How about the young-ins?

busterbeagle · April 2011

I saw that there was a post today about 35+ TTCAL-ers, but I know there are some young girls on here, too. Who else is tired of hearing "Oh, you're so young, you have plenty of time!" from those well-meaning people who always say the wrong thing?

I'll be 25 on the 13th. A lot of the people who knew about my pregnancy were very surprised that it was planned. Even my doctor assumed it was a surprise (although I kept my name when we got married, so the different last names confused the office a bit).

smalltowngirl99 · April 2011

25! and I hate hearing it..everyone is different. I would rather not wait until I'm 30 to have another baby, but it might work out like that.

xnbride · April 2011

I am 27, but I was 23 when I had my first miscarriage. When I first got my blood drawn and I called about the results they asked if I was excited that it was a positive. Kind of sad that they even had to ask. Of course I was.

It is common to be a young mom where I live, so I am not viewed as young, but in bigger cities I noticed that I get looks especially if I am alone with the boys or if we are traveling with my parents.

edited: LOL I am actually 28! I can't keep track anymore. I still feel like I am 16 and sometimes I feel like I am 106.

VikingQueen · April 2011

I'm 21.. everyone tells me that I'm too young but it's my life, I have been with DH since we were 14 and If we both feel we are ready then we are ready. We got a lot of crap for getting married at 19 too..

xnbride · April 2011

VikingQueen:
I'm 21.. everyone tells me that I'm too young but it's my life, I have been with DH since we were 14 and If we both feel we are ready then we are ready. We got a lot of crap for getting married at 19 too..

I was 20 when we got married. Not legally old enough to drink the champagne at my wedding LOL.

Honestly I don't think anyone is ever ready for parenthood whether they are 19 or 39 so I don't understand why people say that. I am so glad we started younger especially in light of all of our challenges and setbacks.

GL to you! FX you get a BFP soon.

livy91606 · April 2011

I'm 26. If anything...being young and struggling to get pg (over a year for DD#1) and having a miscarriage scares me because I'm not a FH even in my "prime" baby making years.

busterbeagle · April 2011

xnbride:
Honestly I don't think anyone is ever ready for parenthood whether they are 19 or 39 so I don't understand why people say that. I am so glad we started younger especially in light of all of our challenges and setbacks.

I agree totally! At first DH wanted to wait until we were more "ready," but he couldn't quantify what that meant. I'm so glad we decided not to wait because putting off something I want so bad, only to experience a loss, would have been completely unbearable. Not that it isn't hard now, but if I spent 5 years desperate to be a mother rather than just a little over a year like I have now, I think it would have been harder.

I realize it still could be 5 years later and no take-home baby, but we plan to adopt once we are 30 regardless of whether we do or don't have a biological child. I'm glad that we have been able to make these kinds of plans now.

VikingQueen · April 2011

xnbride:

VikingQueen:
I'm 21.. everyone tells me that I'm too young but it's my life, I have been with DH since we were 14 and If we both feel we are ready then we are ready. We got a lot of crap for getting married at 19 too..

I was 20 when we got married. Not legally old enough to drink the champagne at my wedding LOL.

Honestly I don't think anyone is ever ready for parenthood whether they are 19 or 39 so I don't understand why people say that. I am so glad we started younger especially in light of all of our challenges and setbacks.

GL to you! FX you get a BFP soon.

I tell this to DH all the time. I mean here we are 2.5 years after deciding we were ready and no where.. Atleast I found out that I will most likely need help to get pregnant at 20 then being older and finding out.

tiffany119 · April 2011

22 here! 23 later this month.. But DH and I have been married 3 years so its not like I'm just a kid out of mommy and daddy's house. I despise that phrase "you have time" uh no, nobody knows how much time they have. And besides, is that supposed to make me feel better?! Ick! cause it doesn't.

noah-bear · April 2011

I'm 21. Married my DH at 18. We got pregnant twice during the time we were engaged. The first was a c/p and the second was Noah. We've had two losses after Noah.

No one says I'm 'too young' or 'still have time' but they do say "it's good it happened early" or "there was something wrong with the baby"

1220winterbride · April 2011

HUgs to you Young Ones!

JennyJensing · April 2011

livy91606:
I'm 26. If anything...being young and struggling to get pg (over a year for DD#1) and having a miscarriage scares me because I'm not a FH even in my "prime" baby making years.

