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May 2011 Moms
UO Thursday - let 'em rip!
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Re: UO Thursday - let 'em rip!
That sucks!
I'm totally guilty of all of this. I've decided I give up and I'm not posting anything labor related until this kid is out of me. I worked so hard to keep this kid in and now that she's allowed to come out and the doc said I'm in early labor but its not doing anything I'm beyond frustrated. So I give up. I may just become a lurker. Which would please some people I'm sure.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
I won't say I 'hate' them so much but they make no sense to me and DH. We are both not 'Sports' people, we don't watch sports, nothing. Not saying we dont' do things (we're still active people), we're just not into a specific sport. That being said, why we get all these sports related clothes from his family is beyond me.
I hate it when people assume that anyone with a birth plan is a bossy cow who is bent on pissing off her doctor. My doctor specifically requests that her patients write up a birth plan so that everyone is the same page for what's going to happen. I don't quite trust myself to remember everything in the heat of the moment, and I certainly don't expect the nurses/doctors to be able to read my mind and magically know what I want, so what's wrong with writing it all down just to clarify things for everyone involved?
Codename Buckethead: baby blog
I caution any of you to 100% trust that your doctor will just automatically know your wishes. OB's have agendas. Believe it or not, but you best be prepared.
Also, my doctor won't even be in the building for most of my labour. How much I like her and trust her and have had appropriate conversations with her is pretty irrelevant to how I interact with the nurses and the resident assigned to me.
Crazy, I know. I also don't want to have to spell out everything to every person that crosses my path. Read my chart, ask for clarification. Don't expect me to explain my feelings while I'm in labour.
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I don't understand this either. I share a fair amount on facebook now, but back in the day, before facebook had these updated privacy settings, I specifically asked people to not post pictures of me (or tag me if it was a group photo). I had one girl tell a mutual friend that I was being really stupid. I forget her exact comment, but she basically was acting as if she was personally offended by my request. I mean, really? How difficult is it to take into consideration someone else's feelings?
I took my birth plan to my appointment yesterday and she said it looked great. It was all reasonable.
My biggest concern is that MY doctor knows what I want but what if she isn't the doctor that ends up delivering my child? I want that doctor to know that I don't want an episiotomy. I know we all have this notion that the OB we've been seeing for our entire pregnancy is the OB delivering but it doesn't always happen like that.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
Hehehe, I totally thought of you when I read that post!
Don't worry, she'll be out soon enough!
~*~*May 2013 Moms Website*~*~
Word.
Our BC requests birth plans because even if there's a 1:1 ratio of nurses, the possibility of you staying longer than a nurse's shift exists, and you don't want to have to tell the new nurse what do you expect from your experience, even if it's as short as "get the baby out ASAP and healthy". It's always good to personalize the experience, even with minimal requests.
From a "procedure" standpoint, it's a simple act of taking charge of your health, something that patients (in all walks of life, and all fields of medicine) do all too little - they just leave everything to the doctors, and unfortunately often complain later that some things that they envisioned (for one reason or another) wasn't what they mentally had in mind.
And yes, I don't think that having a birth plan would indicate that everything will proceed the way that I want it. But it's good to have some modicum of expectations and loosely defined customer service from the staff that's treating you, and it's great when they know about it before hand. Even when things go absolutely awry.
Same. Except it's coming from my SIL who is also pregnant, but 5 weeks behind me. All because she just finished her elementary education degree and took a bunch of child development classes.
No I will not stop my baby from walking if she doesn't crawl first. I don't care if you think it means she will be dyslexic.
I'm with you 100%.
Same. Except it's coming from my SIL who is also pregnant, but 5 weeks behind me. All because she just finished her elementary education degree and took a bunch of child development classes.
No I will not stop my baby from walking if she doesn't crawl first. I don't care if you think it means she will be dyslexic.
Seriously! Since when did having an education degree and having child development courses made you the end all bastion of knowledge in everything pregnancy, newborn, infant, child, and teenager related? I mean, I get that there are some things that they'd know from their training, but seriously, the crawling thing was EXACTLY what I was yelled at from a so called child development expert (she's had a few courses, ffs!)
Exactly. And I love when people say "well MY plan is to have a healthy baby." Gee, really?? I'm sure the rest of us didn't think about that part at all.
That would be just one demand too many for all of us crazycakes who made birth plans.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
Also, who the fvck has a color-coded birth plan? Or a spreadsheet?
