Do you ever feel guilty that you graduated to this board?

futureMrs.Eanes · April 2011

I do. Especially after reading posts like Ked's. It makes me wonder why I am so lucky and blessed to have this two beautiful girls. It also reminds me to not take any of my time with them for granted and to try not to sweat the small stuff. Every single one of us on this board is blessed beyond words.

ladychicago · April 2011

I am not sure guilty is the right word.... Just mad. And sad. That all of those women who have fought long and hard can't be here too. It isn't fair and it makes my heart hurt. I am just so sick over Ked's beta today.

smilee · April 2011

Yes, still do.

I have so many good friends still fighting the fight and I always wonder, how did I get to be the lucky one?

I thank GOd every night for how lucky I am.

Mrs.Reem · April 2011

I don't feel guilty for graduating to this board. I put in time, set a goal, and was lucky enough to be able to meet the goal. Nobody comes close to meeting a goal like that and just passes it by if its obtainable. That and my fertility has no bearing on another's fertility, so I have no control over what happens to others. If I did it might be different.

I was super lucky and appreciate my gifts every day. So much so that I'm in the process to pay it forward to another infertile so to speak. However I do feel badly for those who have not met their goal. My heart aches for them!

Kiki11 · April 2011

I often wonder how I got so lucky. It was a long, awful road, but at the end I got my beautiful boy. I think about those still struggling with IF every single day. I'll never forget what it felt like to go through that. I hate that so many people are still going through it. Life isn't fair and sometimes I hate that.

krissybegs · April 2011

Yes, especially when I see people who I cycled with still trying to fulfill their dream of becoming parents.

schmoodle · April 2011

I didn't so much before after we had Toodle, but now being pregnant with #2, especially without treatment, VERY much so. I feel so awful for those that I cycled with and knew on TTTC who are still struggling. And I hate that my surprise BFP may bring others pain. That being said, NO ONE here or on IF veterans has ever been anything but 100% supportive and gracious to me regardless so it's my own issue (and maybe partly from some blog comments I've seen that I think were about my surprise BFP).

I hate that ked is going through this. I hate that another friend of mine (who I met because she read my blog) just had her first BFP after many IVFs and it's ectopic. I wish I could do more for both of them, and all the others still dealing with that intense pain, than just say "I'm sorry".

krissyh21 · April 2011

Makes me hug D harder on days like these. I don't feel guilty, because guilt would mean I had some control over this situation. I just wish no one had to be left behind.

perry7285 · April 2011

yes. maybe guilty isn't quite the right word, but my heart breaks for the girls who haven't made it over here yet--girls who deserve to be here as much, if not much more, than me. i don't understand why i got lucky and they didn't when they are so deserving and would be such wonderful mothers.

*Willis* · April 2011

It makes my heart break for them. I may feel a little differently because I've never had a successful pregnancy.

PrincessShay80 · April 2011

No, it just makes me feel blessed. Espically after reading Ked's news. As another poster said- I put in the time, cried many tears and fought so hard to get to this point. After enduring over 2 years of fertility treatments from Clomid to IVF, failures and miscarriages, then we had to start the adoption trail, and we had another year of more work, classes, homestudies, background checks, and pretty much always making people beleive that we would make great parents it's an exhausting process. Looking back I know now why nothing ever worked out, we were meant to adopt and Claire was meant to be our daughter- we just had to wait for her, I truly believe everything happens for a reason (as cliche as that sounds).

fallbride110406 · April 2011

Mrs.Reem:
I don't feel guilty for graduating to this board. I put in time, set a goal, and was lucky enough to be able to meet the goal. Nobody comes close to meeting a goal like that and just passes it by if its obtainable. That and my fertility has no bearing on another's fertility, so I have no control over what happens to others. If I did it might be different.
I was super lucky and appreciate my gifts every day. So much so that I'm in the process to pay it forward to another infertile so to speak. However I do feel badly for those who have not met their goal. My heart aches for them!