This! We m/ced trying for our first in Feb. I'm 25.

xnbride · April 2011

It is also one of the reasons why we start right away for the next baby. After DS1 we started when he was a few months old and they are 3.5 years apart, so yeah...that only took a few years. We did the same thing this time too. Started when DS2 was 4 months old and 3 losses later we are still working on it.

Honestly I would LOVE to have a big family but I if we are lucky enough to have another child, I have to close the book on this chapter in my life because it is very physically and emotionally draining. And we may close it before that too, I am not sure where my limit is but I still have some fight in me. I don't think I would be as patient if I were older though, but it is hard to say....

KJsbabe · April 2011

I'm 25, but I look younger. When DH and I went in for our first appointment the nurse asked if he was my boyfriend. Umm... We have the last name!

xnbride · April 2011

noah-bear:
I'm 21. Married my DH at 18. We got pregnant twice during the time we were engaged. The first was a c/p and the second was Noah. We've had two losses after Noah.
No one says I'm 'too young' or 'still have time' but they do say "it's good it happened early" or "there was something wrong with the baby"

Ugh, that is the one I can't stand! Also when people say "it was God's plan" That infuriates me to no end.

busterbeagle · April 2011

tiffany119:
22 here! 23 later this month.. But DH and I have been married 3 years so its not like I'm just a kid out of mommy and daddy's house. I despise that phrase "you have time" uh no, nobody knows how much time they have. And besides, is that supposed to make me feel better?! cause it doesn't.

Yes! I have been on my own since I turned 18, and so has DH. But a lot of my friends still do live with their parents, so I think at our age, there is a huge range of levels of self-sufficiency. My sister is only 2 years younger than me, but she has never moved out and even though she has a decent full-time job with benefits, she whines about having to pay for her own doctor's visits and meds. I have a bunch of friends who make more than I do but think they can't afford to rent an apartment. So maybe it is true that not all people in their early to mid 20s are ready to be parents, but plenty are.

And yes, "you have time" is one of the worst attempts at comfort. Maybe I have time, but you know what I used to have? A baby. Nothing, not even another baby, is going to make me stop missing the one I lost.

noah-bear · April 2011

xnbride:
noah-bear:
I'm 21. Married my DH at 18. We got pregnant twice during the time we were engaged. The first was a c/p and the second was Noah. We've had two losses after Noah.
No one says I'm 'too young' or 'still have time' but they do say "it's good it happened early" or "there was something wrong with the baby"
Ugh, that is the one I can't stand! Also when people say "it was God's plan" That infuriates me to no end.

It's been my mom and grandma to say it to me. I've also gotten "it's what was meant to be" but I ignore it.

baileyd1 · April 2011

I hate hearing that too! I'm 26 and that is a good age. If you wait too long, they tell you your eggs are old. I think it is a double edge sword. I guess everyone must have some kind comment!

1220winterbride · April 2011

xnbride:
noah-bear:

I'm 21. Married my DH at 18. We got pregnant twice during the time we were engaged. The first was a c/p and the second was Noah. We've had two losses after Noah.

No one says I'm 'too young' or 'still have time' but they do say "it's good it happened early" or "there was something wrong with the baby"

Ugh, that is the one I can't stand! Also when people say "it was God's plan" That infuriates me to no end.

butting in::

even my DH said, "you of all people should have faith that He has His reasons." b/c i am a christian I shouldn't question my pain and btw I'm not exactly on board with the Lord on this!!

Jamers615 · April 2011

I hate hearing that as well. I'm on the other end of the spectrum - about to turn 31 - and people still say it to me.

People never learn, keep your comments to yourself, you know??

GPickles · April 2011

I'm 27, and I feel like we have waited so long already. DH and I have been together for over 10 years and have been married 4.

tiffany119 · April 2011

I know that our loss was "God's plan" because it happened - nothing happens apart from His plan. Do I believe that He delighted in our pain? No. Do I believe He is sovereign and that He knows what He's doing? Yes. I truly believe one of the reasons for our loss is so that we might be able to help others through this type of grief someday. Do I like that I have to go through pain in order to help others? Nope. But I do know that it will make me more effective in helping that someone(s).

My mom actually said to me (the day we found out we were going to mc): "its just nature's way of taking care of it." Indifferent She's been through 2 mc's so I did NOT expect this from her. In a later conversation I told her how much that hurt, and she explained her thoughts a little more clearly. But I've had others say this to me too.

busterbeagle · April 2011

It's definitely a double-edged sword. No matter what, people think your reproductive life is their business. I don't think men have to deal with it so much. But women are always being judged on their parenting decisions.

