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Parenting
Is this not realistic? Am I being insensitive?
Long story short, we are visiting an elderly great grandmother in 2 weeks in Florida who supposedly does not have much time left.
My great aunt is paying for myself and my moms ticket but did not offer to buy DH one (I thought this was odd but luckily he doesn't even want to go because he can't take that much time off work right now) so he is staying home. Its a 4 day trip.
I was mentioning some of the activities I'd like to do while there...a character breakfast, a petting zoo, and maybe Downtown Disney or a nearby park. My mom said that there would not be time for all these things. She said "This is not a pleasure trip, we're going to see grandma. They aren't buying you a ticket to have fun."
Uh, maybe so...but I have a 1 year old. I plan on visiting grandma in the nursing home each day, but I think the most I can get out of my DS is like an hour per day. Sitting in a small room while she lies in bed...even if I bring toys, he won't last too long. He's very active.
So yes, I do feel like I need to plan some entertaining things for my son while we're there. Its not fair to make him sit on the airplane, sit in a nursing home, and then go stay with a relative who has no children or toys besides whatever I can fit in our bag. But according to my mother we won't have rides anywhere because it will be rude to ask relatives to take us away from the grandma. I have another Aunt from the other side of the family there, maybe I can meet up with her.
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Re: Is this not realistic? Am I being insensitive?
I can see both sides of the coin. I think if you want to do fun stuff with your DS and turn part of it into a fun trip, then you should probably pony up some cash for the ticket.
How do you plan on getting to these places? It is a legitimate concern. You can't very well ask people to cart you around while they are spending time with someone who doesn't have long for this world.
ETA: I don't blame you for not wanting to do other things there either or doing fun/different stuff with your DS either.
I don't think its odd that your Aunt didn't offer to buy your H a ticket. Sounds like a girls trip. I don't think she is obligated to buy everyone's tickets. Let's face it they want to see the kid. It's nice that she offers the ticket.
I don't think its unreasonable for you to want to do other things while you are in town. My 1 year old also wouldn't like day in and day out in a nursing home. Perhaps you can visit in the am and the pm for a little while and then take some time in the afternoon to do you own thing HOWEVER I think it should be on your dime (car rental), public transport...whatver you have to do.
I'd find out if there are any other plans scheduled that weekend, special lunches, dinners, visting other relatives and plan around that.
Can you leave DS at home? Or is this his first/last visit with great-great-grandma?
I agree: you will have to rent a car if you want to do anything that it specific to your wants/needs
I'd avoid Disney events. Your DS is very little.
I completely agree with this.
According to my Aunt, its Grandma's "dying wish" to meet her great great grandson...but she has dementia. Its the whole point of the trip.
You don't think he'd enjoy a character breakfast?
We took E and B to meet DH's grandmother who had parkinson's and dementia. We went about a year before she died. We spent a few hours a day there. They had toys for visiting children and people loved them being there. There were aviaries and aquariums that kept the kids entertained (18 months and 7 months). We left to go to a playground nearby a few times and to play in the hotel room (there was nothing else to do). For 3 days, it really wasn't necessary to find too many things to do.
She hardly knew people any more, but she was very drawn to the kids. She sobbed when it was time for us to go and said "I love you" to Bella. For 2 years prior, the only words she ever said was "money money money all day every day." (We have no idea what that meant). Anyway, it was very special for her and for us.
Honestly, it doesn't sound a good trip for a one year old. I would probably leave a one year old at home with dad. Reading your follow up, it doesn't sound possible that it's her 'dying wish'...sounds like other family might want to see him.
If you do not have the choice to leave him at home, I would not involve anyone else in your desire for entertainment. Rent a car and just decide what the 2 of you can do. You might be putting your mom in an awkward spot, since neither of you paid for your tickets and her intention is to go and see her aunt, and only that, by the sounds of it.
ETA: I meant to say your mom's intention is to see her grandmother, not aunt. Sorry for the typo.
This. But I also want to say I agree more with your mom--this isn't a pleasure trip. And sitting in a nursing home/hospital with someone who is dying is emotionally taxing and exhausting. You do need to do some things for yourself and/or your DS, but I suspect you won't have the time or energy to turn a 4 day trip into a fun vacation filled with Disney memories. Zoo? Maybe. Running all over creation? Most likely not.
What a sweet story! And it sounds like she was in a nice nursing home!
I think it would be a PITA to go into a Disney park for just one character meal...it would take half a day to do just that.
You might can do Chef Mickey's if you can get reservations now. I believe its a hotel not in the parks...
ETA: While my 20 month old liked Disney, he wasn't really old enough to "get it" even when DD was overly excited and that rubs off on him...he just liked it. He did LOVE the Toy story ride at HS. We got our fast passes at 10am...for a 5pm ride!!
I'm with everyone else. A one-year-old can have fun taking walks from the hotel or in the hotel pool (if there is one). Find a playground near by and plan on maybe one or two activities for the full four days. It's not necessary to fill up every second and you are there to see great-grandma, not have a vacation. Bring trucks, balls, coloring books, etc. so you have small toys to bring with you to the nursing home and to play with in the hotel.
Also, is this DH's family or yours? I don't find it odd at all that the aunt didn't pay for DH's ticket. I'm surprised she offered to pay for yours but she must have really wanted to honor your grandma's wishes or maybe just thought your DS would bring her some joy and happiness in these last few days.
