Is something wrong with me? I am 34 weeks and still don't feel a very emotional attachment to this beautiful life growing inside of me. I have been waiting for so long to have my second child and now the time is finally here. This was a planned pregnancy and we are beyond prepared. Completely opposite from the birth of our first child who is now 7yrs old. He is so excited about being a big brother and most of my excitment is for him. Please don't get me wrong I am happy but all I can think about is OMG I am going to be a mother of two. I don't want to sacrifice any of the time I get to spend with my son. He is my world and when I look at him I think to myself, " what have i done?" I am feeling like maybe our family was already complete. I feel like such a horrible person right now. I know that things will change as soon as my new little angel is in my arms but as the due date gets closer I am growing very anxious. I have tried to talk to DH but he is not very good with this kind of stuff. Should I maybe go talk to a Dr.?
Re: 34 weeks- no attatchment
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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I think this is really common of 2nd time moms.
I think with your first, you have nothing else to focus on besides that baby. You go all out, read the pregnancy books, etc. With the 2nd, you know what to expect. You have less time to focus on the pregnancy because your focus is on another child. You feel some guilt like you're taking away from that first child. The day of my c-section with DD, I cried the whole way there. I missed my DS terribly and was unsure of what I was doing.
I promise you, things will change after the baby is born. It might happen instantly, or it might happen 3 months after the baby is born. After my 2nd arrived, it felt like she was meant to be there. She just fit in perfectly with our little family and I cannot imagine life without her.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It's hard to be attached to the idea of a child. You don't know who this baby is or what they look like or anything yet. The attachment will come. Bonding is complicated and it takes time.
If you are feeling really anxious, it might be good to talk your feelings out with someone--a friend, a counselor, etc.
didn't read through the pp so sorry if this is a repeat idea. maybe b/c you were waiting so long and spent so much emotion trying to have baby #2, now some of those feelings are gone for now? i say talk to a dr. if you feel it'll help but my suspicion is that they will tell you it's a totally normal feeling to have and that you're not alone.
It's certainly easy to feel guilty about a lack of attachment. Whenever women on the site complain about their SO's lack of enthusiasm, most people respond along the lines of "Women become a mommy as soon as they get the BFP. Many men have to wait for the actual birth."
Sometimes exceptions for women will be acknowledged like once you have the first ultrasound or once you feel the first kick. Well I've gone through all that and am still pretty darn ambivalent. And like you, this pregnancy was totally planned and intentional. (It's my first, however.) Part of it was being super cautious about getting hopes up early on. But once it became safe, no emotions magically jump started.
DH, on the other hand, has been bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm the entire 8 months, so there will be a proper welcome for the baby regardless.