Is there anyone here, who breastfed their baby, who didn't NIP?
Can I be nosy and ask why not?
Also, what did you do, for instance, in a restaurant, if you had a hungry screaming baby?
I'm really not trying to stir the pot, but I'm very curious (and very bored, lol).
Re: I have a question about NIP...
That's exactly what I'm trying to get at-the reasons they didn't/wouldn't NIP.
Is it the worry of offending or making someone else uncomfortable? Or being uncomfortable with possibly showing part of the breast? Or other reasons that I'm not thinking of?
I had great NIP experiences. The only time I was every uncomfortable was in my car. I was nursing Caroline, and an elderly man can and stared at us through my car window. It was kinda creepy...but kinda funny too.
Other than that, all I really ever got were sweet smiles when women realized what I was doing...as if they were fondly remembering nursing their babies.
I guess my point is that it would most likely be that they felt self-conscious for all of the reasons you listed- combined. I think that when people feel uncomfortable about something, it may not always be reason specific, it might just "not be for them".
Not that I am at all equating NIP with going to the bathroom in a public place, that is also something that makes some people uncomfortable. If you asked them why- I bet you would not get a specific reason- I would think you would get a "because it makes me uncomfortable"
Do you see what I am trying to say?
I have been reading 8th grade writing all day and am fearful I am now starting to sound like one while trying to get my point across. lol.
Elizabeth used a nipple shield the first five months. I don't think I ever nursed in public during that time because there was really no good way (at least I wasn't coordinated to find one!) to be discrete while getting the shield on, getting her latched, and then doing it all again when it came off or we switched sides. So we planned our outings so I could be back home to nurse or be somewhere that had a mother's/nursing room. Or I'd bring along a bottle of pumped milk.
Once we were able to finally drop the shield, she was going longer between nursing sessions and I rarely needed to NIP, but if we were out when she needed to eat, I'd do so. No big deal at that point!
But after 7/8 months, she was way too easily distracted, so I often ran out to the car or went to a dressing room/mothers room. It was just faster that way.
I EBF two babies, and never NIP. I just timed things so that I would feed before we would go somewhere. My thought when I read the other post was boy you all eat out more than me. I never spent that much time in restaurants.
Nurse in the car, go into store.
By 6 months she never needed to feed, we gave solids and BF later at home.
I did not feel it necessry to BF in public, and come from a very modest family. We just don't pass gas or burp or anything outside the restroom. My Mom had us excuse ourselves to blow our noses. It didn't seem like BFing should be any different. I do feel sort of like you all might think I am letting womanhood down for feeling this way.
Not really...sorry. I'm just trying to figure out a specific reason...and several posters have supplied those.
If you asked me why I didn't want to use the bathroom in public, I could be very specific...I would, in no uncertain terms, tell you that I wouldn't want the public at large to see my girly parts and my cellulite covered rear end ;-)
If I was uncomfortable NIP, I'm sure I'd know the reason why, and be able to express it. I'm was always uncomfortable nursing, uncovered, in front of my FIL...because I didn't want him to see my boob. I was uncomfortable, and had a very specific reason why.
I'm uncomfortable doing lots of things, but I always know why...maybe that's just me?
Not going to debate this. It had very little to do with me anyway.
I was just trying to make the point that sometimes "it is just not for me" is the answer- nothing more, nothing less.
I guess I am the weird one here as there are things that I would not do that I just feel like "aren't for me" or that make me uncomfortable- and that is the sole reason.
I agree with you Smilee- I am not comfortable with NIP- and THAT is my reason. I can't really pinpoint the exact reason why. its just how I feel... and I am sure MANY others feel the same way. I guess I don't see why this is an issue. If someone doesn't feel comfortable with something, that is a reason. My son is EBF, as was my daughter and I always managed to nurse her around events planned whether it be in the car, a dressing room or right before we went some where.
I do not judge people who NIP just as I expect people to not make me feel less of a breastfeeding mother because I do not. Not really sure why it matters. Our children are fed.
I was not able to BF Ava for very long, and we had lots of latching problems, so maybe I'm not very qualified to answer your question. But, I will say that I don't know that I would ever have been comfortable NIP. I have no problem whatsoever with other women doing it, but like PP said, it was not for me. Maybe it is my neighborhood/city, but I am very aware of others in public places, and there are some that come off as "creepy" to me. Just today at the park with the girls, for example, a man that appeared mentally ill sat at a bench not too far away and just watched us. No way would I have NIP in that park.
Again, maybe it is because I had so much trouble nursing, but I viewed that time with Ava as very private, between the two of us. The only person that I was comfortable nursing in front of (covered or not) was DH or an LC (and even that made me uncomfortable, but I did it because I wanted things to get better).
I had never had the option to BF but if I did I wouldn't have NIP at all. Just wouldn't have been that comfortable with it.
