GRRR no privacy (vent)

amandachs · April 2011

Today was my first day back at work, and for the first part of it I was doing pretty good. I took a break outside just to get some fresh air this afternoon and my Lt. happened to walk by (I work at a police dept). He noticed I was upset looking and asked if there was anything he could do. I said no, that I appreciated the offer, and that I just needed to get some air. He called his girlfriend, one of our female detectives, who came out to check on me and proceeded to tell me all about her m/c a year ago. I swear, I don't want to talk about my uterus anymore ... to anyone ... ESPECIALLY people I don't know on the level of friendship or family. What is this, I had a m/c too and therefore I know exactly what your going through day?!?!

I had barely walked in the door and stopped in the main restroom to wash my hands and in walks our police chief's secretary... who tells me all about the twins she lost 18 years ago. Told me how "God has a bigger plan for me" and that she could go through her cell phone and every woman she knew had a m/c at some point. Well whoopee for you... Told me that she knew for sure that it wouldn't happen the next time because it never did for any of her friends. I'm not one of your friends!!!

I'm hurt, scared, embarressed, and want to be left alone. I don't want to be your bossom buddy just because we have this tragedy in common. Especially when you act like a m/c expert or like you know me and my situation. 'Cause guess what ... you don't know either.

nikileebaugh · April 2011

if i had a quarter for everytime someone said

"oh God has a plan"

"it just wasn't time"

"God needed another angel"

"you guys are young, you have plenty of time"

" i know what you're going through, i had a miscarriage 25 years ago".

i'd be rich. filthy stinking rich. it's been over 3 week since my D&C, and i still have people coming up to me and wanting to talk about it. i just get real snippy, and they get the hint. not even just that, i'm still dealing with people asking me "oh how are the babies? are you still feeling sick?" NO JERKOFF. get the memo, everyone else did. i lost them both and DONT want to talk about it. i even had one of my DH's friends come up to me at the bar and grab my beer out of my hand and say "niki, what the hell are you doing? you're pregnant!" UM no A*SSHOLE. i'm not anymore. thanks and give me my da*n beer back.

if it's not one thing, it's the other - and i dont want to talk about it anything that has to do with it. the only people i want to talk about it with is my ladies at the bump lol. i just come on here and vent about it to these ladies and they usually make me feel better.

JessMike07 · April 2011

:::HUGS::: I hear you. I remember how awful the first few days of work after a m/c is. I remember feeling embarassed and hated facing everyone. People either ignore you or say all the wrong things. Even after my 4th m/c last week, it took me a few days to adjust. I'm in an ok place that I'm able to talk about it but can understand wanting your privacy. Just remember these people do have good intentions as hard as it is to see now. I had to laugh about the secretary's comment that "it won't happen again because it never did to my friends". :::sigh::: That's pretty naive. I hope work gets better soon!!!

hopefulmom81 · April 2011

I am so sorry for your loss and for dealing with ignorant people ((HUG))

LaTi07 · April 2011

Oh hunny, I feel ya! Not just on the loss aspect, but on dealing with your law enforcement family as well. My DH is a detective and told only 2 people about our loss. Within a few days everyone knew. About a week after my m/c my DH was in an accident on duty so every officer and their mother went to the hospital. Pretty much the entire time we were at the hospital, I had cops left and right asking me how I was doing and telling me their stories.

I'm sorry. Right Hug

mfpickle25 · April 2011

I am so sorry. That sounds awful. I know they were trying to help in their own way but it was always more upsetting then comforting to me.

boymamaco · April 2011

I am so sorry. It sucks. We didn't tell many people but a lot of people knew we were struggling with IF. It's the same thing there - just relax and it will happen, my friend adopted and then conceived naturally, another friend had to have a surrogate but then became pregnant on her own. Why is it that everyone just wants to reach out and share a story that has no relevancy? So frustrating. I hope tomorrow goes better!

MsCoyote · April 2011

amandachs:
I'm hurt, scared, embarressed, and want to be left alone. I don't want to be your bossom buddy just because we have this tragedy in common. Especially when you act like a m/c expert or like you know me and my situation. 'Cause guess what ... you don't know either.

I'm with you. Cops are the worst gossips, because we are information gatherers by nature.

I head back to work on Monday, and only my closest friend in the dept. knows what's going on with my PG/MC. I just told the higher-ups I was having "medical issues" and I'd have a doctor's note to be back to full duty when I return. Since I didn't tell anyone what was going on, they all assume it's a "girl thing" anyway.

Sorry you have to deal with this BS. Stay strong and safe.

Coyote.

1220winterbride · April 2011

amanda,

You have no reason to be embarrassed. But you have every right to asked to be left alone. I am so sorry your work associates are being so insensitive. hugs.

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