thebump scare anyone else??

kalajaye17 · April 2011

>>>>DONT GET ME WRONG, i am so sorrry for the moms here who have lost their LO's. my heart goes out to yall!

But what im saying is seeing all the m/c things and bleeding or spotting post just terrifies me. I just didnt realize it was sooo common, and definately not after 13 weeks. Adds alot more fears to my already crazy mind lol anyone else feel this wayy?

please dont let this offend anyone...

alison2379 · April 2011

You clearly have not been around very long to a) have this be new information and b) think it was a good idea to post this.

alison2379 · April 2011

somebodysmama21:
alison2379:
You clearly have not been around very long to a) have this be new information and b) think it was a good idea to post this.

I dont think it was bad she posted it, she is just saying it scares her, that is a normal thing to say, she didnt say she hated people for posting about it. I think she has every right to say that it scares her. Plus maybe she hasnt been around long the reality is I have known at least 50 women in my adult life who have had successful pregnancies you really dont realize its that common. She is just stating a fact and she has that right.

Having a "right" to post something is hardly a good argument. Posts like this quickly make women who are already going through worrisome bleeding or other issues feel even WORSE about what is going on. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, but someone else's bleeding/worry/concern has nothing to do with you and does not raise or lower your chances. Stop clicking on those posts, or stop visiting The Bump if you're not interested in seeing them. I think commenting on how posts like these scare YOU is wildly insensitive.

hopefulinCO · April 2011

alison2379:
You clearly have not been around very long to a) have this be new information and b) think it was a good idea to post this.

Yes Alison is right. These posts never go over very well.

kalajaye17 · April 2011

again im sorry if this offended anyone, i honestly didnt mean it to..

and i dont blame anyone for posting questions, i would if i had one, just saying its unnerving to me. and to answer "a" no i havent been around long im 11 weeks along with my first.

hunnybunny614 · April 2011

Perhaps this would have been better posted on First Tri. I get what you mean, until we started TTC I honestly did not know the m/c rate was as high as it is. But the poor punctuation and grammar, paired with "don't let this offend anyone.." didn't help. If you have to write that, more than likely it will.

hopefulinCO · April 2011

kalajaye17:

again im sorry if this offended anyone, i honestly didnt mean it to..

and i dont blame anyone for posting questions, i would if i had one, just saying its unnerving to me. and to answer "a" no i havent been around long im 11 weeks along with my first.

I think she meant around thebump boards long enough to get a "feel" for how things work. Some people have been around since TTC or before.

ETA: Which is why lurking is highly encouraged in these parts....

Chanels26 · April 2011

As a woman who has read similar post and been freaked out I can understand this post. I have read many of these post and they scares me to death and made me think what if. But then I had a scare and u.undertood how these ladies felt. They just needed to talk about it to alleviate the stress, help cope with the loss, or get works of encouragement. Whether reading others post or experiencing it its a scary thing. It's the contemplation of losing your LO.

Haribo1 · April 2011

alison2379:
somebodysmama21:
alison2379:
You clearly have not been around very long to a) have this be new information and b) think it was a good idea to post this.
I dont think it was bad she posted it, she is just saying it scares her, that is a normal thing to say, she didnt say she hated people for posting about it. I think she has every right to say that it scares her. Plus maybe she hasnt been around long the reality is I have known at least 50 women in my adult life who have had successful pregnancies you really dont realize its that common. She is just stating a fact and she has that right.
Having a "right" to post something is hardly a good argument. Posts like this quickly make women who are already going through worrisome bleeding or other issues feel even WORSE about what is going on. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, but someone else's bleeding/worry/concern has nothing to do with you and does not raise or lower your chances. Stop clicking on those posts, or stop visiting The Bump if you're not interested in seeing them. I think commenting on how posts like these scare YOU is wildly insensitive.

I agree with you. Thanks for this.

If you don't want to read the posts since they are scary, don't open them! For someone who is having this happen to them right now, it is comforting to read supportive and comforting responses from women on this board.

Chanels26 · April 2011

Sorry for all the typos.