Carolee · April 2011

I'm 29 (not as young as some of you) and I get the "you still have time" line all of the time. I hate it. I mean, come on! We've been trying for 20 cycles and we don't have a take home baby yet.

purplepolish · April 2011

I just turned 27, so I guess I feel in the middle. Been with DH for almost a decade so definitely ready for babies!

xnbride · April 2011

tiffany119:
I know that our loss was "God's plan" because it happened - nothing happens apart from His plan. Do I believe that He delighted in our pain? No. Do I believe He is sovereign and that He knows what He's doing? Yes. I truly believe one of the reasons for our loss is so that we might be able to help others through this type of grief someday. Do I like that I have to go through pain in order to help others? Nope. But I do know that it will make me more effective in helping that someone(s).

My mom actually said to me (the day we found out we were going to mc): "its just nature's way of taking care of it." She's been through 2 mc's so I did NOT expect this from her. In a later conversation I told her how much that hurt, and she explained her thoughts a little more clearly. But I've had others say this to me too.

sorry OP as we are hijacking your post

I personally don't think that it is part of God's plan. I don't think it is biblical.

It is biblical to say that God delights in children, and that he desires to gives us a quiverfull and because of our own mortal state children are a way to continue to ensure that there are believers still in the world otherwise there would be no need to procreate.

God does use challenges and trials for good and can create beauty out of horrible circumstances but he does not cause them. We live in a fallen world, full of sin, destruction, chaos, pain and death. The human experience is one racked with pain and suffering, but God can bring us glory and comfort through this journey and he can use it to mold us and refine us to become more like Him. We are not immune to tragedy, but as believers we can keep hope alive in knowing that God will redeem and restore us in our circumstances no matter how difficult they may be. I don't understand it all but I know that God's provision is and always will be enough.

psychmajormom · April 2011

I am 20 I will 21 in july!! yay!!

tiffany119 · April 2011

xnbride:
tiffany119:
I know that our loss was "God's plan" because it happened - nothing happens apart from His plan. Do I believe that He delighted in our pain? No. Do I believe He is sovereign and that He knows what He's doing? Yes. I truly believe one of the reasons for our loss is so that we might be able to help others through this type of grief someday. Do I like that I have to go through pain in order to help others? Nope. But I do know that it will make me more effective in helping that someone(s).

My mom actually said to me (the day we found out we were going to mc): "its just nature's way of taking care of it." She's been through 2 mc's so I did NOT expect this from her. In a later conversation I told her how much that hurt, and she explained her thoughts a little more clearly. But I've had others say this to me too.
sorry OP as we are hijacking your post
I personally don't think that it is part of God's plan. I don't think it is biblical.
It is biblical to say that God delights in children, and that he desires to gives us a quiverfull and because of our own mortal state children are a way to continue to ensure that there are believers still in the world otherwise there would be no need to procreate.
God does use challenges and trials for good and can create beauty out of horrible circumstances but he does not cause them. We live in a fallen world, full of sin, destruction, chaos, pain and death. The human experience is one racked with pain and suffering, but God can bring us glory and comfort through this journey and he can use it to mold us and refine us to become more like Him. We are not immune to tragedy, but as believers we can keep hope alive in knowing that God will redeem and restore us in our circumstances no matter how difficult they may be. I don't understand it all but I know that God's provision is and always will be enough.

This is why I put "God's plan" in quotations. I too agree with you that God does not cause tragedy. And absolutely God loves children. I guess it would have been better stated on my part to say, its His "plan" because He knew it would happen before it did. Sorry for the poorly articulated thought! I think we're on the same page though Wink

mandy6418 · April 2011

I'm 28. And I HATE hearing that!!

xnbride · April 2011

@Tiff (I didn't c/p cause it gets crazy long)-It is something I struggle with all the time. How can we (as believers) reconcile loss. I am actually doing alot of research on it and of course have personal experience with it. Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes the "whys" are never answered. And maybe if they were, would it ever be enough? I do feel content to be here, to provide comfort to others. The same comfort that God has shown me, and for that I do feel blessed and honored. You eluded to that in your post too. I wish I could give you a big hug. I feel blessed to "know" you. Thank you for your strength and encouragement.

jldubb0626 · April 2011

I'm 24, I'll be 25 in October. My plans in life were to be married and have 2 kids by 25. Well, all I managed was to get married, and if DH had his way, we still wouldn't be. So, while the world thinks I'm still young, I'm way behind on my personal life plans.

jilld23 · April 2011

I am 27 and am SO sick of hearing, you are young and you have time and blah blah blah. Seriously .... ridiculous!

emeraudecephiro · April 2011

I am 23 and got married at 20....very tired of hearing I have all the time in the world.

