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need help with getting my 5yr old to eat dinner..
I need some tricks. My 5 yr old has had a very hard year, and I need to find a way to get her through dinner where I don't have to yell at her or scold her to get her to eat. She sits down for dinner and clams up, immediately saying "I'll just take a no thank you bite then I'll be done"... before she even tries it.
I used to make more adventerous foods, but have been trying to tailor dinners to things she likes- mac-n-cheese, fish, pasta, chicken, etc. I've also got the rule that if she doesn't finnish dinner, she's not allowed to eat anything else the remainder of the evening. She has one small snack when she gets home from school- always something healthy like fruit, goldfish,etc...
Just looking for some ideas. I hate how stressful dinnertime has gotten. probably 75% of the time it's a fight to get her to eat...
Brigit, Mom to Alex, Isabelle and Charlotte, Widow to Earl
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Re: need help with getting my 5yr old to eat dinner..
Is your DD underweight? Did she use to eat dinner with you and this is something new?
If she is not underweight, I would not stress about it and feed her when she is hungry, she will tell you when she is hungry. I would start maybe with a few things that she likes and if she still doesn't want to eat then just say "ok, but when you are hungry this is whats to eat" This may just be a phase but I don't know much background on your situation or DD and I am only speaking from one mom to another since I have no degree or training in this area.
If she is losing weight over not eating then I would definetely make a doc appointment and see what the doc recommends.
It isn't easy but try to make the dinner table free of stress. You provide healthy food (with at least one item you know she's willing to eat) and if she choses not to eat that's her choice. We focus on manners and staying at the table long enough for polite conversation. And we try really hard not to focus on how much the kids are eating. We do have a rule that there's no dessert unless they've eaten their veggies even though dessert is usually just fruit with whipped cream or sprinkles.
Unless you suspect a medical condition or she's actually losing weight. In that case, get to the doctor and insist on testing. Be prepared to push hard for answers -- it took almost 3 years to figure out that my DD had celiac disease.
I have a 6yo who isn't the greatest eater, and what I have discovered lately is getting her good & hungry before dinner. Because she's so tiny, I do let her snack if she feels hungry between meals. But I was def. letting her do so too close to dinner. I'm getting a lot less pushback lately & she's actually been more open to trying new/different things.
I do think that you are locked in a power battle that you need to get out of. You note that she gets no snacks for the rest of the evening if she doesn't "finish dinner". I've never required my kids to completely finish their dinners. If they eat a good dinner (as defined by myself or DH) then they can have snack or dessert after dinner sometimes- if not, they cannot.
I agree. DD started getting really self-conscious when I was commenting on what she was or wasn't eating. I didn't realize the connection until I stopped nitpicking. I would skip the snack after school. Does she say she's hungry when she gets that snack or are you just offering it? Make sure "hungry" if she says she is, isn't just boredom after getting out of school. And being in the kitchen has helped my DD a lot, too. She used to declare everything we made "too spicy" without even tasting it... now she sees what goes into what I'm making, and that has made her more willing to try things.
Hard year: My DH was DX with cancer, had failing health for 9ish months both at home and in hospitals, ER's and nursing homes- add to that ambulances and EMT's, and then died on Thanksgiving. I also had a baby in that time. And she started Kindergarten as well.
I don't make her "finnish" her dinner, so much as make a decent dent in it, but she'd like to either not eat or just eat a few bites.
I have her help in the kitchen when I can- and she enjoys that. She ate her eggs and some pancakes last night, I was thrilled.
I don't offer her an after school snack, only give it if she asks.
She hasn't gained any weight this past year... she's heald steady but grown taller. I'm not really worried about her weight, and I really don't want to create food issues with her. I just want there to be no stress around the dinner table...
First, sorry about your loss. Sounds like you've all had a tough year!
If your goal is for a stress-free dinner....then I would take out that stress. Don't try and convince her, don't really talk about it, etc. If she wants her bite and that's it....let it be. Just set 2 requirements....that just must taste everything on her plate and just must sit at the table until she is done (or you excuse her). Just try that for a while- it may be a power struggle or her trying to get a rise out of you. Once she realizes thats not the case- she may go back to eating.
As for a snack later- not sure what your night looks like....but often I feed the girls at about 5/5:30. They go to bed by 7:30 so if they are hungry before then I do let them have a snack. However, I give them a choice....its usually nuts, cheese or fruit. And they know that. Or sometimes if they didn't finish their dinner....I leave that out and say if they are hungry later that is what they will eat. WE don't do dessert.
Both of my kids were fairly picky eaters. People always think that the toddler years are the worst for food, but I actually found that ages 4 and 5 were harder with both of my kids. It does get better, though!
Here are some things that helped us through the roughest times:
--tiny portions, pre-cut into bite sized pieces. Kids can get overwhelmed by what seems to them to be a huge pile of food. A typical first serving for my kids at age 4 would be something like: 6 bites of chicken, 6 florets of broccoli, a quarter of broiled potato cut into pieces.
--all the bites of every type of food have to be eaten before the child can have seconds of any of the portions. I.e., you can't fill up on potato or roll and blow off the broccoli. In fact, I have often withheld bread from my kids until they finished the rest of the meal.
--don't urge the child to eat, don't make threats, don't bargain, don't be tempted to say "just x more bites!" Put out the food and let the child choose whether to eat.
--keep snacks on a schedule. It is amazing how much an after-school snack can fill up a 5 year old and make dinner seem less appetizing. We found that snacks eaten after 4 really affected dinner, even if dinner was at 6:30!
--my kids are always most willing to try new foods when they have a chance to help plan the menu and to help cook. I bought a kids' cookbook, and I occasionally ask my kids to pick something we've never made before. I've been able to get my kids to eat such weird stuff as pesto pizza, spinach-noodle soup, and chef salads with this method. I'm always amazed by what my kids pick when I leave it up to them!