Junebug060609 · April 2011

No, the posts about m/c and bleeding don't scare me. Having had a m/c with my first pregnancy and spotting throughout this pregnancy...to me they are a part of my reality. Miscarriage is a risk that every one of us took when we got pregnant. It happens and it sucks. Reading about it doesn't mean it will happen to you though. If you have a hard time with such posts, take a break from TB or don't open them. Please believe me when I say that the ladies posting them aren't doing so to scare you. They are doing so because they are scared and need to know they aren't alone. Rather than using them as a catalyst to worry, give the poster your best wishes and use the post as a reminder to be thankful for the healthy baby you have growing inside of you.

ps. If you need to put "don't let this offend anyone" in your post, its probably a good clue that you should reconsider posting it. Just sayin'.

hopefulinCO · April 2011

Junebug060609:

No, the posts about m/c and bleeding don't scare me. Having had a m/c with my first pregnancy and spotting throughout this pregnancy...to me they are a part of my reality. Miscarriage is a risk that every one of us took when we got pregnant. It happens and it sucks. Reading about it doesn't mean it will happen to you though. If you have a hard time with such posts, take a break from TB or don't open them. Please believe me when I say that the ladies posting them aren't doing so to scare you. They are doing so because they are scared and need to know they aren't alone. Rather than using them as a catalyst to worry, give the poster your best wishes and use the post as a reminder to be thankful for the healthy baby you have growing inside of you.

ps. If you need to put "don't let this offend anyone" in your post, its probably a good clue that you should reconsider posting it. Just sayin'.

Well said!!

forensicmama · April 2011

She's a scared n00b... there's no reason to get after her.

OP, sometimes they do get to me. I feel for these women. I cannot imagine their pain. It's horrible. So yes, it does get to me. Sometimes I worry about missed m/c... who wouldn't? Even without the Bump, I would - and have - worried about such things. Maybe worry is a natural part of the process, which protects us from doing crazy stuff to hurt our LOs (like drinking or riding on roller coasters). Worry can be very protective in its own rite. Sometimes we let it run our lives, though, which can be unhealthy. That's when we need to take a step back and reevaluate what is worry and what is paranoia and discriminate between the two.

maryNamory · April 2011

The bump is good for offering a lot of information you would not have otherwise. For some, ignorance is bliss. I am not offended that you have posted this, but be aware that there are many women here after a loss.

Unfortunately your post kinda hits a nerve because a few weeks ago a bumpie left but not without saying it was because of m/c posts on here. The implication was that she thought m/c's were contagious.

You didn't do this, so this is good. Yes information is scary but that can apply to anything. What is not scary though is that god forbid you struggle with this, it means that there are women who can help you through it.

I would rather you post this, respectfully stating your concerns, than to just leave.

StephRuns · April 2011

Junebug060609:
No, the posts about m/c and bleeding don't scare me. Having had a m/c with my first pregnancy and spotting throughout this pregnancy...to me they are a part of my reality. Miscarriage is a risk that every one of us took when we got pregnant. It happens and it sucks. Reading about it doesn't mean it will happen to you though. If you have a hard time with such posts, take a break from TB or don't open them. Please believe me when I say that the ladies posting them aren't doing so to scare you. They are doing so because they are scared and need to know they aren't alone. Rather than using them as a catalyst to worry, give the poster your best wishes and use the post as a reminder to be thankful for the healthy baby you have growing inside of you.

ps. If you need to put "don't let this offend anyone" in your post, its probably a good clue that you should reconsider posting it. Just sayin'.

Yes

kalajaye17 · April 2011

forensicmama:

She's a scared n00b... there's no reason to get after her.

OP, sometimes they do get to me. I feel for these women. I cannot imagine their pain. It's horrible. So yes, it does get to me. Sometimes I worry about missed m/c... who wouldn't? Even without the Bump, I would - and have - worried about such things. Maybe worry is a natural part of the process, which protects us from doing crazy stuff to hurt our LOs (like drinking or riding on roller coasters). Worry can be very protective in its own rite. Sometimes we let it run our lives, though, which can be unhealthy. That's when we need to take a step back and reevaluate what is worry and what is paranoia and discriminate between the two.

thank you, what you said is probably put better than how i said it. I do feel for the women also. And i agree completely with what your saying.

to everyone else, yall are right it was insensitive, i didnt mean it like some people took it though. I feel awful for these women. I completely understand why they put those post, and i wasnt saying anything about them putting it up, i was just saying i didnt realize it happen all the time and it was something that i was thinking alot about. Im sorry

calliesmom6 · April 2011

i understand where you are coming from. when i first joined the bump i was a little alarmed by the frequency of worrisome posts. after much homework and googling of pregnancy statistics i learned that these things are more common then i thought and quickly realized that i am very grateful for the women who share these posts. while my heart goes out to them dearly, its good to talk about so you understand and know what to expect and know the signs if something were to go wrong. because truth be told if something were to start happening i wouldnt really know what to do but because so many women have opened up to share their experience i feel more confident it my ability to cope/mentally process if something bad were to happen. it's a great learning tool for the rest of us. not to mention the continuous support and advice available here.

