What does this mean? Vent

brookelynpaisley · March 2011

I feel frustrated. We're coming up on the 1 year mark of being off BCP/ TTC in about 2 weeks (and oh, fabulous timing, looks like CD1 will likely be my sister's wedding day). I've been exhausted lately and going to bed early. We're not having sex (not until CD14 this cycle, in fact). And really, If I'm honest with myself, we just put a good chunk of our savings into the new house, and I'd feel better if we rebuilt that up some before getting pregnant. We're not hard up, by any means, and we'd be fine, but I want the rest of my safety net back.

At the same time, I hate the thought of wasted cycles. But we're not having sex anyway, so it doesn't matter. Our sex life just plain sucks lately. I told DH last night that if we wanted to try this month, it's go time for the next few days. He made no effort to make anything happen. I know we have a lot on our plates and a lot going on with the house stuff (he's still working on little projects every night after work), but it still hurts. I'm just... sad. We haven't officially discussed taking a break, but I guess actions speak louder than words on this one.

I don't have a point. I'm just sad, frustrated, anxious. It's been almost a year. That keeps looming over me that we're almost to that marker. In two weeks, I'll put on the bridesmaid dress I waited until the last minute to order because I wanted to make sure it would fit if I was pregnant. I feel like I jinxed myself. I'm scared about what talking to my doctor in the next couple of months will mean.

I have no one IRL to talk to because no one I know well enough to be open with has ever had to try to get pregnant. The people I do reach out to tell me to relax, stop thinking about getting pregnant and get drunk and have sex. I have relaxed. I haven't talked to anyone about us TTC in probably 6 months. I'm barely charting anymore. I'm trying to take the care-free approach that maybe I should have started out with. The house really took my attention away from TTC and I've had a cycle of just having fun with my husband (when we do have sex). That didn't work either, and our timing turned out to be pretty decent. Emotionally I'm just... tired.

Thanks for listening, girls.

Amomtomanyluvs · March 2011

I am so sorry....I can't even imagine how stressful all this must be for you. I know how buying a house and trying to fix it up can takes its toll on people, been there done that. But all the rest just sucks. Can you try sitting down and talking to your husband and seeing how is feeling about everything, to get a better idea of how he is feeling toward TTC now?

Big hugs, I wish I had better advice for you. But all I can offer is a big interwebz hug.

blindvictory · March 2011

(((hugs))) I'm sorry! I hope things ease up soon so that you don't have quite so much on your plate. Stress sucks even when you're NOT ttc, but it would be rough to have so much going at once. T&Ps, girl.

Cholzmei · March 2011

It sounds very stressful! I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know you know that every couple goes through "dry spells" but I understand completely that you feel like you are wasting cycles. I hope it made you feel better just to let it out to understanding ears.

Plus, I completely understand the whole "it's probably for the best, BUT I still feel sad".... those "it's probably for the best"s are always a poor consolation prize.

I feel for you.

babiesbabiesbabies · March 2011

so sorry you are going through this.

I wish I had something awesome to say, but I really don't. My T&P are with you and DH.

faydre · March 2011

Zombie hugs Left Hug

I know how frustrating it can be, and i'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard to see that one year mark. It's hard to see others not struggling with pregnancy and to find that it's not so easy. It really does suck.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope things get better.

FutureMrsFezz · March 2011

Left Hug Zombie hug?

Sorry your are feeling blah. While we haven't been trying long I can understand the frustration and uncertainty. I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking about you. And that I hope everything gets better. Maybe once you guys settle down with house stuff you can focus again on TTC. But for now just try to get the loving back!

moosegal · March 2011

I felt the same way last month. It had been 1 year since coming off BCP and once I was pretty sure we were past ovulation, I was so not interested in sex. My husband seemed to be perfectly fine with that, too, though I know a lot of it was just him wanting me to de-stress for a bit.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of good advice...if I did, maybe I wouldn't be as stressed out either. Maybe it's not so bad to just take a break until you feel like getting back into it with charting and such. Last week I went ahead and set up an appointment with an RE to start testing next month. I don't know if I'll keep charting...not worrying about it last month was nice. But I do feel a bit like some weight is off my shoulders now that I have the RE appointment to look forward to.

