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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Disciplining a 9 (almost 10) month old...?
**** UPDATE: Okily, to clarify... I didn't mean discipline as in smacking, time out, punishing him etc, I meant I would like to modify this behaviour. Discipline is the only word I could think of, "train" doesn't sound much better! 
I don't want him to not blow raspberries EVER, I don't want to ruin his childhood, I know he's only a baby, I know that there's only so much he understands and I know he's not being naughty.
Also, some very lovely ladies have given me great advice that I'm going to try so thank you all.****
How do you ladies go about preventing unwanted behaviour? Just recently DS has started blowing raspberries during meals. It's usually towards the end of the meal. He has food in his mouth and sprays it. It's gross.
I'm not sure how to prevent it with him being so young. I tell him to stop. I explain that it's not polite to spit his food and if he stops I say good choice and continue to feed him. If he continues to spit I warn him that if it happens one more time, that will be the end of his meal.
I'm completely sure he knows exactly what is going on. He has such a cheeky look now when he does it and the tiniest of grins. I'm just not sure if there's a better way I can deal with it?
Any suggestions??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Disciplining a 9 (almost 10) month old...?
I think that is great advice. I have heard to do the same thing when they yell or scream, which we have already had to deal with.
Of course I can stop him, he's a baby, he's not stupid.
I'm just trying to figure out if I'm best going with the explaining idea or if he's too young for that. Alternatively I can ignore the behaviour and praise him when he stops and chooses a desired behaviour.
I usually redirect him when he displays unwanted behaviour like grabbing power cords but this is a slightly different situation.
Great! Thank you
So when you put your finger to his lips would say no thank you and then ignore him till he stopped? Or would you look at him? I think looking at DS might be encouraging him?
From all my reading, this is really the only way to "discipline" a 9 month old. He is certainly too young to understand a long explanation.
PP's advice to ignore it is a great idea. It's kind of like re-directing.
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
WAY too young to expect discipline to change his behavior.
I'd just deal with it for now and worry about curbing the behavior later. The only discipline you can do with a child of that age is saying no/redirect, but something like that you cant change with that idea. He will probably stop on his own before it becomes a problem. The fact that he's getting a reaction out of you is probably why he is smirking. If you ignore it, it will probably go away quicker than if you keep trying to stop him.
I'm with you SCB.
I do think he is too young for the explanation. When DD does this (not too often anymore) I give her no reaction whatsoever, she usually smiles and waits for me to smile and clap (my usual reaction when she does something cute) so when she gets no response she usually stops.
She very rarely does it during meals anymore, only at Grandma's because grandma seems to think all times (including mealtimes) are playtime, no matter how many times I ask her not to!
This. Sorry--had to chime in again
He's willfully being SILLY bc he's a baby and probably thinks its funny
BLOG: The Quinntessential Mommy
I find this to be laughable. Do you really think your baby understands that because of his behavior you aren't going to feed him?
I would more just use a flat hand close but not touching his face & you know I think I did look away, more for fear of food in my eyes than I thought about it encouraging him one way or another
& I think its right to redirect & teach the right way to do things how else would they learn whats right & wrong?!
I use redirection all the time with DD for things that can cause her harm. Blowing raspberries during a meal, while it may be messy is a normal behavior for a baby. They are being silly and having fun. I don't think it is something that requires discipline.
you have some pretty high expectations for a 9 month old.
He'll outgrow it. Its a normal developmental thing. Just ignore it.
She's not calling you baby stupid. But your expectations are IMO. His behavior is developmentally appropriate and is not a willful act of misbehavior that needs to be desciplined, to think otherwise is ridiculous.
You teach children right from wrong when they are advanced in their development enough to learn a lesson. I highly doubt you telling him to stop made him stop-he probably just moved on to something else.
A 9 month old simply isn't advanced enough to "learn" that blowing raspberries during a meal is inappropriate behavior and they shouldn't do it. Why the rush to make your child grow up? You have their whole childhood to tell them what they can't do. Let the baby be a baby for god's sake. Blowing raspberries is fun for a baby. It's pretty sad you'd try to make him stop doing that because you don't like a mess. Clearly you should have considered adopting a 5 year old if you didnt want a baby to act like a baby.
I guarantee if you become one of those parents who disciplines for every little thing, you're not going to get the type of behavior out of your child that's desirable.
Our discipline for DD consists of saying "No", talking in a stern voice, and if we know she's testing us we'll smack her hand away from something.
As far as spitting food, we tell her not to and cover her mouth with our hand. She seems to get the point, but I honestly don't think her attention span is long enough to remember for the whole meal so it usually happens more than once.
This post is all kinds of wrong. I don't even know where to begin...
Nope. If you actually read my question I never once said he is willfully being naughty so don't put words in my mouth and don't make drama where there is none to be made.
I said that he knows what's going on. He's exhibiting a behaviour, getting a reaction from me and that reaction is encouraging the behaviour. He thinks he's being cute by doing it which tells me my current response it not the correct one and I need to try a different approach.
So no, not "reeeeally".
I basically took the post at face value & the lady was just asking all of you for advice on how to help getting her child to stop blowing raspberries while he ate...I don't think I've done a thing wrong in redirecting MY child when he does this & if he's not eating he can blow raspberries until he's raspberry in the face! If its not your method of doing something you have every right not to do the same things with YOUR child. It worked for us is all I'm saying, he might have tired of doing BUT it could have been from me doing what I did as well...No one will ever know but him...I'll make sure to ask him about it when he can talk & see if we can get to the bottom of it though
DD#1 is 3! And LO#2 is on his/her way! Due Feb 26th, 2014.
