiday. I go out of my way to find special gifts for everyone in both my family & in DH's family. More than just gift-giving, I want people to know they are special to us and want them to feel appreciated.
DH is super cheap & doesn't really do gifts for me, or anyone else, for that matter. He does get me a card (upon request) and if I ask for something specific (and inexpensive) he usually gets it for me. For Mother's Day, I asked for a gift card for a massage b/c I've been really sore lately, and DH is too exhausted at night to even ask him to give me a massage himself. He said okay, but last night, said he really didn't have time to get the gift card, so I could just get a massage whenever I wanted. It made me sad; I just want to feel special/appreciated in SOME way on Mother's Day.
I try not to ever complain, b/c honestly, DH is amazing in every other way. He works long, hard days, but still comes home & is a great daddy & helps me around the house. I've never had to ask him to pick up after himself, he is completely selfless, and he never gets upset with me for anything or complains about anything. I guess he's sweet & appreciative every day, so I shouldn't need anything extra on holidays.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Maybe I just needed to be whiny & vent.
Anyone else have a DH who doesn't really "do" holidays?
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Re: If your husband doesn't really "do" Mother's Day, birthdays, etc...
I usually get a Christmas gift and birthday gift every year (though he does tend to ask me what I want instead of pick something himself), but other than that he's not a big gift person. I'm not either so it doesn't bother me. We usually do a nice meal for things like Valentine's Day, Mother's and Father's Day, anniversary, etc.
It's weird when he's deployed because then he gets me gifts and/or flowers for almost everything, probably because he can't be here to do a nice meal or have a day out to celebrate. It's so off from how we normally celebrate things that it's almost awkward for me sometimes. LOL
it's actually the other way around for us. my husband always gets gifts for his siblings and parents/grandparents. in my family we just don't do gifts. if we are really splurging we will get someone a card. most of the time i don't think to get him anything. if he asks, i will, but i often wonder what the point is. we just have a totally different mindset.
we have talked about it, and since then i've tried to make more of an effort to recognize special occasions. have you mentioned this to him? of course while mentioning all the wonderful things he does do.
:::raises hand:::
you are not alone.
TTC#1 Chart
TTC#2 Chart
IUI #1 - #4 (repronex trigger) = BFN
IUI#5 on 10/28/2008 ** BFP 11/10/08 ** EDD 07/21/09 *** It's a GIRL (07/14/09)
med/treatment free BFP 06/28/10. EDD 03/05/11 *** GIRL #2 (02/23/11)
beta#1 @ 17dpo = 1296 .... beta#2 @ 19dpo = 3034
it's the Bug and Baby Belle!
OMG. I love you even more than I did before.
Yes! It drives me crazy. This Christmas he said to me (on December 23rd) "While we are out shopping today, pick something out for yourself. I didn't know what to get you." I wanted to kill him.
But like you, I grew up in a family that made a big deal about holidays and gift-giving. Mh did not.
I recently sent him an Amazon wish list so he would have no excuses. Cool thing is you can add stuff from any website, including Etsy. Not that it would help your husband since he doesn't have the time. LAME.
I could have written this post.
MyDH usually signs both his first and last name in cards, so I know who it came from and usually the cards don't make any sense coming from him. I on the other hand spend hours searching for cards for people.
I have just started talking to DH about what I want for the holiday and usually I end up buying it for myself. It is not romantic or sweet, but at least it is something nice or something I can actually use.
You have described my husband. I was online today on QVC to buy his mom a ring that I know she liked, and he said "oh, and get yourself something for mother's day too."
Yeah, no thanks. I can buy myself a gift any day. Last year I bought myself shoes. This year he's on his own, and if I get nothing, I get nothing. It's annoying and makes me sad, but its fine.
I've started doing this and my gifts have gotten better ebcause they are things I like!
Yuppers. I'm part of this gang. Partly it's just because my DH was always broke, partly because he thinks cards/cut flowers are mostly a waste.
At least for birthdays and Mother's day he usually gets me a card anyway, or we have a nice meal/spend time together. He used to buy me books, but they were always really books he wanted to read.
He actually asked if I would mind if he stayed at a friend's Saturday night and came home Sunday night since he's the one taking DD to her dad's this weekend.
I told him the thought of spending Mother's Day alone growing his daughter made me feel stabby. He realized it was a crappy idea pretty quickly after that..
DH goes through phases where I will only get a card for something or he will go all out. For my birthday I got a $200 spa gift card, an iPhone and and $50 iTunes gift card to go with the phone. It doesn't really matter to me either way. He probably figured I was going to get the phone and put apps on it anyway so he went ahead and bought it for me.
I think in my family growing up we tended (and still do but I am trying to stop it) to way overspend and over do on gifts. I don't think it is necessary. I don't know if you have read the book about love languages but my sister and my dad both have the love language of gifts for sure and take this very seriously. I am good celebrating Christmas and relaxing and spending time with my family. Gifts or no gifts. I don't feel under appreciated by DH if he doesn't buy me something. He shows me appreciation by helping me do things and spending time with me.
my husband usually is a card with a gift card inside gift giver or like last year for mother's day he knew I had my eyes on a pair of curtains so he went and got those (which is why I was shocked when he showed up with flowers). Growing up my family was big into gift giving and keeping things a surprise and I tend to be the same way with giving gifts whereas my husband shrugs his shoulders and doesn't really care. I asked him the other day if we were going to do anything for his/my mom for mother's day and he said a phone call will do.
Usually for birthdays/holidays it is a card and dinner. Infact 2 Christmas's ago I got him a card and he didn't get me one so he "recycled" the card I gave him that evening and gave it back to me with his named signed in it
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)