I think people who say they are just going to trust their doctor are a bit naive. And I hope for their sake that their doctor is deserving of that trust, because a lot of them aren't.
I hope you enjoy saying that every 20-30 minutes.
They're not going to just ask once. The point of a two-sentence intro is to treat the staff like caring people that are a part of an experience, rather than fast-food servers that can give me the standard natural birth, hold the pickle.
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Exactly.
My Aunt - who has two children - one who was raised by my grandparents and one who was raised by her ex-husband - loves to give me advice and tell me how things are going to be. I really want to ask her sometimes - HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW??? You were never really a parent! UGH! People kill me!
They need a life, therapist and some IRL friends. I doubt anyone would read their boring ass blogs or twitter. = )
Here's my other take on excessively detailed birth plans, I think it just results in annoying the hospital staff and coming across like you don't think they are competent. I asked about this at my birth class and the nurse actually started laughing and said, "Whenever we get one of these we always joke with each other and say, 'I put $100 on her winding up with a c-section!'"
Again, I'm not talking about having a basic plan outlined, but when people get down to the most ridiculously nitty gritty details.
I also have this belief in basic human psychology. I like to make people think that I believe in them and trust them, because I think they then rise to the occasion. Compliments tend to go a long way. I always try to be the "perfect patient" in every aspect of life, because I feel like when you get people on your side and they like you, then they put that little extra effort in to help you out. I have obviously never dealt with giving birth before, but my plan is to try to be very nice to the hospital staff, explain my wishes, and consistently thank them for their hard work and for following what I have asked for. (We'll see how that goes! LOL! I'll probably be eating my words. I guess that's my "birth plan" for now.)
First of all, it's not always that easy to remember things and voice your opinions when you're in active labor. I speak from experience. Last time I didn't write up a birth plan. Instead I just talked to my OB and got her OK on some things. Well when I was in labor, I was in too much pain to think and remember what we had talked about. And my OB didn't remember either. So the things I wanted didn't happen and later I really wished I had remembered them. That's why I'm writing a birth plan this time--as much to remind myself as anything else.
And yes my birth plan says "please help make this birth a positive experience for me." Because that's not a "no sh!t" request. People working in hospitals don't always think about how things are coming across to the patient. My last birth wasn't a positive experience and I'll do anything to try and make this birth one. I don't care if other people think it makes me look stupid or controlling. This is a memory I will have the rest of my life.
Giving the family bonding time isn't a "no sh!t" situation either. Hospitals don't always do that, especially after a cesarean.
Isn't your DH going to be there with you? I know there are nurse shift changes, but I highly doubt if you or your DH explains to them that you don't want an epidural until x y or z that you shouldn't have to say it again until the staff changes over several hours later.
This makes me cringe for you.
I really hope that everything goes well, but being a people-pleaser in a hospital is not a guarantee that the staff will make your wishes a priority.
And seriously: isn't it easier for everyone if I say "Don't offer me pain medication, I will ask when I want it."? Why should my DH have to say it every 20 minutes? And no, just because you refuse once doesn't mean the same nurse won't ask again. Especially if you're inconveniently noisy about being in pain.
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I don't see what being nice has to do with anything. You can be nice and still advocate for yourself. I think trying to be the "perfect patient" can get you in trouble. Does a perfect patient ever ask questions, disagree with their doctor or get a second opinion? If not, the perfect patient is only hurting themselves.
And anyone who says a birth plan = a c/s is an a$shole. If medical professionals are saying that, perhaps they need to look in the mirror and see how their own practices might be affecting outcomes.
Oh how naive you are.
Also, I have 2 friends that work in L&D at the hospital I delivered my son at. You know what they said about birth plans? They PREFER them, because they want the experience to be as positive for the mother as possible. I think it's ironically funny that this nurse at your birth class said that, and yet you still don't think you should be writing one up. That's a red flag and if anything else, a REASON to write one up.
SMH.
haha if DH was having the baby, I'd bet there'd be one. Because he loves to OCD out on those types of organizational things!!
and yup - I'm completely guilty of LO wearing animals. Since we are UGA fans, every single thing that even had the thought of a bulldog, I purchased. Guilty as charged.