This for me too, except the surrogacy part. I feel awful for Ked.

smeyer · April 2011

Yeah, in a way... I can't think of the right word for how I feel, though. My heart aches for those that are still fighting. I hate that some people have to be in the trenches for so long and experience so much pain. I wish everyone could be over here. :-/

shipoopiisforme · April 2011

i often question why i was so lucky and others are not. i wish no one ever had to struggle to have a child and my heart breaks for everyone who is still struggling, especially the girls who supported me on my journey.

i do feel guilty that i don't have as much time to be on the boards and support them the same way they supported me. the new board has made it a bit easier for me to cheer them on when i have a free minute or two.

missyjg · April 2011

I don't feel guilty. I feel really blessed for having B in our lives now. But it doesn't keep my heart from sinking to read those posts. It really pisses me off since I work with so many kids whose parents don't want them nor take care of them, while there are so many great/loving couples out there that would give anything for a baby. I honestly wouldn't wish IF on anyone.

wiscgirl95 · April 2011

Not guilt. I feel incredibly blessed and I thank God for our little miracle every day. And although I say I don't feel guilt it does weigh heavy on my mind and on my heart that others who were battling IF long before me are still fighting to be parents. I question "why me?" and "how did I get so lucky?" all the time.

mrsolsenk12 · April 2011

not guilt but like others i feel sadness for those still fighting and very blessed to have little boy. I don't "know" many on IF because i have been here for so long but i still wish them all success.

leslie&brian · April 2011

I don't feel guilty. I feel very blessed. However, my heart breaks for the girls that are still battling IF. It makes me sad that so many people are struggling so hard to become parents. It just doesn't seem fair.

Quizzle · April 2011

Not so much now, but when I was first pregnant I felt a little... guilty? Undeserving? I was so so so lucky that my first 'real' treatment with the RE worked. Even thought it was IVF! I felt almost embarrassed about it, given we went straight to IVF and I was 36 and we were SO lucky.

I hate seeing the people who were trying when I first started posting on TTTC STILL trying.

ALY1981 · April 2011

I do. I especially feel guilty that I got pregnant after my first IUI. It doesn't seem fair that it worked quickly for me rather than someone else.

Temp848906437505510 · April 2011

I don't know if this answer is going to make me sound like a ***, but, I don't feel guilty because I feel like I was the last of the original TTTC group to make it over here. What I do feel is sad for anyone who is struggling and I pray that nobody has to be there as long as I felt like I was.

howleyshell · April 2011

Never felt guilty after my IVF baby but felt (and still do) feel guilt by the truck loads that we've had an unmedicated child.

perry7285 · April 2011

ALY1981:
I do. I especially feel guilty that I got pregnant after my first IUI. It doesn't seem fair that it worked quickly for me rather than someone else.

this is how i feel--guilty that things worked so fast for me. we never spent time trying to get pregnant unmedicated because we knew all along that i was infertile, so from the day we started trying to have a baby (first with clomid) to the day i got pregnant was only about five months. i feel awful that some women have been trying for five YEARS without success.

LucyPevensie · April 2011

I don't feel guilty but I do feel incredibly lucky. Shockingly, incredibly, and even "unfairly" lucky - because nothing about this is fair. Some folks won't "make it" to this board - won't be able to conceive and deliver a baby - or won't move on to adoption for whatever reason. And it is stunning that life can be so unfair, and so harsh, and so hard sometimes. And now I am getting teary-eyed typing this - I am not a regular on any of the IF boards anymore but if any of those women are lurking or reading this - know that I CARE about you and I hurt for you that you're not here - because I am you and I know you even if we've never "met" or talked on these boards. I want you to have your baby.

And now I am just crying. This is hard, so hard. And the folks who have "made it" to this board need not feel guilty but we. are. so. lucky.

cairolio · April 2011

Our two "real" cycles (IVF and FET) have resulted in successful pregnancies (DS and this one - knock on wood!). I feel ridiculously lucky and I call myself the fertile infertile. However, we tried for years and had a 20 week loss last summer. I think to consider myself lucky is kind of ironic... even though obviously I am!

My cousin has had a successful IVF that resulted in m/c and a failed FET and I feel incredible deep sadness when I think about that and feel guilty that I have had such success and she is heartbroken and fighting like crazy for her first.

duke'sgirl · April 2011

shipoopiisforme:
i often question why i was so lucky and others are not. i wish no one ever had to struggle to have a child and my heart breaks for everyone who is still struggling, especially the girls who supported me on my journey.
i do feel guilty that i don't have as much time to be on the boards and support them the same way they supported me. the new board has made it a bit easier for me to cheer them on when i have a free minute or two.

Agreed. I don't feel guilty that we made it, just that I am not here to offer the support that I was given. I just don't have the time these days (and it really has nothing to do with having a child). I've honestly thought about just leaving the boards completely, but I feel bad doing that as well! Strange how you can develop such deep feelings for people you've never met!!

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