To be honest, I'm kind of surprised at how open a lot of you are about it. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but at they boys first birthday, my cousin who has a DD a few months younger then the boys just started BFing in a room full of people at the party including men she didn't know. She didn't cobut youver up at all. A coupld people said something to me -like they couldn't believe she did that. I was kind of surprised as well-I would have thought she would have gone to another room. I realize that BFing ins't sexual at all but you are putting yourself out there and I think that you shoudl take into consider your surroundings and who you are around.
I don't think this is flammable but I guess I don't understand what you thought your cousin should have done? Leave the party? Sit in the corner? Let her DD scream or cry for milk? You say that you thought she would have gone to another room but she didn't - so she was ok nursing where she was. Doesn't that indicate that she's not concerned about the men she doesn't know?
I don't know that I've ever purposefully sat in the middle of a crowded room and NIP, but I've nursed DD at a birthday party with men I didn't know in attendance. I don't know if they were concerned about my nursing DD but I didn't feel uncomfortable in the least, I would hope that would help put people at ease but I think it's probably not the case. But here's the thing -- I can't walk around in my life wondering "gee, will someone be offended if I sit her in this restaurant/birthday party/church service/anyplace not in my own home and feed my daughter?" I have to feed her. She's old enough now that I can always put her off if it's not convenient for me, but I never put her off because I'm embarrassed to nurse her. I get that many (not necessarily LisaandBryan- I don't want to put words in your mouth) are simply saying that they have concerns about what is appropriate and that they may choose to NIP but be covered or "discrete" in order to take into account others' possible feelings, but I think I do that without a cover, shoot at home I sit around with my boob out, I promise I don't do that in public LOL. I just don't understand why on this one issue it seems to be ok to tell another woman what she can do with her body because it offends or may offend someone within eye sight.
I'm not trying to start a debate...I just asked a question that I was honestly curious about.
I've always been a "why" kind of person. If I ask my DH a question, and he gives me an answer, my next question is always "why?". I'm always curious about the reasons behind things.
I always have reasons for the things I do or don't do. That just makes sense in my world.
I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. No big deal...
Not at ALL! I was just curious about the reasons people don't NIP.
Modesty is a perfectly good reason, in my book. I'm pretty modest myself...but not about NIP, for some reason.
This is exactly the kind of answer I was looking for. I was trying to get at whether it had to do with modesty, or fear or offending someone else.
Thanks, K!
This is such a great point.
Thank you.
Like I said I never BFed so obvioulsy didn't NIP but I woulnd't for both those. I would feel uncomfortable if I knew if made others uncomfortable too..if that makes sense!!
Okay, this is my last post and then I am going to go back to grading my papers...
I think you are awesome and I adore that little cutie and that smirk on her face an enjoy your posts because I get to see he revery time
But I think what I have bolded is why this post is rubbing me the wrong way. Why does anyone's reason not to NIP have to be a good reason in YOUR book. I felt like when you posted this, you were looking for reasons that made sense to YOU. That is why I tried to point out that sometimes- a person might not want to- for no other reason than she might not want to.
And when I pointed that out, that did not seem to be a good enough reason for you.
I have never been uncomfortable NIP, but the first time I ever did it I was nervous. Just because it was something new for me, and even though I was covered, I definitely knew I would feel more exposed. But once i did it the first time, it was like nothing to do it again. I never got any looks or comments other than "atta-girls" and lots of positive comments.
That said, I have talked to people who have gotten negative comments and looks and that has made them uncomfortable, so I wonder if the fear of judgement or criticism is what the issue is for some people. I'm sure if I got that kind of reaction as opposed to what I received, it would make me sad, but only sad because because people still view it as shameful or gross or attach a stigma to it. But that would never make me not do it or stop doing it. I believe strongly in what I am doing and nothing would shame me away from it.
I have rarely seen anyone NIP and that's too bad that more women don't feel comfortable. I think that if there were more people out there doing it, it would be less of an oddity or less of something to be disturbed by, it would just be normalized, as harmless to other people as feeding a bottle in public. And on that same token, I wonder if more women would feel comfortable doing it if that stigma or fear weren't there? It seems like a cycle.
Well, I think you are awesome too...and you know I think your sweet boy is the bees knees ;-)
I'll be honest and say that I did give that phrasing a second thought before I posted it...but was unsure of how else to word what I wanted to say.
I guess what I've been trying to say (and doing a piss poor job of saying it), is that I don't CARE if a Mom choses not to NIP, I am just curious about the reasoning behind it.
Now, I have a pressing game of patty cake that I must attend to ;-)
I guess I just get this vibe from this post and the previous post that you think those that choose not to NIP aren't quite as, well, sophisticated, or in tune, as those that do. NIP is great if it works for you, but why do you have to question other's motives?
It just feels like now it isn't enough to EBF our babies, we have to EBF and feed in public with no regard to the rest of the world, or some LC will call us out at a company picnic, or some message board will question why we didn't.