Yeah, even our birthing center (in our tour) told us that sometimes, the nurse's personality and yours don't mesh, and if that's a situation, to please speak up and ask for a nurse reassignment, to not be ashamed of this or worried, that this happens all the time, and that there is a perfect nurse for you that will "mesh" with your personality, and they stressed the utter importance of this during your stay. Given the fact that you intend to be "the perfect patient" makes you sound like a doormat, that you'd take whatever you were given, regardless of whether it was your wish or not. I'd prefer to declare my wishes ahead of time, and make it easy on everyone?
A lot of people forget that medicine is based on a service industry. It's ultimately a service they're providing. Why should you be stuck with whatever they provide just because you're not willing to speak up (in the form of birth plans?). And given the possibility of mood changes/erratic behavior/etc that is common during labour, don't expect you to be all "thank you ma'am", "you're such a sweetheart, you're awesome" and speak sweet gentle words while you're having multiple contractions one on top of the other. I mean, when you're in pain, it's common to lose patience, no?
You definitely should research and advocate for yourself. Its your responsibilty as they patient to do so. Be informed about your doctor wants and make the decision to proceed. I work in the hospital and sooo many petients have no idea what they are being scheduled for or why its being done and just kind of shrug their shoulders. And doctors dont care too often about your particular situation. For instance, about an hour ago I scheduled a 13 year old girl for a transvaginal u/s to check for ovarian cysts. Im sorry but that is too young for that type of test. She (presumably) hasnt had sex and the probe will break her hyem and cause lots of discomfort. A pelvic u/s would have been more than substantial and I would never let my daughter have the internal at such a young age. However her mom is doing what the doctor said instead of doing her own research.
I think that writing a birth plan is just playing an active part in your health, its not trying to control the situation.
Why would nurses in a hospital be any different from anyone else who goes to work for a living? I know when I'm at work people who are pushy and demanding fall at the bottom of my list of people I want to help. Sure I'll do what I need to do, but I will also talk crap about you when you leave the room and make fun of you to my coworkers. On the flip side, when someone comes across as genuine and thankful I will absolutely bend over backwards to help you. "Thank you so much for the time you've put in and all you have done to help my child this year," are like the magic words that will make me go out of my way to help you. 95% of this is completely subconscious, but when I think about it, it's absolutely true. You get more bees with honey.
I also think, I have stated more than once, that I am talking about EXCESSIVELY DETAILED birth plans. I am not talking about all birth plans. If anything, I think when you make it too wordy, then it detracts from the points you are trying to make.
Some of the stuff I am reading in these plans are completely standard at my hospital. I am not an uninformed patient and I have discussed many of the same concerns with both my OB and the hospital, and a lot of these things are completely standard and do not need to be spelled out. For example, at my hospital, If I say I'm breastfeeding, then they are not going to offer my baby a bottle. Perhaps this is just my hospital and I'm sure other ones do things that I would personally disagree with. So far I have been lucky, and every concern I've brought up to my OB she has been 100% on board with and basically explained to me that it was standard practice anyway.
I usually don't try not to get involved in the whole birth plan debate but I am tired of holding my tounge. So here goes for UO Thursday.
I was 21, young and naive when DD was born. I didn't know such a thing as a birthplan existed and I was taught to completely trust my Dr. She totally did not deserve this trust. My entire birth experience was hijacked completely out of my control. From beginning to end it was one intervention after another and looking back NONE of them were necessary. I have had issues from some of these interventions that still cause problems today, 7 years later. I am older, wiser and more experienced now. I refuse to let the decision-making be stolen from me again. I am a reasonable and logical person and I know that things may not go exactly as planned, and in my birth plan I acknowledge that. BUT I do know what I am willing and not willing to allow and since it is MY body and MY child I have a right and responsibility to make that known. I have gone over the birthplan with my Dr. both my MW's and the hospital. I have been commended on the forethought and thoroughness of my birthplan. They have all told me how much they appreciate the patients that do plan ahead and make their wishes known ahead of time. To me: it shows a sign of immaturity and naivety (I say this to my younger self, as well) to just completely trust what the doctor says because they are the doctor. From experience, I say it is that trust that can cause the biggest problems. It is that trust that has made the cesearn rate in the United States 30+% as opposed to the WHO recommended 15%. It is this trust that has allowed Dr.s to put into place so many unnecessary interventions to make things so much more convenient for them. I am not saying OB's are monsters, I happen to very much like and trust mine. I just will never be so uninvolved as to allow them complete control over me again. I am informed and intelligent enough to learn and research (not through Dr. Google, either) and find what is safe for me and my child. I don't expect everyone to agree with me or to have the same beliefs or feelings. But just like I don't go around constantly knocking those who don't believe in being fully prepared I shouldn't have to be bombarded by those who don't believe I should be so prepared. I have yet to see one Pro-Birthplan mom use UO Thursday or FFF to begin the debate or flame the Con-Birthplan moms, yet every week I see plenty of the opposite and then when Pro moms defend themselves the debate begins. At what point can we all grow up and agree to disagree!!