Flagirl73 · April 2011

I'm 26 and everyone says the same thing 'you have plenty of time...enjoy life.' blah! then i tell people but DH is 37 and he doesn't want to be a pop-pop when we have kids!! Gzzz you can't win, 20's are to young and when youre 30 its getting late. grr

linz85 · April 2011

I am also 25. I HATE the but you're so young comment!

xnbride · April 2011

Flagirl73:
I'm 26 and everyone says the same thing 'you have plenty of time...enjoy life.' blah! then i tell people but DH is 37 and he doesn't want to be a pop-pop when we have kids!! Gzzz you can't win, 20's are to young and when youre 30 its getting late. grr

You guys are so cute! Your comment is so true. It does seem like a lose/lose. There is no perfect time or perfect age.

I love your wedding picture btw. Did you get married in Hawaii?

tiffany119 · April 2011

xnbride:
@Tiff (I didn't c/p cause it gets crazy long)-It is something I struggle with all the time. How can we (as believers) reconcile loss. I am actually doing alot of research on it and of course have personal experience with it. Sometimes there are no answers. Sometimes the "whys" are never answered. And maybe if they were, would it ever be enough? I do feel content to be here, to provide comfort to others. The same comfort that God has shown me, and for that I do feel blessed and honored. You eluded to that in your post too. I wish I could give you a big hug. I feel blessed to "know" you. Thank you for your strength and encouragement.

I was having a really hard time with reconciling that too. In the very first few days after finding out about our loss, I actually said to DH "if anyone tries to use Romans 8:28 on me, I'm going to just scream!" because that is the "go to" verse for so many people when they don't know how else to comfort someone. Turns out, no one did. But I was SO encouraged listening to a counseling video with DH (for one of his classes, he's a counseling major), the counselor referenced this verse and said, 'but everyone always forgets about verse 29' (paraphrase). And its so true! I'd encourage you to read those verses, and note "to be conformed to the image of his Son"- its not about why this is happening to us, its not about how much it hurts, its about growing and changing to make ourselves more like Christ in the midst of all the hurt. Also, 1 Corinthians 10:13 helped me to put things into perspective. I also considered this thought: God willingly gave His Son to die for the sins of the world. He knows the pain of losing a child too! And that is comfort to me.

And no, I don't think all the answers would be enough for us even if we knew them. I think God wants us to rest in His grace.

There is a great book I'm working through, here's the link to it. https://www.amazon.com/Safe-Arms-God-Truth-Heaven/dp/0785263438 If you haven't read it yet, I'd encourage you to! Smile

I feel blessed to know you too! Its nice to have someone to discuss these types of things with! Big hugs!

poohbear033 · April 2011

I am 25 and our pregnancy was a surprise. I will be 26 by the time we plan on trying again. I feel like I have done everything right with my life and now I just want a baby. Why should I have to wait any longer? Because I am so young? I have friends with 4 children and they are younger than me. I have friends older than me that are not even dating. Why does it matter how old or young a person is? If you are ready I say go for it.

Flagirl73 · April 2011

xnbride:
Flagirl73:

I'm 26 and everyone says the same thing 'you have plenty of time...enjoy life.' blah! then i tell people but DH is 37 and he doesn't want to be a pop-pop when we have kids!! Gzzz you can't win, 20's are to young and when youre 30 its getting late. grr

You guys are so cute! Your comment is so true. It does seem like a lose/lose. There is no perfect time or perfect age.

I love your wedding picture btw. Did you get married in Hawaii?

Thanks! We got married on the beach..in Florida! I wish it was Hawaii! But it was a 'Luau' theme, with a big a pig and leis!

roxygirl1281 · April 2011

Carolee:
I'm 29 (not as young as some of you) and I get the "you still have time" line all of the time. I hate it. I mean, come on! We've been trying for 20 cycles and we don't have a take home baby yet.

This! I'm 29 as well....30 in December...and my mom still tells me I'm young! She had me when she was 22!!!

jessieLMK · April 2011

i am 26, i was 25 when i m/c'ed. my niece was born when my brother was 17, an i STILL get more comments than him! hubs is almost 29, and we are both ready for a baby. now. my husband has actually been ready almost since we got married, but he understood how important my training was and gave me a 2 year grace period. it was good, because we are finally in a financial position where we can support adding to our family.

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