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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Do I have the right to be upset?
DH works 3rd shift Sunday-Thursday so I am taking care of DS 99% of the time. DH sees DS MAYBE for 2 hours everyday before DS goes to bed. We agreed that on Fridays and Saturdays that I would have "Me" time. Well today DH decided he was exhausted and is asleep. I am very upset. I am also very exhausted and I want some "me" time.
Should I be upset or just grow the hell up?
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Re: Do I have the right to be upset?
Yes, you do. Don't ever feel bad about how you are feeling...BUT it is really important for you to communicate that as well. Keep in mind, that just like you, everyone has an exhausted day once in a while.
This.
And why can't your me time just be a bit later today? Or do you get the WHOLE day?
How much "me" time were you hoping to get? Do you stay at home?
I guess to me, all of Friday and all of Saturday sounds like a lot of me time. If he normally sleeps during the day, it makes sense to me that he would want to sleep, then would help with care tonight. Plus, if he's working 3rd shift, then LO should be sleeping most of that time right? I'm not trying to be snarky, but IMO it seems like you're hoping for a whole lot.
Just curious- do you guys get much time together if he's working 3rd shift and then sleeping during the day? DH has toyed with going to 3rd shift because it's much better pay at his work, but I've been anti-3rd shift.
I totally agree with this but this is how it goes on the weekends.
He will sleep all day on Friday, stay up all night and play video games, then come to bed around 5am then DS is up at 7 or so. He will come in around 830am and wake me up because he is tired and I am up at 830am on Saturday and then on Sundays, he will sleep all day because he has to go to work that night.
The video game thing would piss me off (thats just immature). Have you talked to him about his obsessive gaming?
But you are complaining about getting to sleep in twice a week until 8:30?!?! Thats fantastic. I don't think either of us gets to sleep in that late....ever. At least not since DD was born. And even before that, we rarely slept in that late since we've been adults and had full time jobs.
No not really. But I knew this when we got together 3 years ago.
I am not trying to sound selfish, but I like to get out of the house and enjoy some time to myself. I am a SAHM mom and I rarely go out with DS during the week because we live so far from town (we live in the country) and family time is nill right now.
That sucks and sounds like you need to talk it out and then remind him of what he agreed to. Someone else mentioned how tough third shift is. I've never worked it but my mother always has and it's tough. You're up all night and sleep during the day and then on your days off people expect you can jump back to a normal schedule. It sounds like he can't fall asleep over night on Friday nights so it might be tough for you to get a day to sleep in. I'd fight for an afternoon nap maybe
Ever since my mother died in January, I've had a hard time sleeping. So no, I don't sleep like I should. DH and I agreed that I would get saturday to sleep in and I haven't had my saturday to sleep in.
ok well you didn't mention that he had agreed to that. You just said he had agreed to me time some time on saturday. You need to talk to him about it and specify a time for sleeping in. In my house, 8"30 would be considered sleeping in so maybe he thinks the same thing. You need to set a specific time that you get to sleep until. Just sit down and talk to him about it when he wakes up.
eta: have you also looked into counseling to help you deal with your loss? I'm sorry you are going through that.
Yes. But my therapist is currently in the hospital. I talk to my stepdad once a week and that seems to be helping. I just have nightmares of when I had to pull her off life support.
I just went in at 1215 to wake him up and he said he wanted to go back to sleep. I slammed the door. I am very upset.
I understand why you are upset, but handling it that way won't accomplish anything. Go back in and tell him you want to talk. Give him 15 minutes or so to wake up and then sit down and talk to him about how you feel.
When I went in there at 1215 he was partially awake and I said "Can you please get up now so I can do my thing?" and he said "I am tired. I want to sleep more" I then explained that we had an agreement and he just rolled back over to go back to sleep.
Honestly, if my H did that, I would demand counseling. He's a douche.
LOL we are in counseling and our therapist is very sick and in the hospital. I don't want to start with another therapist. But what gets me is if his family were to call right now and say they need help, he would get up and go help them. I swear I am about to lose it.
yeah I'm on your side now. He's being ridiculous.
Oh it's ok. Next week is going to be HELL for him. Just watch.
This. I don't mean to sound like a b*tch but I am sure he would like some "me time" for himself. I am sorry your in this situation and I can see you are frustrated and need time for yourself, we all do. But being mad at him does make you selfish IMO it be different if he had been out partying or X fun thing but that's not the case.
That's my honest opinion.
This would irritate the shyt out of me. I am sorry but your H needs to grow up. It just irks me when I hear spouses complain that their H's play video games till wee hrs of the morning but won't help out with kids, house chores, etc. I have a few friends with H's like and I give them side-eyes all the time.
Don't get me wrong both you and H need alone time it good and healthy. And I don't have anything against H's playing video games till wee hrs of the night but first and for most is that the priorities of the home come first.
What irks me is when H's would rather play video games then help out at home or spend any quality time with their LO. Like I said I have a couple of friends with H?s like. It?s like come on dude grow up you?re a man with responsibilities your all day video game days are over.