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October 2011 Moms
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Snowbird Grandparents?

KindraMcKindraMc member
in October 2011 Moms

Wondering if anyone else can sympathize with this issue: We are from Canada, and as of this November - my in laws will be living in Florida 6months out of the year (don't blame them, but....). They plan to leave the beginning of November and therefore will be staying for the birth - and then taking off. At this point, they don't even plan on coming home for Christmas - and we are DEFINITELY not going there. I had snow bird grandparents and had an awful relationship with them because of it and I'm worried the same thing is going to happen.

The worst part is, is that my in laws are WONDERFUL and are honestly going to be the best grandparents ever - but they are going to miss most of their grandchild's life (first grandchild too!!) - and they don't really seem to care that much. My husband acts like it doesn't bother him but it REALLY bothers me.

Anyone else in the same boat? Where it's not just a matter of distance - but they are choosing to be absent grandparents?

 ETA: Or, am I overreacting?

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Re: Snowbird Grandparents?

  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    My parents own a house in FL and will be spending a lot of time there once my mom officially retires. They wil be here for the holidays because it's important to my mom but they aren't going to be at every soccer game or scout award ceremony. Distance has nothing to do with how "good" of a grandparent someone is. They spent their lives and time raising their children and now they are free to do what they please. I don't see why them choosing to enjoy their retirement should bother you. Many people don't have grandparents at all, or have grandparents who live far away 365 days a year. Be greatful they will be near you at least part time, and who knows maybe Thanksgiving next year in FL might be fun.
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  • KindraMcKindraMc member

    imagecantalopes24:
    My parents own a house in FL and will be spending a lot of time there once my mom officially retires. They wil be here for the holidays because it's important to my mom but they aren't going to be at every soccer game or scout award ceremony. Distance has nothing to do with how "good" of a grandparent someone is. They spent their lives and time raising their children and now they are free to do what they please. I don't see why them choosing to enjoy their retirement should bother you. Many people don't have grandparents at all, or have grandparents who live far away 365 days a year. Be greatful they will be near you at least part time, and who knows maybe Thanksgiving next year in FL might be fun.

     You know what - I totally agree with you and want them to be able to enjoy their retirement and am very happy for them that they are in the position in their still young lives to do this. I guess my reaction to this comes from personal experience and I hope that you are right. Maybe my child's experience will be different from my own because they are genuinely good grandparents, and mine just really sucked! (they did, big time - maybe it wasn't just the distance)

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  • Ceridwen21Ceridwen21 member

    I'd be upset too, but I think you're overreacting.  Like the PP said, amount of face-time does not equal good grandparenting.  My dad's parents lived in the UK and I probably only saw them once every 2 years as a child, but we had a wonderful relationship.  I just came across a pile of letters they sent me over the years and it really touched me how close we were even though we were far apart.  We were so close, in fact, that if we're having a girl her middle name will be my grandmother's name.

    Your ILs will be there 6 months of each year, and I'm sure once the baby gets older you guys will enjoy a sunny vacation every once in a while visiting them.  Don't stress over this.  Sounds like a great arrangement to me.

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  • cantalopes24cantalopes24 member
    imageCeridwen21:

    I'd be upset too, but I think you're overreacting.  Like the PP said, amount of face-time does not equal good grandparenting.  My dad's parents lived in the UK and I probably only saw them once every 2 years as a child, but we had a wonderful relationship.  I just came across a pile of letters they sent me over the years and it really touched me how close we were even though we were far apart.  We were so close, in fact, that if we're having a girl her middle name will be my grandmother's name.

    Your ILs will be there 6 months of each year, and I'm sure once the baby gets older you guys will enjoy a sunny vacation every once in a while visiting them.  Don't stress over this.  Sounds like a great arrangement to me.

    And as an added bonus your child may be enjoying a sunny vacation while you and YH are enjoying a vacation elsewhere. I know my parents will be taking our kids to FL with them occasionally without us.