To ask to be allowed to BF in public is fair. To "lose your ***" because people in the world aren't comfortable with it seems harsh.
Totally agree!! I don't think you meant it liek that but your "tone" is a little offputting. Just like you don't want anyone to judge you for the choice you make to NIP, why judge others and question why they don't want to NIP?
IF you feel this strongly about NIP , I can only imagine how you feel about women who GASP! choose not to BF at all.
I kinda got that vibe too...
I don't feel that way at all. Not even a little bit...
I was curious. I stated that in my OP.
I apologize if I offended, it wasn't my intention in the least.
With DS I nursed in public once- outside at a craft fair.
I NIP often with DD because she isn't a fan of formula and I don't pump. However- I always have my cover and I try to be out of the center of attention. So for 7 months I have nursed at the park, mall play area, restaurants, friends houses, birthday parties etc. HOWEVER, I still am uncomfortable when women do not cover themselves. My reasoning... It always makes me do a double take. I then feel that I'm staring or that I was rude because I looked. But I don't think that they shouldn't be feeding their child.
A reason why I make sure I am fully covered... breasts are sexual. (They are sensitve and get aroused- no fighting that issue) I would not be ok with a man looking at me feeding my daughter and getting turned on by seeing my side boob. The mental image in his head includes my baby. That is NOT ok. I am all for getting drunk and flashing someone the goods- doesn't bother me in the least... but my child is not involved with that.
Does that make sense? I'm far from modest- but when it comes to my child I am.
Feeding your baby anyway you can is cool... lets not forget that.
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
Wow. I wasn't judging AT ALL. I was curious about why people don't do it. What is wrong with that? Was it wrong even to ask? If so, I apologize.
As far as your GASP!...well, that's just not fair, and it is incredibly hurtful. I've never judged a woman for not breastfeeing her child, and would never.
I'm not sure what else to say.
Good God, I love you. Why can't you be going to the GTG?
Someday I will tell you my ATM camera story....
Wow. Dana is so not like that, and it was really unnecessary for you to go there.
Its too bad that every other parenting decision can be discussed rationally by both sides of the coin, but as soon as anyone asks a 'curious' question about decisions regarding breastfeeding, it incites a *** storm. The double standard on these boards is ridiculous. Why can't someone just be genuinely curious? When people are curious about why someone chose to CIO or not to, everyone else has no problem talking about their motivations. I think Dana really was just bored and curious, and people keep trying to blow it up.
Haven't been aro'und much so I dont "know" her or "know" what is she is like, so just from an "outsider" that's just how it comes off to me. And I odn't think my above statement is that unreasonableat all. I mean obviously she is very pro NIP and therefore pro-BF and and needs a reason why someone wouldnt wan tto NIP then I dont see how post of "give me a reason why you choose nto to BF" would be so different. Maybe judge was the wrong word to use but again the tone of her posts seems to indicate that feels very strongly about certain things.
I nursed dd for a year (she never took a bottle) and am nursing ds now and have never NIP. I always nurse before we head out and then I'm set for several hours.
If I'm going out to eat I nurse before we leave and then I'm set for a couple of hours. When I'd go out shopping I'd use the mothers room at Nordstroms and there was only a few times where there was another nursing mom in the room with me. I've nursed in the back seat of our SUV a few times when we've been on road trips and stopped to use the bathroom and fuel up but I wasn't going to nurse in a public restroom at a gas station. If I have to nurse at the doctors office I just let them know and they give me an empty room to use (or let me stay in the room we are already using). I nurse at my family and friends houses but I don't consider that NIP.
Since DS will take a bottle of pumped milk (unlike DD) I would consider bringing a bottle if I knew I was going to be out longer than a few hours so I could feed him using that instead of NIP because it seems easier. I don't feel like I'm coordinated enough to NIP without flashing everyone. Plus since I don't normally cover DH when I nurse he would probably try and push any covering away (at least that is what dd would do).
Clomid M/C 8 weeks 2/08 *IVF #1-DD born 3/09
*Surprise BFP-T18 baby lost at 13w 1/10 *FET #1-DS born 2/11
And really how is that being irrational? Seriously umm hardly a *** storm. Chill out. I'm just sharing my opinion as well.
ANd the double standards are ridiculous because as someone who is not around much anymore , I can almost guarantee if I posted something like "Tell me why you bedshare because I genuinely don't understand that" I would most likely get negagive feedback.
I'm late to the party, and I nursed in public only with a nursing cover, but I honestly think a lot of the uncomfortableness has to do with the fact that NIP, especially without a cover, was not all that common until recently, at least as far as I have seen. In some states, including MA where I live, NIP was not legally protected until very recently. In theory, you could be kicked out of places or even go to jail for NIP (not that the latter ever happened, I'm sure.) Of course, that was wrong, and I'm glad that women's right to NIP is now protected in most states. But I think that precedent contributes a lot to people's lack of comfort in NIP or seeing others NIP. There's still this sentiment that it's somehow taboo.