I wish that was possible! I know my aunt....if I don't bring the kid, she doesn't buy the ticket. And I've told her for a year that I can't afford to come on my own, which is the only reason she is buying the ticket. But I will definitely be looking into the car rental
I've already made my peace with grandma...My DH and I stopped to visit her on our honeymoon and I said my goodbyes in my own way to her then...back when she knew who I was.
Hard to say if he'd enjoy it. At that age, both my kids would have been terrified probably, lol.
My kids both enjoyed this place: https://www.greenmeadowsfarm.com/ which is a low key, family friendly drive up and park on the gravel type place.
I'd try and respect your mom's wishes/point of view as much as possible.
That's what I mean...sounds like your great aunt's wish, not your great grandmother's 'dying wish'...
There are a few that are at the hotels, but like shop said they're hard to get into and take a good few hours. I think at your DS's age, he would not be impressed and would probably just get anxious and bored (and might be scared of the characters). The characters come around really quickly, spend a few minutes (if that) at each table taking pics and signing autographs and then have to move on. Between driving over there (assuming you rented a car), finding your way, having your meal and making it back, it'd take a good 3-4 hours, I'd guess. That's not fair to your family to ask them to drive you for that plus you are there for great-grandma. Little things like lunch at McD's or swims in the hotel pool would probably be enough. DS loved just wandering the halls at the hotel and looking at the fountain in the lobby when we went away in January.
We won't be attempting any part of Disney until he is at least 5. I am definitely thinking Chef Mickey's or nothing at all...
I'll pipe up on this part- I actually don't think he would enjoy it. Depending on what charactors at the breakfast it might actualy be too scary. (the ones in more costumes with heads rather than the people ones: i.e. Mickey Mouse vs Cinderella)
Even if said Charactor is his absolute favorite on screen- its way different when he/she is towering over you in real life.
One year old is IMHO way too young for Disney- I'd try to find more playground types of places.
Plus the dining is expensive (really good food though!) and if you want to dine in a park you have to purchase a park ticket (at least for yourself).
if you plan on somewhere like O'hana (Poly resort) I think the charactors are Chip and Dale, Goofy and maybe Mickey.
Wow. I didn't realize it would take so long! Maybe we can find somewhere else to eat. No hotel though...We have to stay with my aunt. A hotel pool would be fantastic though.
Ouch now you sound insensitve to me. This is for you grandmother, your Aunt and your son.
Yes! You suggested that yesterday and I am strongly considering it. He would love that.
Absolutely! She wants pictures of the two of them together before she passes. Obviously I care for my grandma, or the person she used to be, but I feel like the aunt is using her to guilt me into coming. And its working.
This. I get wanting to entertain your child and I get the fact that you dont' want to expose him to a ton of nursing home time AND I can also sympathize with feeling like your great grandmother isn't who she used to be and that you've made your peace with her, etc. BUT, I do think you're looking at this and talking about it like it's a "vacation" and its not. You can entertain your child w/o making it a big thing. Take him to the mall play area, or the park or whatever. But the purpose of your trip is not to take a vacation w/ your kid. And I agree that I'd keep the chatter about all the fun things you're doing to a minimum--the people around you are grieving, even if you're not.
If I were your mom, I'd be peeved that you couldn't afford a ticket (so haven't visited the dying relative) but now that someone bought you a ticket, you can spend money on a rental car, Disney breakfast (not cheap), petting zoo, etc.
I can see your point that you want to do things with your son but I would pick things that are FREE and close by.
I didnt mean it like that. I meant to say that I have kind of distanced myself away from the sadness of it all because I think not knowing who your own family is the cruelest thing that could ever happen to a person. Last time I saw her (2008) she was already starting to lose it and I knew it would be the last time I saw her that she would know who I was...so I said my goodbyes then.
We never considered Disney. I was honestly trying to find a few small things (Chef Mickeys, a petting zoo). I dont know the area at all. Parks or mall play places would be fine too
We are not allowed to stay at a hotel, per my Aunt. We must stay with her. Nothing within walking distance. Believe me, if we were staying at a hotel, I could find things to keep us busy without asking for rides.
I will be the first to admit that I handle death/dying badly. I can't cope and I distance myself by saying she isnt who she used to be/she doesnt know who I am, etc. My father has almost died several times in the last few years and I kind of shut down emotionally.
that didn't help. Here is the OP on 12-24...
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/52609278.aspx
staying with someone I think its going to be really hard to keep fun things on the downlow also i agree about the money, if you couldn't afford the ticket to go see her (plus it doesn't sound like you wan to see them and let them meet your son) and you are using the trip as a vacay then it doesn't look good. I'd find cheap activities and invite your Aunt and mom along.
I get this. But she couldn't afford to come either and only asked the aunt to buy her a ticket so she could help me with DS. And to be honest, we really can't afford all of it so if it comes down to the rental, we may be doing nothing. And believe me, I am not against free things, if I had someone to tell me where to go and how to get there. I really am trying to find cheaper options.
How is she 'disallowing' you from staying in a hotel? You're a grown adult (I assume?).
But going to Chef Mickey's isn't really a small thing when you don't have a car. And downtown disney is shops and restaurants, not really for a 1 yo. I understand worrying about how your child will get along there, but you are being insensitive talking about these things and a 1 yo doesn't need them. That isn't the purpose of their trip, or yours. You should decline the offer if it is too much for you.
After she offered the ticket, I asked her for hotel recommendations and she "wouldn't hear of it" as far as letting us stay anywhere else. She insists we stay with her because it is so close to the nursing home and she will be taking us there daily.