Am I Overreacting?? (XP & Baby Ment)

LaTi07 · April 2011

**Also posted on Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss Board**

I need honest answers if I am overreacting. I'm VERY emotional today and will be all week because this was a milestone week for us. Today I would have been 12 weeks and on Sunday we were going to announce our pregnancy to the rest of our family. So obviously my emotions are way clouding my judgment right now.

Since, oh the last decade, my family has always done Easter brunch at 11 at my Grandparents house. It worked out great because my in-laws to dinner so I was able to see both sides of my family. We've done this every year since I can remember. Well my mom just told me that my Grandma moved the brunch to 3 pm since it worked better with my cousin (who has a baby). My mom reminded my Grandma that my DH and I always do dinner with my in-laws and my Grandma was like "Oh, well, this worked better for them."

I am really hurt by this. So because I don't have a kid my absence won't be missed? My Grandparents knew about my m/c so this just feels that much more hurtful because they knew how hard this weekend was going to be anyway. But to completely change an over decade long tradition just so my cousin can be there with his baby is like a huge slap in my face. This isn't the first time my family has adjusted plans just for my cousin and their new baby, but it's the first time since my loss and it hurts REALLY REALLY badly. I'm sitting here at my desk bawling because I'm so upset.

Am I overreacting? Would you be hurt?

mfpickle25 · April 2011

I am sure this is very difficult. It's ok to be hurt by this, you don't really have to be rational at the point so over reacting isn't an option. If you are really upset by this then don't attend. Talk thourgh this with your husband, it will help you feel better.

Carolee · April 2011

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you feel hurt. I probably would be bothered by that also.

petitbelle · April 2011

That would probably hurt my feeling too. If it were me, I would just not go.

EM0704 · April 2011

I don't feel like you're overreacting! I've been through the same tradition changing situation with my family! It just makes me realize how selfish people can be and I hope to NEVER act like them, no matter when I have a child!

celineg · April 2011

I don't think you are overractiong, that would really upset me too, and I think I would skip their brunch.

(((HUGS))) and I hope it gets better.

LaTi07 · April 2011

Thanks for the input ladies. Either way I am not going, I think I just needed to hearo someone else tell me I was justified. I've tried VERY hard not to let my m/c affect how I interact with my family/friends/etc, but this one just really stung. I think it was just the icing on the cake. Ugh.

lauralew · April 2011

I don't think you're overreacting. Before my loss I would get very annoyed with how much my mom would work to accomodate my sister's schedule because of her baby. We had family dinners often during the week. They were always very casual, usually around 6:30 or 7pm. Even growing up we always ate around that time because my mom gets off work at 6pm. She's been getting off work for the same time since before I was born. Once Emily was pregnant, and soooooo tired, 6:30 was hard for her. Once the baby was born, almost every meal we've had together since then has been at 5pm, 5:30pm at the latest.

I have had many arguments with my mom and sister about this. I have often felt slighted because so much accomodation has been made for my sister's family and not mine. I hate it.

You aren't overreacting, in my opinion.

chloebeth930 · April 2011

I don't think you are overreacting by being hurt about the change of tradition. I also think that you are still grieving your loss which makes even the easiest or "normal" things more difficult... aka in my case, shopping at Target induces an emotional breakdown in the picture frame isle.

Ok... here is my honesty moment, I am not trying to be mean... please don't get upset....I am writing this because I hope this will help you

I think that you need to realize that not everyone, in fact no one, probably not even your DH, will be as hurt/upset/emotional about your m/c. The fact of the matter is that they don't understand what you are going through and they won't. They also have probably already moved on, because it wasn't them who lost a baby, so they weren't as emotionally invested. Sad

I don't think that they are looking at the change of plans in reference to how it would be hard for your because of your loss. They aren't looking at things like "she doesn't have a kid, she won't be missed." They just decided that it would be easier for your cousin so that is why they moved it. They just picked your cousin this time (which let me say would piss me off, even if there was no baby involved).

I think that if you can start to accept that people are not always going to act the way that is most sensitive to you in regards to your m/c doesn't mean that they don't care about you or that your pregnancy and baby didn't matter. It is just that they never got to your level of love for your baby so they can never get to your level of grief.

LaTi07 · April 2011

Thanks for your honestly Chloe. I'm not upset by what you wrote. I completely understand what you are saying. I think where my feelings come in is just the fact that my family is completely having that "eh" reaction about me not being able to come. The fact that my family moved the brunch to a time when they knew I would not be able to come simply so my cousin could come. It makes me feel like I'm not as important, m/c or not. I get what you are saying though. My parents have beyond moved past my m/c. My sister is expecting so m/c was pretty much "forgotten" about 2 days after it happened. Sad

buckeyebaby814 · April 2011

I would be VERY hurt by this. I am so sorry you're going through this. I am actually not going to my mom's family Easter dinner because my cousin accidently knocked up his 19y/o GF. Don't really want to deal with that this weekend.

jkfranklin · April 2011

I'm sorry. Maybe next year they can change their plans to accomodate your baby.

Daisy07gray · April 2011

I am so sorry- it sucks to have families so openly express that they're more interested in the baby. I can understand all too well, GL getting through this Easter week. I'll try to do the same!