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  • SandyandFrankieSandyandFrankie
    We're from Canada too and hubby's grandparents are, as you say, snowbird grandparents.  He has an AMAZING relationship with them.. but I will say they don't leave for Florida until after Christmas or sometimes right after New Years, but they are often away for Easter.  I really don't think it affected him negatively at all. Now we live hours away from everyone, so all the grandparents will be absent most of the time.  I never lived near any of my grandparents either, but all the time I did spend with them was the greatest and I don't feel bad about them not being omnipresent throughout my childhood.
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  • rktorkto

    my parents are becoming snowbirds next year.  and the worst part, they are giving up their primary residence in CAnada. So they have a summer place that they have to leave by October 31st (I am due October 30th) and they have the Florida winter place for the other 6 months.

    they CANT come home for Xmas because there is nowhere for them to live.  Their summer place is closed.  

    They are in the process of selling their house right now and I want to tell them to wait a year, but how can I?  And they live 1-2 hours away anyway, so I dont know what we will do the week after the birth when I would like them to be nearby to help me out. 

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  • GuillermaGuillerma member
    If your grandparents were awful grandparents, I guarantee they had bigger issues than their travel habits. I had snowbird grandparents and we had the best relationship I could imagine. The bonus was that I got to spend Christmas breaks and Spring breaks in Florida! I think you are over-reacting. If they are going to good grandparents they will, regardless of where they are located.
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  • kpowerswkpowersw

    Our kiddos have snowbird grandparents (my husband's parents), but we're actually where they come to get away from the snow...so we don't see them during the summer.  My kids are super close to their grandparents so there's no reason they won't be in your case too.  And while they are a great help while they're here it's kind of nice in the summer to just have our own schedule to worry about.  And on the holidays....even though they were supposed to be here over the Winter my ILs actually went home to Michigan over Christmas on DS#1's first Christmas!  I was pretty annoyed...but they missed him so much they have never done that again.  So yours may change their minds on the holiday front too.  :)

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  • happylady07happylady07 member
    imageCeridwen21:

    I'd be upset too, but I think you're overreacting.  Like the PP said, amount of face-time does not equal good grandparenting.  My dad's parents lived in the UK and I probably only saw them once every 2 years as a child, but we had a wonderful relationship.  I just came across a pile of letters they sent me over the years and it really touched me how close we were even though we were far apart.  We were so close, in fact, that if we're having a girl her middle name will be my grandmother's name.

    Your ILs will be there 6 months of each year, and I'm sure once the baby gets older you guys will enjoy a sunny vacation every once in a while visiting them.  Don't stress over this.  Sounds like a great arrangement to me.

    Couldn't have said it better myself!  You can't expect them to give up their lives for their grandkids- they already raised their kids, they earned their freedom!  You are blessed to have them 6 months out of the year!  

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  • LCassLCass member

    I can understand why you're feeling like this, but I think you'll have to wait and see how it works out.  As many others have posted, distance doesn't automatically mean a bad relationship!  I had one set of grandparents on the other side of the world (South Africa) for my entire life and I still feel like I've had a great relationship with my grandmother (it was a different story for my grandfather because of health issues that meant I never really got to know him, which would've been the same wherever he lived).

    Your in-laws might also find they hate being so far from everyone for so much of the year, especially with a new first grandchild.  I'm guessing this is something they'd been planning for a while and that timing now ends up being somewhat unfortunate.  Not that I'm saying you should bank on that, but it's a possibility.  It's also possible that your kids will appreciate their grandparents more because they're NOT around all the time (we tend to take for granted the people who are always there).

    Hope things turn out better than you're expecting!

    BFP #1: July 12, 2010 Natural M/C: July 26, 2010

    BFP #2: January 30 ,2011 Born: September 29, 2011

    BFP #3: January 5, 2013 Born: August 25, 2013


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