BFP#1: EDD 5/7/2010 born on 5/20/2010. A little girl named Emily.
BFP#2: m/c 10/29/2012 EDD was 6/21/2012 Baby Hope was 6 weeks 3 days.
BFP#3: Twin B stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days. Found on 8/10/2014. EDD was 2/26/2014. Twin A is still doing great and due date is 2/26/14.
OMG, you ladies are all kinds of drama queens! I'm not even going to bother explaining myself further because you don't bother reading properly and you'll just twist whatever I say to meet your own ends.
Thank you to the ladies who offered sound advice, I truly appreciate it. I will ignore the behaviour and see how that goes. Thanks again
I'm sure that any expert in child development would tell you he didn't learn to stop his behavior because you asked him to and put your hand there. If you want to believe that you can teach your baby a lesson at under 9 months old, feel free to live in your delusions.
BFP/Labor/Everything Buddy: Papetvet/Erpetdoc
Honestly I don't think you guys give them enough credit. Since you commented on how my post was all kinds of wrong, I'll just chime in again here. DD KNOWS when she's not supposed to do something. When I tell her not to do something, and she sslllooowwwlly reaches for it while watching to see what I'll do, that shows me she is learning.
Example: She no longer tips over the dog bowl becuse she knows she's not allowed to touch it. If she does go near it, she always slows down and looks to make sure I'm not paying attention. If see sees I'm watching, she goes away from it. They can comprehend more than you think.
That's kind of what I was thinking above...
Also, I wanted to chime in to respond to what others have been saying. Babies can be taught certain things at this age. I mean, we obviously don't teach them in the manner we teach a toddler or an older child, but they do learn from other strategies we use with them (ignoring and differentially attending, for example). Also, I'd like to point out that the next time you attempt to ignore your LO's raspberries, it is very likely he will blow lots more than usual. That's called an extinction burst and is completely normal. I do admit that, at this age, it makes me a little sad to think of ignoring raspberries, though. I mean, they're so cute!
I think you're on the right track. I'd assume he's done, and take him out of his high chair when he starts blowing raspberries, playing with food, throwing food, etc. He'll learn that the unwanted behavior means no more food.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
Their comprehension isn't what you think it is. Your child is YEARS away from having the cognitive ability to understand something is "wrong".
She knows "when I do this, it gets mommy's attention". Your infant wants attention. When they find a way to get it, they run with it.
Here's a little more info on when a child is old enough to understand defiant behavior:
"By age 3 or so, children have the language and cognitive skills to understand consequences," says Traci B. Pitts, a child psychologist in Reno, Nevada. "If your 3-year-old chooses to behave in a 'negative' way after you have asked her not to, you can be assured she knows what she's doing, at least at that moment."
What preschool-aged children aren't able to understand is the bigger picture. "They're living in the moment," explains Pitts. They won't necessarily remember that a behavior that bothered you three days ago is still unacceptable today. Even if your child does move away from the fireplace when you say it's hot, for instance, you can't trust that he'll remember this message in the future. You must continually warn your child about dangers until age 3 or 4, says Pitts.
Since the ability to control impulses also starts to form some time around age 3, if your preschooler just can't help but hit the dog, throw her food, or indulge in other behaviors that you find unacceptable, know that a time-out is a perfectly acceptable response to her defiance.
ETA: I'd also do some research on how smacking your child's hand is certainly not an appropriate form of discipline for an 8 month old and you're doing far more harm than good. Also, "no" should be saved for serious cirumstances, not just a child being inquisitive (move the dog's dish-that's just dumb).When you're saying no for everything, it's losing its meaning and will become far less effective when you need it to when they're older (like when they're bolting towards the road).
Lol! I can't wait till we get to that stage
I'm doing some sign language with DS, including the sign for "all done". He understands it but I'm hoping he'll start signing back soon instead of any of the alternatives!!
I don't really expect him to understand all of what I'm saying. I try and keep to one or two words immediately like "careful" or "stop" followed by "dangerous" or "hot".
Then I explain it but really the explanation is so I get in the habit of doing it. Eventually he will understand me and I want to be consistent. Also, the way wee ones pick up language is by us chatting to them and telling them about things so there's no harm in it at all.
I like your idea of asking if he's done. I can ignore the behaviour, when he pauses I can ask if he's done, maybe offer another bit of food and then see what he does.
I know I'm going to get flamed up the arse for this but there are so many similarities between training a dog and raising a child
It's all distraction and redirection, consistency and simple words!
Haha sorry, but that's funny. Disciplining a 9 month old baby for blowing raspberries.
Sounds so silly. I have no advice, good luck with that
...having realistic expectations given their minimal cognitive ability and lack of impulse control is probably a good one to add to the list. Discipline should be saved for dangerous situations ONLY for infants/young toddlers. You want "no" to have meaning when you NEED it to have meaning. If they're hearing "no" to everything, it loses the importance and you'll need it to have importance when your child is going to touch a hot stove or is running towards the road. They're just learning to manipulate their little bodies-you shouldn't be punishing them for exhibiting normal infant behavior.
Wow...
At first when I read this I thought you must be joking...but you are obviously not. An 8 month old does NOT understand consequences. She may understand "no" but she does not understand that there will be a consequence, so it is not fair to punish her. That does not come until 2+. She is far too young for you to be "disciplining" her and frankly slapping her hand is abusive. She is a BABY. 8 months old. A baby.
I seriously hope you stop but know you probably won't...and that it is sad. If by some miracle you listen...learn about redirection. Yes it is tiring to redirect her constantly but that is what you signed up for.