FmrAFBrat · April 2011

hopefulinCO:
Junebug060609:

No, the posts about m/c and bleeding don't scare me. Having had a m/c with my first pregnancy and spotting throughout this pregnancy...to me they are a part of my reality. Miscarriage is a risk that every one of us took when we got pregnant. It happens and it sucks. Reading about it doesn't mean it will happen to you though. If you have a hard time with such posts, take a break from TB or don't open them. Please believe me when I say that the ladies posting them aren't doing so to scare you. They are doing so because they are scared and need to know they aren't alone. Rather than using them as a catalyst to worry, give the poster your best wishes and use the post as a reminder to be thankful for the healthy baby you have growing inside of you.

ps. If you need to put "don't let this offend anyone" in your post, its probably a good clue that you should reconsider posting it. Just sayin'.

Well said!!

Agreed!! I really wish people were nicer & more supportive of others.

Just a side note I didn't have any bleeding or spotting with my loss....just pain. People post those things because they are scared....NOT to scare you personally.

maryNamory · April 2011

out of curiosity, why would her going to 1st trimester be better? I am assuming she can get the same answers here, and this being controversial anyway, it seems like that would send her to get blasted more

hunnybunny614 · April 2011

maryNamory:
out of curiosity, why would her going to 1st trimester be better? I am assuming she can get the same answers here, and this being controversial anyway, it seems like that would send her to get blasted more

I have seen more of the I'm scared posts on first tri. Thought there might be more who feel the same on that board. But you are right, there probably are more people there to blast as well.

dlast09 · April 2011

I understand being scared and worried... But, no these posts don't go over well for obvious reasons. I agree with Allison, you are just going to make women who are experiencing the scary cramps and bleeding even more worried. You have to remember that every one is different, and just because someone is experiencing something doesn't mean you will 'catch it' by reading a post.

I read those posts and feel horrible, and honestly do put those women in my thoughts and prayers. If it scares you, still, DON'T OPEN THE POST. Its that simple.

kalajaye17 · April 2011

I never ever said i thought i would 'catch it' ..and i feel awful for these women, But just for your info i dont open most of them you cant get the most of it by the title.

Now i've said i was sorry for being inconsiderate and tried to explain that i never meant to offend anyone or make them feel worse about what there going through..i honestly didnt think it through when i posted it. that being said for the tenth time, i dont appreciate being insulted. I look up to most of these women and look to yall for advice on my first pregnancy (dont have a good support system from family) but they way yall are coming at me is so uncalled for when i have said mulitple times that they way it came across to yall is not what i was thinking at all

alison2379 · April 2011

kalajaye17:
I never ever said i thought i would 'catch it' ..and i feel awful for these women, But just for your info i dont open most of them you cant get the most of it by the title.

Now i've said i was sorry for being inconsiderate and tried to explain that i never meant to offend anyone or make them feel worse about what there going through..i honestly didnt think it through when i posted it. that being said for the tenth time, i dont appreciate being insulted. I look up to most of these women and look to yall for advice on my first pregnancy (dont have a good support system from family) but they way yall are coming at me is so uncalled for when i have said mulitple times that they way it came across to yall is not what i was thinking at all

This is spiraling into ridiculous. If you knew you were being inconsiderate, which you clearly did, since you apologized for it even before our reactions, then why post at all? Just let it go, and learn a lesson here: It's not all about you. You're not being insulted, but you are making me question your judgment.

AmorXAeterna · April 2011

Coming from someone who has has a miscarriage I don't give a fvck that your 'scared' losing your baby is a lot worst than the fear your having.

Miscarriage is a reality of pregnancy, deal with it. It can happen to anyone at any time not just in the first tri.

I'm seriously sick of posts like this, people who miscarry or have spotting or bleeding post because they need support not someone to post this crap saying 'oh I'm scared wahhhh!'.

Seriously grow up and yea I am being harsh because I'm sick of this crap.

Oh and could you please use some fvcking grammar? Thanks.

triple_sevens · April 2011

In my first pregnancy, I felt the same way that you did. I hated reading about spotting, miscarrying, etc. It was such a downer. I didn't want to think that those kinds of things could happen to people who seemed to be having healthy pregnancies. I didn't want to think they could happen to me.

And then I had a missed miscarriage, truly the worst experience of my life.

