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I don't know what to do. Help. Discipline.

cynnnabuncynnnabun member
in School-Aged Children

My 5 year old is getting a bit out of control. She's not violent or anything. But she talks back and REFUSES to listen to ANYBODY. To the point where every single thing in the world is a HUGE fight with her.

Plus the way she speaks is just plain disrespectful. She always liked to be center of attention and run the show, but recently she's just gotten way out of control with it. It's her way, or it's the end of the world.

Time out, which was effective when she was 3 and did something wrong, is a joke. And I don't smack her. Although, even if I did, it wouldn't matter. She'd let you kill her before she'd stop talking back and listen. She's seriously that stubborn.

Does anyone have any good techniques/books/classes/anything for parenting and discipline around her age? I'm honestly at a loss on how to get her behavior under control and get my sweet kid back.

TIA! 

Chelsea; 7/22/2005 Carissa; 4/9/2011 Cassidy; 9/6/2012
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
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Re: I don't know what to do. Help. Discipline.

  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    I've had a lot of luck with being super positive with my kids.  I lay it on thick, too.  In your case I'd say something like "you're such a great listener, so I know that when I ask you to put on your coat in 5 minutes you're going to be mom's great listener and go put your coat on without fussing."  Then when she does it, lavish the praise.  Somehow, telling my kids that I know they can do what I ask of them b/c they are great at it gets them to do exactly what I want.  Once I did that for awhile, I've been able to just say "where are my awesome listeners?" when they're not doing what I ask. But I make sure to compliment them on their good listening skills when they shape up quickly.
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • DandelionMomDandelionMom

    The best book for this kind of thing is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and How To Listen So Kids Will Talk. 

     

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  • vanessa11411vanessa11411 member
    My daughter had never been bad but everyonce in a while she can be a smart ass. She's only 6 and I'm not big on spanking, I've probably given her a smack about 4 times her entire life. To keep her in line we do a star chart and behavior is on there and we remind her that if she doesnt earn enough stars she won't be getting any money for her piggy bank. I also sit her down and explain to her that things just dont get handed to you, even I have to earn the things that I want. We let her watch the news and let her see that there are alot of people out there who have nothing and she should be grateful for the awesome life that she has.
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  • ppantsppants member
    Is she watching anything on TV or movies that could be reenforcing the behavior?  I always try to give appropriate choices when possible so they feel in control. 
    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • smiles1285smiles1285
    I think it's the age. My 5 year old also has days like this. She is very well behaved 90% of the time. I know that some of this is maturing, trying to figure out how far she can go, and learning it from other kids. My approach is, for the most part, the positive reinforcement type. It usually works, but there are times when I have to be firm and let her know that this behavior will not be tolerated. My hubby and I are not spankers so we have to be more creative with appropriate punishments. Boy o boy, this parenting thing is harder than it was a couple years ago.
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  • kj1025kj1025 member

    Oh my goodness...I could've written this post myself.  My 5 yr. old DD has been the same lately, to the point where she is even throwing temper tantrums again.  The best form of defense I have is talking to her, letting her know what is okay and not okay, and putting her in her room.  She does not like to be isolated from her family and all that goes on beyond her doors.  I ask her teacher at school if they are experiencing the same problem, and they always reply no.  She is very well behaved at home.  All I can think is that she will try whatever she can at home w/me, because she knows I love her unconditionally and is experiementing with behavior.  I know this time will pass, but geese louise...it seems to be getting harder the older she gets!  Good luck!  I hope it passes fast for you!

    :), Kylie

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  • LilyzmomLilyzmom

    imageshouldbworkin:
    I've had a lot of luck with being super positive with my kids.  I lay it on thick, too.  In your case I'd say something like "you're such a great listener, so I know that when I ask you to put on your coat in 5 minutes you're going to be mom's great listener and go put your coat on without fussing."  Then when she does it, lavish the praise.  Somehow, telling my kids that I know they can do what I ask of them b/c they are great at it gets them to do exactly what I want.  Once I did that for awhile, I've been able to just say "where are my awesome listeners?" when they're not doing what I ask. But I make sure to compliment them on their good listening skills when they shape up quickly.

     My DD is six and we have had the same type of issues with her. This is great advice and I will definately start this TODAY!! Thanks so much!

    A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. ~Victor Hugo Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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