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ShanJosh777
member
So so so angry at STBXH and the whole situation in general
ShanJosh777
member
So, prior to yesterday, the last time STBX had seen DS was on 4/8 (H's birthday) when he went out to dinner with his family and had cake at his mom's, so for a total of about 3 hours.
He never showed for Easter, even though I made a special trip over to his mother's to drop DS off and pick him back up during a time frame that worked for him. He texted his mom and said he was hungover, he has a drinking problem, etc. and never showed up. Nice.
On Saturday he texted me asking if I would bring DS out to dinner with him on Sunday. I agreed (first mistake) because I knew he wouldn't take DS alone, plus why would I want him to after he has barely seen him and apparently has a drinking problem. So we have dinner, it was fine. H's friend and his wife came so it was kind of awkward, like some kind of weird family double date, but whatever. Then after dinner he tells DS that he is going to come over to our house to play with him until bedtime. So we leave, I'm thinking H is following us to our house, I'm trying to be all cheery, telling DS, oh maybe you can show daddy how you can ride your bike, etc. Pull up to the house, and get a text from H saying "hey it's already 7 and I'm not feeling too great after eating all that food, tell DS I will see him later this week." OK, like a two year old will understand that??
I was SO mad, but I tried to explain it to DS in a nice way and of course he started crying, saying 'I really want daddy to come over!' and broke my heart. I called H so he could tell him himself and he STILL didn't care, he is sitting there trying to explain to a sobbing DS that he will make plans with him later in the week.
H texts me later and said he will let me know when he will pick DS up from school to hang out with him. I said that he is crazy if he thinks I am going to tell DS that he will pick him up from school when it's not even safe to tell him something 2 minutes in advance. Then the more I thought about it, the madder I got, so I told him that he can ASK me when he can pick him up because I am not going to revolve my plans around him, since he is totally unreliable.
Now I am kind of scared and I know I shouldn't have 'threatened' him like that. But my attorney is in the process of working out a custody agreement, she is actually faxing it to his attorney today. I am proposing that he have him every Wednesday and Friday from 6-8 and every other Sunday from 12-8, with no overnights. Since he's never once had him overnight and never even had him to his house, and has only seen him a handful of times since we moved out at the beginning of December, I feel like this is more than fair, and originally I was thinking he wouldn't even take that. But now that I said what I did, I'm afraid that he will hold me to it, which is fine since I came up with the schedule. But I'm worried about holidays, like if Christmas falls on "his" Sunday I don't want him to automatically have him the whole day. So now I talked to my attorney and have to come up with a holiday schedule, and it is just making me so angry that I have to potentially give up every other Christmas morning with DS for someone who is only in his life when HE wants to be.
I know it is standard and it is part of the whole divorce thing. But the more I think about it the more I hate H.
Sorry this got so long... I just needed to get that out.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So so so angry at STBXH and the whole situation in general
My best advice is to put in a clause that says he has to confirm with you by a certain day and if he doesn't, you assume the visitation is cancelled. Also, a clause that if he is X amount of minutes late, the visit is cancelled. These two things were in mine and it saved me a LOT of grief! Oh, just thought of another, put in there that HE has to be present for the visit. My exH used to jet off and leave DS with his mom. Uh, no way. If he didn't care enough to be there, DS was mine! Seems like an odd thing to put in there. But remember, if it's not in there, it can't be enforced. I have stuff in mine about him having a proper carseat, a valid license and insurance etc. when transporting DS. Again, seems dumb but if necessary it's easy to put in there (actually the JUDGE put this in there in court because apparently exH had several tickets for speeding and not wearing his seatbelt in the time we were going through our divorce).
Getting the parenting plan in order is going to be so helpful - a set time for him to have DS instead of all this yes/no coming/not coming stuff! GL
I agree it is best to come up with a holiday schedule in addition to the visitation schedule and just remember that holidays tend to take precedence. Can you suggest that he gets him every Christmas Eve and you get him every Christmas Day? My friend and her ex husband do that and it works out great for them.
Yep, I learned my lesson about this a while ago. But this time it was HIM who told him which made me even more angry.
Ugh, so sorry you are dealing with this garbage. I feel your pain.
I put in our parenting plan that he has to confirm or cancel any visits with 48 hours notice, and that has helped a lot. ::hugs::