And now, other people's miscarriage posts don't scare me anymore. Because I'm scared whether or not I read what happens to other people. It happened to me, I can't forget it. But I'm learning to be hopeful even when I'm scared, which is a good lesson to learn whether or not you've had a loss. I'm afraid but I'm certainly not comatose. I'm doing okay. So if I can do it, so can you.

cnw112784 · April 2011

I guess im shocked people are getting so mad...when you see these terrible things people go through, it does make you nervous to see how frequently issues happen, if you have never had this experience before. My first pregnancy resulted in a MC and I dont take offence to this...it can scare people in some ways because so many times we are told, after 12 weeks you are good to go, and when some people realize for the first time that nope, the whole pregnancy is risky and in reality your never really out of the woods...I just dont think we need to yell at her for making this statement...I guess that I didnt see it as being selfish and not thinking of others, I just took it as her saying that, wow, things arent as smooth as I thought it was going to be...just my opinion...

itsmegin · April 2011

Junebug060609:

No, the posts about m/c and bleeding don't scare me. Having had a m/c with my first pregnancy and spotting throughout this pregnancy...to me they are a part of my reality. Miscarriage is a risk that every one of us took when we got pregnant. It happens and it sucks. Reading about it doesn't mean it will happen to you though. If you have a hard time with such posts, take a break from TB or don't open them. Please believe me when I say that the ladies posting them aren't doing so to scare you. They are doing so because they are scared and need to know they aren't alone. Rather than using them as a catalyst to worry, give the poster your best wishes and use the post as a reminder to be thankful for the healthy baby you have growing inside of you.

ps. If you need to put "don't let this offend anyone" in your post, its probably a good clue that you should reconsider posting it. Just sayin'.

Yes

itsmegin · April 2011

AmorXAeterna:

Coming from someone who has has a miscarriage I don't give a fvck that your 'scared' losing your baby is a lot worst than the fear your having.

Miscarriage is a reality of pregnancy, deal with it. It can happen to anyone at any time not just in the first tri.

I'm seriously sick of posts like this, people who miscarry or have spotting or bleeding post because they need support not someone to post this crap saying 'oh I'm scared wahhhh!'.

Seriously grow up and yea I am being harsh because I'm sick of this crap.

Oh and could you please use some fvcking grammar? Thanks.

I also give this a Yes

Miss Shasta · April 2011

This post doesn't necessary offend me, but it is rather silly. My first pregnancy I was totally care-free and uneducated, and it ended in m/c. Obviously, this time I am nervous and worried. It is a little juvenile to be like "omg, I never knew this things could happen until I stumbled upon this message board!" My advice would be to just not post anything like this anymore and if you are worried you might offend someone, you probably will.

ddeane05 · April 2011

kalajaye17:
forensicmama:

She's a scared n00b... there's no reason to get after her.

OP, sometimes they do get to me. I feel for these women. I cannot imagine their pain. It's horrible. So yes, it does get to me. Sometimes I worry about missed m/c... who wouldn't? Even without the Bump, I would - and have - worried about such things. Maybe worry is a natural part of the process, which protects us from doing crazy stuff to hurt our LOs (like drinking or riding on roller coasters). Worry can be very protective in its own rite. Sometimes we let it run our lives, though, which can be unhealthy. That's when we need to take a step back and reevaluate what is worry and what is paranoia and discriminate between the two.

thank you, what you said is probably put better than how i said it. I do feel for the women also. And i agree completely with what your saying.

to everyone else, yall are right it was insensitive, i didnt mean it like some people took it though. I feel awful for these women. I completely understand why they put those post, and i wasnt saying anything about them putting it up, i was just saying i didnt realize it happen all the time and it was something that i was thinking alot about. Im sorry

That's exactly how I read your first post. I agree with you. It is scary, and I definitely haven't heard about as many problems until coming on here.

SheLovesMrHip · April 2011

alison2379:
You clearly have not been around very long to a) have this be new information and b) think it was a good idea to post this.

WORD!!

maryNamory · April 2011

we are going to say things that piss each other off. she has a right to say it scares her, others have a right to post they are scared about spotting or they are having a m/c. why is one more legitimate than another. I don't get that.

SheLovesMrHip · April 2011

Driving scares me, flying scares me and the thought that anything can happen to anyone at any time scares me, but REALITY CHECK!!! These things happen and we post them here for comfort....when people are willing to give comfort back.

I had a MC, and I actually talk about it to educate others who have questions or could go thorugh a similar thing. Hell, it can still happen to me.

I agree with one of the PP when they said that if you have to post "this may offend someone" or however it was phrased then maybe its just not a proper post.

Pixiestx · April 2011

triple_sevens:

In my first pregnancy, I felt the same way that you did. I hated reading about spotting, miscarrying, etc. It was such a downer. I didn't want to think that those kinds of things could happen to people who seemed to be having healthy pregnancies. I didn't want to think they could happen to me.

