VENT: Pissed at my sister for telling people

bridgetleimk · April 2011

So I get a facebook message today from an old friend from high school saying 'congrats' and I'm only 7 weeks! I come to find out my sister has been telling people that I'm expecting. She's 29 years old and I'm the fourth of her siblings to be pregnant, she can't say she didn't know that you don't tell everyone until the first trimester has passed. I feel almost violated having people know this about me when I didn't want them to. I've been very selective about who I've told based on who I would tell if I have a miscarriage because I've had a miscarriage before. And it certainly would not be this stranger from high school. I know that my hormones are making this seem much bigger than it is but I'm really pissed at her!

Can anyone relate or give advice???

iluvmylab · April 2011

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, but it is not your hormones, because I would be SO incredibly pissed off too! That is your news to share and only you and DH should decide with whom and when you want to share.

Muffin0 · April 2011

Some people don't feel the need to wait to tell people.

I'll be telling people as soon as our parents know. (We live in a different state - I'm not sure how to tell them yet - possibly going back home in a week or two so if I do I'll wait and tell them then)

So where you and other people may think it's a huge issue, some people don't.

It's crappy she's telling people, without your permission, but I would be more upset about her telling people vs them finding it out from me.

Qmommy · April 2011

I'm sharing the news with my parents and grandma on Saturday. I KNOW that my grandma can't keep a secret and she's going to tell the whole family for me. She did that with my DD. I just told my mom, if I m/c then it's her job to share that news too cuz I'm not going to do it.

junebugrbig · April 2011

I told my sister in law who I know would be on facebook in 2 seconds not to tell anyone until I was able to talk to everyone that I wanted to first. She has complied. Need to be explicit about your wishes or refrain from sharing until you are ready for the world to know.

mben1119 · April 2011

If you didn't explicitly tell her, you can't be upset. I didn't wait until the end of the first tri to tell. Not everyone waits.

love_melongtime · April 2011

Did you tell her that she needed to keep quiet about it?

We told our parents and sibs when I was only 5 weeks. And our mothers wanted to start shouting it from the rooftops right then. Luckily- I was smart enough to tell every single person "We are only telling a select few people right now since it is still so early. Please don't tell ANYONE."

If you didn't ask her to keep quiet, then you can't blame her for telling.

Ready4life · April 2011

Sorry, that does sound frustrating. Perhaps she is really happy for you and wants to share your good news. If you asked her not to tell anyone I would talk with her about that. But if you didn't ask her specifically she might not realize you have a problem with it. Some people actually tell the whole world at 4 weeks...so everyone is different.

wishywashy123 · April 2011

I have all kind of situation like this happen. All I can say it is my fault for telling anyone at all. I should have waited since did not want anyone to know until after the 1st tri. Now, I am glad that it is out and I don't have to hide anything. Big Smile

Like a blessing in disguise

rubyjem00 · April 2011

I would be pretty pissed too. But if you didn't tell her not to say anything, then I don't think you can be too mad.

I am worried about the same thing with my SIL. I just don't think that she will be able to keep her mouth shut, even if I tell her to. So, she won't find out until just before we are ready to tell everyone. It sucks but I don't see anyway around it.

lvisser · April 2011

Estwd2:
bridgetleimk:

She's 29 years old and I'm the fourth of her siblings to be pregnant, she can't say she didn't know that you don't tell everyone until the first trimester has passed.

Did you specifically tell her you didn't want her to tell other people?

This exactly.

bridgetleimk · April 2011

No, I can't remember telling her specifically not to tell anyone. So I can't be too upset, but she isn't the kind of person to not think like that. She's the kind of person that would ask if it was ok to tell anyone. So I haven't vented to her, just told her to not tell anyone else and to tell the people she has told to stay mum.

Thanks for all of the feedback everyone. It has helped!!!

sweetpealee · April 2011

I would be pretty pissed too- I told my mom when I was about five and a half weeks, asked her not to tell anyone else, and she told a few people. Even without specifically saying that you don't want the news shared yet, I still get annoyed when people act like it's their news to tell- it should be understood or clarified, especially if you have had a previous loss.

nykkybaby · April 2011

bridgetleimk:

No, I can't remember telling her specifically not to tell anyone. So I can't be too upset, but she isn't the kind of person to not think like that. She's the kind of person that would ask if it was ok to tell anyone. So I haven't vented to her, just told her to not tell anyone else and to tell the people she has told to stay mum.

Thanks for all of the feedback everyone. It has helped!!!

Yes you have every right to be pissed. You should not have to be specific with a 29 yr old woman with 4 siblings who have been pregnant before. She should know better, especially if you have had a mc.

jaminjeff · April 2011

We've had two m/c's before this one and I have to say, we still told earlier than most people would. That being said, my problem wasn't that people told others before I was ready, people felt the need to tell MY news to people that I would want to tell it to. BIL told some of our very best friends and I wasn't even there for it (DH was hanging out with them and he got pissed at his brother and said something). My mom told my nieces (18 and 19 y/o) when I would have loved to do this myself and that was AFTER I had to warn my mother to keep her mouth shut to my sister and my grandma because I wanted to wait until after the heartbeat to tell each of them. My mom just kept asking, "when can I tell people?" and didn't ever seem to get that I kept telling her I wanted to tell these people.

sedo2480 · April 2011

My MIL told her entire church and family! I am not super happy but I know it came from a good place. This is her first grandchild from her only child so she actually guessed when we asked to come out to dinner. She told everyone before we even confirmed her suspicions. Although I would not want to share miscarriage with the entire church and the entire family I am trying to be positive and accept all of the extra prayers since an entire church is not praying for this baby Smile

StephK86 · April 2011

I posted this before I had my friend out me on facebook very early too. Everyone seen her post before I could delete it. I get the messages sent to my phone and all of a sudden my phone was going nuts! I seen her post and then everyone's response. She texted me with "I am sorry should I delete it?" A little too late then.

My advice is talk to your sister now before more people find out. The people who do message you I would ask them to please not say anything, that you wanted to wait to share your good news. That was rude of your sister whether you told her to be quiet or not it's not her news to share!

sara622 · April 2011

I would definitely be upset too but I guess you have to be REALLY straight forward with people. We're planning on telling our families tomorrow (YAY!) and we're going to ask that they not tell ANYONE until we give them the ok.

The only person who knows right now is one of my employees at work who just figured it out on her own when she saw me eating saltines at my desk. She came marching in to my office and yelled at the top of her lungs "You're pregnant aren't you?" . I could have killed her! My reaction was to put my finger to my lips and say "SHHHHHH!" so then she knew for sure. Ugh. I was really annoyed. And I have a feeling she's been telling people at work, which is really upsetting to me. I wanted to have that moment of telling them myself and getting an honest reaction from them. Now it's going to be fake since they already know. But whatever. I'm not going to let it ruin my fun!

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