How old is too old for a monitor?

mrsmikey · April 2011

DH thinks we should wean DS from the monitor before the new baby comes. I'm just having a really hard time with that for some reason. DS' room is upstairs, and ours is downstairs on the opposite end of the house. So if he wakes at night (which he does) I would not be able to hear him without the monitor.

DH thinks at 3.5 he's old enough to not need us during the night, but I'm not so sure about that. I mean, I'd love it if he didn't wake at night, but he does. If he were right across the hall or something I wouldn't be using it now, but he's not. It just seems cruel to me or something. He stays in his bed if he wakes up and calls for me. There have been a few times where the monitor wasn't turned up enough for me to hear him, and he got hysterical when he called and called and I didn't come. It upset me as much as it did him.

Do I just need to get over it and get rid of it? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to gently do that? I don't believe in CIO, never have, never will. It's just not for us. Or does DH just need to come to terms with the fact that DS isn't ready yet? I'm also worried that if he doesn't have the monitor, he'll start getting out of bed and I'd rather he not do that since he's upstairs alone. We have a gate at the top of the stairs, but if he just stood there and yelled for me what's the difference?

I think what bothers me most though is that I think DH is pushing for this because he doesn't want to have to buy the extra camera for the monitor. We use a video monitor and I planned on buying an extra camera for the new baby's room, but if we could wean DS off of it we wouldn't have to buy one. So I do question DH's motives and it makes it harder for me to see his side of the argument knowing he probably has ulterior motives.

joseysbride · April 2011

I don't think a video monitor is necessary (we've never had one), but if I am ever on a different floor of the house and my kids are in bed, I want to be able to hear them. My dd is almost 5 and I still use the monitor to listen for her if she is sleeping and I'm in the basement working. To be honest, most of the time, I just want to hear that she isn't goofing off in there, though!

summerbrideDC · April 2011

I'd tell your DH to suck it up, especially if he's just trying to save a few bucks. Having a new sibling is a pretty big transition for a 3.5 yo--taking away a sense of nighttime security on top of that is excessive, IMO. And if you're not going to sleep well worrying that he'll wake up and call for you, its just not worth it. We honestly just stopped using DS's monitor recently and he'll be 5 in a couple of weeks.

mrsmikey · April 2011

joseysbride:
I don't think a video monitor is necessary (we've never had one), but if I am ever on a different floor of the house and my kids are in bed, I want to be able to hear them. My dd is almost 5 and I still use the monitor to listen for her if she is sleeping and I'm in the basement working. To be honest, most of the time, I just want to hear that she isn't goofing off in there, though!

We already have a video monitor, so I'll just be buying the extra camera. It's either that or wean DS and not buy one at all. I'm not going to buy a sound monitor in addition to the video monitor we already have and have to deal with 2 receivers.

But I guess I feel the same way. I'm just not comfortable not being able to hear him, whether he's upset in the middle of the night or up playing when he's supposed to be napping.

DevonPow · April 2011

We still use one for DS - we are on different floors and DH and I use white noise in our room, so I wouldn't hear him if we didn't have it. I know it would be fine if we stopped using it -DS just comes and gets us if he needs anything - but it makes me feel better.

KrisBriMcBunny · April 2011

we dont have a video monitor but we still have the regular one mainly because she's way over on the other side of the house. We wouldnt be able to hear her if she calls out for us in the middle of the night.

superslug · April 2011

We still have a regular monitor since the boys sleep upstairs and we're downstairs.

ppants · April 2011

We don't use a video monitor, just audio for my 5 yr old twins. We put them in bed and wouldn't be able to hear them on a different floor without the monitor. Our bedroom is on the same floor as theirs so we can hear them at night.

peekaboo716 · April 2011

I joke with DH that we will use the monitor until they are 16 Stick out tongue

Our kids' rooms are right next to each other. We found that by using the monitor in DD's room (the younger one), we can still hear DS if he is talking in his room because of where we have the monitor in DD's room. It's right by the door. I think it's because we have hardwoods. So for us, we have one monitor, but can still hear both kids. Win-win IMO.

katana · April 2011

My DS is younger, but yes, we still use a montior and will do so as long as it's needed. We cannot hear him downstairs, and not only do I not want him to get hysterical, I don't want him to wake the baby who is in the next room. We have video for baby and a cheap sound monitor for DS1. Since he doesn't nap, it's only for night time it's not like I carry around 2 monitors all day. For me, having 2 monitors is no big deal, the sound one stays in one spot all the time. Might be a good compromise, but certainly consider he could wake the baby if you can't hear him, then you would BOTH have to go settle a child, that might convince your DH.

mrsmikey · April 2011

peekaboo716:

I joke with DH that we will use the monitor until they are 16

Our kids' rooms are right next to each other. We found that by using the monitor in DD's room (the younger one), we can still hear DS if he is talking in his room because of where we have the monitor in DD's room. It's right by the door. I think it's because we have hardwoods. So for us, we have one monitor, but can still hear both kids. Win-win IMO.

That's great! Probably wouldn't work in our house due to the room setup, but that is a good solution in your case. Maybe I can just teach DS to walk into the baby's room and speak into the monitor. Stick out tongue

Angela814 · April 2011

We stopped using the monitor for DD1 around 2.5 years. But all our bedrooms are on the same floor, and DD comes into our room when she wakes at night. We haven't had baby gates on the stairs for a long time. When DD used to nap, she'd just come downstairs when she woke up. In your situation, I wouldn't feel comfortable getting rid of the monitor unless DS could come find you at night if he needed you.

grja · April 2011

DS is going to be 4 and we still use the video monitor. When dd was born we just bought the extra camera and both rooms are on the same floor as ours. It wasn't that much $$ for peace of mind (i think it was on sale at kohls and i used a 30% off coupon).

Littlejen22 · April 2011

Um, if we did not have a monitor my DS would pee in his bed in the middle of the night especially the times that he needs to go around 10pm and we are downstairs. And the answer to the question, never, I raised a teenage SD and man we could have used onel...j/k, sort of;)

Zenya · April 2011

IDK how much a camera is but if cost is an issue just get a sound monitor.

jlw2505 · April 2011

I don't think there is a magic age to get rid of it but honestly, given what you are talking about - I would still have it. Video no but I never used video, sound for sure. My kids are 3 and almost 5 and I still have a monitor in both of their rooms. I honestly could get rid of my older DD's now as she has no issue getting up day or night and coming to get me or get herself to the bathroom but my 3 year old, I still need it for her. I like having it in their rooms, if they get sick at night or something - I want to make sure I can hear them.

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