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NBR: A holiday vent!

desmerelda317desmerelda317
in 2nd Trimester

I hope this doesn't come off as immature, I really don't mean it to, but I just need to vent to an anonymous group of people.  So my family (my parents, sisters, bros-in-law . . . not DH's family) has decided to switch up how we do Christmas.  Instead of buying gifts for everyone in the family, my eldest sister decided that we should do a Christmas exchange the exact same way her husband's family does it in order to save everyone money. 

I am a little bummed about this for two reasons: one, we're not her husband's family so it bothers me that we have to be just like them and two, I am the only one of my sisters to live on the opposite side of the country from my family.  My parents and sisters and their families all live within an hour of each other.  I like giving every single person a Christmas gift because I just never see them enough as it is and I like doing something nice for each individual.  It isn't like I can just take my mom out for coffee or meet up with my sisters and neice for lunch any old time.  But in the end I understand the reason for the exchange, it is a tough economy and everybody could use a little extra in their savings so I'm fine with it.

The real vent is that all of this discussion about Christmas began at the end of August and we're required to email our Christmas list to the person who drew our name from the hat by yesterday.  Well I got my sister's name and she emailed me her list, and her husband's and her daughter's.  Which is fine, because I do need her daughter's list because the kids are not in the exchange, they all get gifts from everybody which I think is totally appropriate.  But my sister gave all these things that she wants and she wants people to buy for her daughter but stipulations attached!  For example, they're building my neice a doll house for Christmas, but we can't get her anything but the Bride and Groom dolls for the doll house even though she put the other ones on the list.  A lot of the gifts my sister wants are above the stipulated budget of $30 (which SHE set) but she still put them on her list.  I don't understand that when she was the one all set on saving money in the first place.  We are required to discuss anything we buy for her daughter with the entire family (including her husband's family!) so as to avoid duplicate gifts and I also have to discuss what I buy for her with whichever in-law of hers ends up drawing her name for her husband's family's exchange for the same purpose (hello? gift receipts?) 

I know in the end it really isn't that big of a deal.  I just don't understand why she has to send out a list with items that are outside of the budget she set for all of us (I find that rude, like she wants to save money on what she buys for her person, but it is okay for someone else to spend plenty on her) and then she has to set all these rules about discussing what you buy with everybody and only buying very specific things for her daughter.  

I get to see my family maybe once a year because we live so far away.   The last time my husband and I celebrated a holiday with my family was two years ago because of deployment schedules and such.  I was so looking forward to this year and getting to celebrate with them and being together and I just feel so upset that I am not even supposed to buy a present for my parents and I can't get a present for my sister without having to make sure I'm following her rules.

Okay, vent over.  And now it is bedtime :)  If you read it all, then thanks for listening!  Don't forget to set your clocks back and check your smoke alarm batteries :)

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Re: NBR: A holiday vent!

  • mollymurphymollymurphy

    We do an exchange on my DH's side of the family with his brothers and my SILs (3 sets). Kids are not included, nor are his parents: we still buy small gifts for each of the nieces and nephews, and typically, we'll go in on a big gift for his mom and dad...usually I'll also send some smaller, personalized things to them as well. My MIL is 'in charge' of the name swap: collects wishlists from each of us and then distributes them to the appropriate person (you don't find out who your 'Secret Santa' was until the gift arrives.) We have a dollar limit for the swap gifts. Do people still put items on their lists that exceed the limit? Yes. Do I feel obligated to honor those requests? No. I just pick something that's closer to the ballpark. We do not typically get wishlists from nieces and nephews...except one. And her mom usually asks for ridiculously priced, incredibly-specific items. Needless to say, I don't feel obligated to buy exactly what's on her list, particularly if it's not in our budget. These are gifts, after all. Bottom line: I've liked having the swap...you still get to buy for someone, but noone feels obligated to buy something, anything (!) for every single in-law...we all have pretty much what we need and it's about spending time together, not purely about gifts. GL and hope the swap works for you!

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  • LWrightLWright
    Well, I would vent too!  I understand not living close to your family (bc I don't either) which makes the holiday a little different than what it means when you see people all year. Since there could be real financial reaons for some of your family members to want the name swap, I would go ahead with it and not say anything against it.  I would however still buy my parents and anyone else I wanted a gift.  Gifts are just that....thoughts from your heart and you are enttitled to buy someone a gift if you so desire.  As for your sisters crazy list..I would ignore all of her stipulations too!  Buy what you want based on the price agreed to and don't worry about your sister.  She sounds a little be over-bearing when it comes to this whole name swap.  Just enjoy seeing your family and spending time with them....next year y'all can go back to the good old ways!
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  • Tommygrl14Tommygrl14

    Sometimes I'm glad I come from a very small family.  Who would it hurt if you got something small for those who you want to buy for.  A frame for pics of the new baby or a little album..something heartfelt and inexpensive.  Give it to them in private or send it to them early so no feelings are hurt.  I can understand the whole saving money issue and a "grab bag" is a great way to do that, but it shouldn't be putting this much stress on you. 

    As for her gift...pick something on her list that is within the price range she set.  That's all.  Get what she asked you to get for the kids and let it go. ( not trying to sound harsh at all!!)  This way, she is happy, the kids get something great for the house, and there are no arguements!! 

    Enjoy the holidays..they are special every year but especially when you get to spend time wtih the family you don't always get to see.  It's not about the gifts...

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  • SwissPrincessBrideSwissPrincessBride
    We are trying something similar to that this year with my family with one exception-stockings are free reign. So even if I don't pull my mom I can still stick some treats in her stocking. Maybe you can work something like that into it?
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  • Pumpkin111Pumpkin111 member

    Here's your quick and easy solution: $30 gift cards! 

    Not as fun.. but it will get the job done and it will get the point across.  While everyone else is opening fun presents she gets a boring envelope..

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