Mom disappointed re: boy or girl

veronicafvr · March 2011

My mom went with me to my monthly appt yesterday and on the way there we talked about the gender u/s this Saturday. I have been vocal that I have been wanting a girl, but the last few days I have been more conscious to the fact that it is 50/50 and it really doesn't matter. I just have been picturing a girl this whole time, that's all.

I explained that and she said "You can admit that you will be disappointed if it is a boy." and I told her "In no way will I be disappointed, a son is just as much a blessing as a daughter." She tells me "Well I will be disappointed if it is a boy, and I know you will be too.". I wanted to slam on my brakes and go loco on her. Instead I took a moment, some deep breaths, and reiterated that I will NOT be disappointed in any way and I can't believe she would say that.

I am just so disgusted and don't even want her at the u/s on Saturday after a comment like that. Who the hell does she think she is?! It breaks my heart that if it is a boy, then my precious son has a strike against him in his grandmother's eyes just because she can't put him in little dresses. I'm sickened. I feel like I am surrounded by nasty disgusting people and opinions between some of my friends, coworkers, and now even my mother!

lily87 · March 2011

You just can't seem to catch a break in your relationships! I would be pissed too. I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. I know she is your mom, but does she realize how hurtful a thing like that is to say? Can you talk to her about it? Or would that not do anything?

Azrayla · March 2011

..I dont think your mother meant much by it really..

I wanted a girl so bad when I was pregnant with DD but all my family kept shoving down my throat was boy boy boy..I have four cousins on my moms side and they are all girls both my uncles passed away (One at 5, the other 19) there is myself, my mom and my aunt. My brother is the only boy. My oldest cousin had a girl then a boy..(is now having another girl)

My family wanted some testosterone in the family.. But I wanted my little girl. So we found out it was a girl and my mother called my grandmother instantly and told her. I think there was a little disappointment in her voice but I didnt care!

It didnt last..They didnt even talk about DD being a boy or "If she had been, should have been" etc..

Honestly I'm pretty sure my ILs would have been disappointed had she been a boy. My MIL had two boys and DH has told me he was "supposed to be a girl" so I know MIL is living through my daughter..

Cant please them all but a healthy baby is a healthy baby.. It will be loved, penis or vagina.

Pina · March 2011

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing such negativitity surrounding your pregnancy. Hang in there. People say things without thinking about the consequences and how hurtful they are being. I like to believe that your mom did not mean to hurt your feelings and maybe she was just trying to make you feel better if you do in fact feel disappointed about a boy. Try to talk to her about it and stay positive! There is so much to be happy about....

tblauvelt · March 2011

I can't imagine all the comments you've been getting from people and now your own mother? I have to hand it to you, you've been very patient with everyone. I would lay down the law and reiterate over and over to your mother how you feel about her and her comments. I hope that if it is a boy she will welcome him with open arms regardless of what she's saying now when he's born. I'm so sorry you have to deal with nasty people. I"ve learned to drown people out and take everything with a grain of salt. I hope your mom apologizes to you soon.

julygal · March 2011

My mom only has daughters, and she has always been vocal that there is something about having a daughter and that she wanted us all to have one. However, it in no way impacts her love of my son (granted I also have a daughter). My DH admitted to being a little disappointed upon first learning that our oldest was a girl, but he can in no way imagine not having a daughter, and I think he's hoping for another girl this go around. I think it is is OK for people to have gender disappointment in the beginning, it's a normal reaction, and that it rarely goes on to affect the relationship with the actual child. I think most people are aware that healthy is the ultimate goal.

veronicafvr · March 2011

lily87:
You just can't seem to catch a break in your relationships! I would be pissed too. I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. I know she is your mom, but does she realize how hurtful a thing like that is to say? Can you talk to her about it? Or would that not do anything?

It wouldn't do anything. If it is a boy and she acts AT ALL disappointed I am going to get all Jerry Springer on her though. I feel like people don't realize that their opinions are in direct reference to our child, it's not like they are talking about a new purse I just bought.

khonaker · March 2011

Aww I'm so sorry! That is so hurtful coming from family members.

veronicafvr · March 2011

I think you guys are right that she probably didn't intend for it to offend me, and that is the only thing keeping me from telling her not to come. Every day the things I hear that people are saying to you guys, plus the comments I get, I am just getting increasingly less patient with people's flapping jaws. It makes me only want to surround myself with other pregnant women lol cause then it will be a safe place for all of us.

ETA: The more I really read all of your comments I am soooo much more calmed down. You are right, while it wasn't the most tactful thing to say, once we do find out the gender and move forward nobody will really dwell on or think twice about what their "preference" may have been. They will all just be excited. And THANK GOD I won't have to hear anyone's predictions anymore. lol

tblauvelt · March 2011

veronicafvr:
I think you guys are right that she probably didn't intend for it to offend me, and that is the only thing keeping me from telling her not to come. Every day the things I hear that people are saying to you guys, plus the comments I get, I am just getting increasingly less patient with people's flapping jaws. It makes me only want to surround myself with other pregnant women lol cause then it will be a safe place for all of us.

I hear you on that!

kyashley1227 · March 2011

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Just stay true to yourself and hang in there!

mollybloom · March 2011

Your baby will be a blessing, pink or blue. Try not to let her get to you, it is just a dumb opinion that should never have been said. I can understand not wanting her there on Saturday, but talk to her before making the decision to leave her at home.

PurplePanda83 · March 2011

I'm sorry that she said that. My family is definately clear about their preferences but they always cushion it with "of course we'll be happy no matter what, we're just excited you're having a baby". If you don't want her at the u/s then I would tell her. We aren't having anyone at ours so we can announce it to everyone over dinner. ((HUGS)) sorry you're having such a hard time with people lately.