And then I had a missed miscarriage, truly the worst experience of my life.

And now, other people's miscarriage posts don't scare me anymore. Because I'm scared whether or not I read what happens to other people. It happened to me, I can't forget it. But I'm learning to be hopeful even when I'm scared, which is a good lesson to learn whether or not you've had a loss. I'm afraid but I'm certainly not comatose. I'm doing okay. So if I can do it, so can you.

Yes

Maybe I'm not bothered by this because I hit a point where my anxiety level got bad enough that I had to stay away from PgAL because other people's worries were feeding my own and I had to learn to just focus on me.

NikkiBenzo · April 2011

kalajaye17:
again im sorry if this offended anyone, i honestly didnt mean it to..

and i dont blame anyone for posting questions, i would if i had one, just saying its unnerving to me. and to answer "a" no i havent been around long im 11 weeks along with my first.

Don't worry - I posted the same thing last week and everyone supported me... who knows maybe I worded it differently or maybe the ladies were in a different mood that day. But either way - I feel the same way you do. There is nothing wrong with what you said - and this is coming from someone who has had 2 losses.

Gypzi · April 2011

cnw112784:
I guess im shocked people are getting so mad...when you see these terrible things people go through, it does make you nervous to see how frequently issues happen, if you have never had this experience before. My first pregnancy resulted in a MC and I dont take offence to this...it can scare people in some ways because so many times we are told, after 12 weeks you are good to go, and when some people realize for the first time that nope, the whole pregnancy is risky and in reality your never really out of the woods...I just dont think we need to yell at her for making this statement...I guess that I didnt see it as being selfish and not thinking of others, I just took it as her saying that, wow, things arent as smooth as I thought it was going to be...just my opinion...

this Yes

alison2379 · April 2011

NikkiBenzo:
kalajaye17:
again im sorry if this offended anyone, i honestly didnt mean it to..

and i dont blame anyone for posting questions, i would if i had one, just saying its unnerving to me. and to answer "a" no i havent been around long im 11 weeks along with my first.
Don't worry - I posted the same thing last week and everyone supported me... who knows maybe I worded it differently or maybe the ladies were in a different mood that day. But either way - I feel the same way you do. There is nothing wrong with what you said - and this is coming from someone who has had 2 losses.

Actually, I remember your post, and clearly you didn't go back to read it because you got exactly the response this one did.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/50822625.aspx

TeamM · April 2011

I would say that it doesn't scare me as much anymore. It actually makes me want to cry, especially being on this board. I personally feel more connected to people here, than any other board. So when they lose their little angel, I know that they are similar to where I am. Which makes me so sad because I could not imagine anything happening at this point. (tearing up now)

BettyBookworm · April 2011

My heart breaks for any woman who is experiencing fear/uncertainty during pregnancy. Whether they are miscarrying currently or just worried that they might, the fear sounds horrible. I don't think anyone is posting with the intention to hurt me or affect me personally though. They are just expressing themselves during a time of heartache. If I choose to open an m/c related post I am aware that it will most likely profoundly affect me emotionally. I always want to do more for the person than I am able.

However, I think the concern (about m/c) is normal as long as you don't allow it to consume you. Miscarriage is part of the risk of pregnancy (one of many actually). I get it that other women posting that they are bleeding or have m/c could be frightening if you are of a nervous disposition.

When I read something like that I don't think about myself, though. I think about them and attempt to put myself in their shoes. My heart goes out to them, and when I see a post like that I really do say a prayer for healing for them. That is all any of us can do.

Posts about m/c are the reality, but I cannot allow that to work me into a state that is unhealthy. Being scared is a natural emotion, but just reading about an m/c won't cause one to happen to you. If it truly disturbs you that much then it is best to step away & take a breather for a bit.

stabil19 · April 2011

When we are not exposed to something everyday, we feel invinsible in a way. When I had my m/c, it was scary. I honestly didn't think it would every happen to me because I never thought about it once prior to my tragedy. I was shocked.

Obviously on a forum with many pregnant women, everyday we will experience hardship together. It can make us come to reality quick.

Make healthy choices and surround yourself with positive thoughts and people. If this forum brings anxiety to you, take a break from it. Be thankful you have had a healthy pregnancy so far!

Please don't apologize for your feelings or your post. This is what a forum is all about. I appreciate your honesty.

LovieBear · April 2011

My husband had to ban me from the bump a few weeks ago because I would get so worked up reading these posts. I am a bit of a hypocondriac so that does not help

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