There...rant complete! LOL!
This.
I saw my OB maybe 5 or 6 times over the course of 12 hours of labor with DS (except for the end each visit was only 5 min tops). Seriously. He showed up to check my progress, and then barely made it to the big sha-bang when DS was crowning (and then obviously did his thing delivering/post-delivery). Maybe other hospitals/OBs work differently, but I've heard it's pretty standard that unless you have a MW or a Doula, that you can expect a revolving door of many different shift nurses coming in and out during L&D...oh and the same for recovery too.
You document a Birth Plan to help get a concise message across to everyone what your preferences are. I go into it knowing that it's an outline of what I'd prefer, but don't set myself up for disappointment if something goes off plan. My OB paid close attention to my wishes and there are specific things that he agreed to that makes me feel very comfortable now for #2's L&D:
***OB didn't pressure me into a C/S even though that would have been much easier/convenient for everyone else (and my 1st shift L&D nurse was an idiot and kept telling me that I'd definitely have to deliver via CS anyway so I was just delaying the process)
***L&D nurse #2 didn't break out the mirror...I simply didn't want to see what was down there but apparently it's fairly standard for them to use that as a push motivator.
***OB didn't perform an episiotomy. I had the tiniest of a tear that took 1 stitch.
_______
Okay, off my Soap Box on why a Birth Plan is an effective and efficient way of communicating to the L&D staff.
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Why would I give a sh!t if you talk about me behind my back with your coworkers. As long as I am getting what I want/need out of the experience I don't care what the nurses think of me.
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I get so sick of hearing people talk about how they're just going to let their Dr do what they think is best. From personal experience - not all Dr's are looking out for your best interest. Some of them are just out to make a buck. In fact, a lot of them are. If you want something and your Dr says no, that doesn't make it a bad idea. It could mean that they have a good reason - or, it could mean that they just don't want to spend the extra time. So PLEASE, take the time to think about what YOU want and learn about your options before just going along with "what the Dr says" because they have "experience". What happened to mother nature and following our instincts?
I was going to post the same exact thing!! My MIL must have bought every single sports themed piece of baby clothing she can possibly find. It's very nice of her to buy us stuff but it's so not my style. It's just plain ugly to me.
Huh?
You are creating a false dichotomy here. It's completely possible to be nice and pleasant while standing up for yourself and being your own advocate. No one has said anything about being a b!tch to your care providers, so what are you arguing against here?
I'm sorry but thinking you can just be the perfect patient and everything will go your way is naive. Hospitals are institutions that look after their own interests. Nurses and doctors are human. They make mistakes, they have bad days, they have their own priorities, etc. People are hurt and killed by innocent mistakes and bad care in hospitals every single day. If you walk into a hospital thinking that only pushy, rude people advocate for themselves, you're only endangering yourself.
I hate to say this but it is pretty obvious you have not had children or been in a L&D ward when someone else was in labor. When you have been in labor for x number of hours and are having contractions literally one on top of the other and are in pain the likes of which you can't begin to imagine right now, you are GOING to be pushy and demanding. Nurses (god bless 'em) who choose obstetrics as their field know and understand this. In labor you lose the ability to filter what comes out of your mouth and honestly, if you had the ability to filter you wouldn't give a rat's ass because being vocal helps. I am truly one of the nicest and least assertive people you will ever meet. I am constantly being cut in line at the grocery store because I don't stand up to people. In labor, I told my mother, the nurse and the poor intern who happened to be in filling up supplies to shut the hell up and get the fvck out of my room.
***. Do you think I should put that into my birth plan?
1. No arm restraints.
2. Nausea meds, please.
3. My baby better be healthy or else I'm going to sue.
Sounds good, right?
Haha- this made me LOL!
Just remembered a random nurse popping her head in while I was in the midst of pushing---she wanted to tell me that my brother's fiancee & her mother wanted to announce their arrival in the waiting room... I think I literally growled at her and said, "I don't give a $hit" (totally NMS to do/say that!).
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