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1st Trimester
jaimella
member
Why can't Bridezilla be happy for me???
jaimella
member
I am about to rant about my supposed friend... She got engaged this past summer, and asked me to be her Matron of Honor (not that we are particulary close, but because I am "super organized and crafty" - in hindsight I think she was hiring me to be wedding planner of sorts) She also knew at the time she asked that DH and I were TTC.
Fast forward several months, the wedding is all planned the dresses are all ordered and I am not feeling so hot. I take a HPT and get a BFP OMG I was so excited! DH and I made plans to tell our parents that weekend, and I called Bride and left her a message that I have exciting news and she needs to call me asap - two weeks passed without hearing from her. I posted my first sonogram picture on facebook because I was so excited. She texts me "Are you pregnant???? A (one of the other bridesmaids) just told me". I said yes, didn't you get my message? She said congrats and that she would understand if I didn't want to be a part of the wedding since I will have so much going on. I said No, I want to be a part of the wedding, and that I may have to upgrade my dress to a tent LOL. She wrote back LOL too and then I haven't heard from her for another 2 weeks. Mind you during that time I was emailing her, texting her, calling her. Granted we work opposing schedules(she works nights and I work days) but I even told DH that I was getting worried.
I got an email from her last monday saying she and the FI discussed it and they think it will be too much stress on me and the baby to be the MOH... Not even a phone call. Yesterday she finally picked up a phone to call me but I missed the call while I was driving, her voicemail was light and airy like she didn't treat me like the plague for having the happiest thing in life happen to me... today she texted me to call her asap because we need to catch up!!
The wedding is November 5 and my EDD is now November 16! Am I wrong for not wanting to talk to her? I feel used and that I am being tossed aside for not being useful anymore...Maybe its all my hormones, and I know I need to not leave this open ended, but I don't know if I want to even give her closure after how rude she has been to me. Thoughts? Suggestions?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why can't Bridezilla be happy for me???
In her own rude way, she might be trying to help you out. There is a very good chance you won't make it to the wedding, given how close the dates are.
She could still at least talk to you about it, though.
I don't know what your relationship is like with this girl but it doesn't sound like she's treating you like the plague to me. Does she normally call you right back if you leave a message (before you announced) or does she always take a few days to call?
Nothing is wrong with how you feel but I would call to talk with her. Even if she hasn't been the best of friends, if you still want her to be a friend you're going to have to let it go. I'd also venture to say that maybe she is doing you a favor by giving the MOH duty to someone else. Now you don't have to plan a shower or bachelorette party when you're hugely pregnant! You can focus on you and your growing family.
You can ask if she would like you to still be a bridesmaid if you'd love to support her on her wedding day.
This! I think in her mind, she is doing you a favor and probably doesn't realize that you're upset. I would have a conversation with her about it and let her know how you feel. I have a feeling it's just a misunderstanding.
Agreed. While you most likely won't deliver on her wedding day, the possibility is there and I'm sure you will not wanting to be running around doing your MOH duties 9 months pregnant. I know that I wouldn't want to!
You do realize that there's a good possibility that you may have a baby on November 5th? Also, just as no one is as excited about your wedding as you are, no one is as excited about your baby as you. I usually go for a couple of weeks without talking to my BFF/MOH/due date buddy (yeah, we're so close we managed to get knocked up together
), and it's really no big deal. She probably is happy for you, just isn't interested in hearing you go on and on about baby. She does have a major life issue to focus on as well.
I think her saying you needed to step down was wrong, but I think it's also what's best for you. My MOH and her hubby are the couple that will never use BC during their married life, and I would be heartbroken for her to miss my wedding, but I would also like to have a MOH. I missed her wedding due to several unexpected complications, and she had another bridesmaid fill in as the MOH. I'm totally fine with that, I'm just so sad I couldn't be there (along with most of her family). She doesn't sound like a "Bridezilla" (I cringe at that term), she sounds like a normal human being. You seem to feel like the world has shifted on its axis (which, for you, it has), but most people aren't going to feel that way. Sorry.
To her, her wedding is the best thing to happen to her . . . and your due date and the wedding date are a little too close for comfort. My sister is getting married next June and DH and I talked about skipping the month of September TTC so I wouldn't potentially miss the wedding . . . That was before we found out that we were pregnant in March!
When you're ready you will talk to her. Besides, I think you will have enough things to worry about in the coming months and now you can focus on your family and let someone else help her out
I agree with everyone that it's sort of understandable actually that she wants you to relinquish the MOH role...there's a pretty good chance that you won't make it to the wedding, and even if you haven't given birth at that point, I'm sure you won't feel like standing in heels through a whole ceremony.
What's not understandable is the way she communicated it to you; she should have just been more honest up front about her reasoning rather than letting you go on for awhile thinking you were part of the wedding party.
It's probably a blessing in disguise...I was my BFF's MOH and it was one of the more stressful days of my life and involved lots of running around...not something you're going to want to do 9 mos pregnant.
That was me last January, one of my bridesmaids told me she was pregnant and was due Septmber 15th my wedding was September 18th. Obviously I was excited for her...... but at the same time all I was thinking about was "thats a three day difference, no possible way she can be in the wedding"
MH and I talked and we spoke with her, she stepped down as a bridesmaid and honestly thank goodness she did because she had the baby on the 17th.
At the time my biggest concern was making sure our wedding day was perfect and having a bridesmaid pregnant and due so close to our wedding day was one thing I didn't need to worry about on top of the million other things.
I know we are all super sensitive right now, but put yourself in her shoes. I'm sure you would react the same way. Cut her a little slack, I'm sure she is excited for you.