Sorry I'm not of much help...I hope you get over this slump soon though!

psubride1012 · March 2011

:-( I am sorry, Brooke. Maybe you need to talk to yh - if he's anything like MH, he is probably leaving it up to you and is just more laid back about everything than we are. Or maybe he is wanting a break or has concerns and is afraid to bring it up. He is really the one that you CAN talk to...and I bet he will make you feel better. So talk to him! ((Hugs))

KayteandRob · March 2011

that all sounds so stressful and frustrating! i'm sorry that you are going through all of that. big hugs to you! i hope things calm down for you soon and you're able to re-focus on TTC with your DH!

punkymama · March 2011

Hitting the 1 year mark does suck and I think everything you are feeling is normal ((big hugs)). You all do have a lot going on right now with the new house and it can distract you for a while.

This process does take a toll on you emotionally, just know we are here for you when you need to vent. I hope you feel better soon!

Squishy622 · March 2011

Piling on to the giant group ((hug)). And in answer to the subject of your post, who knows? TTC is one giant question mark, and it sounds like your current situation fits with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, with everything going on, of course you're tired and feeling burnt out. Whatever you decide will be the right decision, even if you decide not to make any decisions at all for now. ((hugs)) again!

psychgirl33 · March 2011

((hugs)) BP! I'm sorry that you are feeling frustrated and maybe a little defeated. It does sound like you have a lot on your plate right now. I hate when anyone says to relax. When I hear that, I become the opposite of relaxed. Maybe a little time would allow you to focus on what does make you happy in your life and your marriage (and your sex life!) You certainly don't have to take an "official" break, just a "making a huge effort" break. Or whatever makes sense for you.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope that you feel better!

melissa721 · March 2011

I'm so sorry my love =( It sucks to think of how much time has been "wasted." I don't have any words of wisdom because I've been feeling pretty down myself for a while. So I'll just say, you're in my thoughts and I heart you

((hugs))

brookelynpaisley · March 2011

psubride1012:
:-( I am sorry, Brooke. Maybe you need to talk to yh - if he's anything like MH, he is probably leaving it up to you and is just more laid back about everything than we are. Or maybe he is wanting a break or has concerns and is afraid to bring it up. He is really the one that you CAN talk to...and I bet he will make you feel better. So talk to him! ((Hugs))

I know you're right. He's such a sweet man, and I'm sure that he just wants whatever I say I want. He's probably feeling like we need to rebuild the savings too, and he's just as tired and stressed with the house stuff. I don;t think either of us anticipated that such a great change for us would also bring some of this not-so-great stuff with it.

He's kinda more the typical "emotional" sexer in our relationship. I think guys get stereotyped as just wanting it all the time no matter what, and even to relieve stress. But I've learned that his libido dies as his stress level goes up, and I'm the one who wants it as a way to get away from stress.

Ricola · March 2011

I know how you feel, Brooke, and I am really sorry that you have hit this rough spot.

Hugs to you, vent any time you want, we are here.

honeygirl500 · March 2011

So sorry! Life is never simple or easy is it. I think we all have times like this. We are just about at a year also, it totally sucks, and I can't imagine having the extra stress of a new house etc. Hope things get better, hang in there!

Dman85 · March 2011

Aww BP I'm sorry about what is going on. Just know you can vent anytime to me if you'd like...that's what we are here for!

steff13914 · March 2011

((hugs)) I think the feelings you are having are completely normal. I have felt like taking a break many times, and it just never gets easier. Just make sure that if you take a break, it's what you truly want to do. You don't want to feel like it was completely wasted, so take advantage of that time to do something fun that you wouldn't otherwise be able to do.

I can also understand the testing stage being scary. But once you make that step, you will feel such a huge relief. I felt a lot better after we did our initial testing because I know what we are dealing with now, and we are working on it.

I hope you find some peace soon.

brookelynpaisley · March 2011

Squishy622:
Piling on to the giant group ((hug)). And in answer to the subject of your post, who knows? TTC is one giant question mark, and it sounds like your current situation fits with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, with everything going on, of course you're tired and feeling burnt out. Whatever you decide will be the right decision, even if you decide not to make any decisions at all for now. ((hugs)) again!

Thank you - maybe no official decision is what we need. TTC is this giant unknown for many of us here, and it's hard to have it not be that way for others. I told someone before that it's not like planning a wedding or an event. With those things, there's a finish line. With TTC, the finish line is a moving invisible target. It's exhausting to keep racing under those circumstances.

Thank you all for the hugs and kind words. I feel very fortunate to have you all to listen, understand, and lift me up. Love to you all, and I hope you all know how grateful I am and how very willing I am to be that shoulder for you all in your time of weakness.

mdiblasi10 · March 2011

((hugs)) I am sorry, hon. I completely understand the frustration. I could have written your post myself. Hang in there! If you ever want to chat, I will listen

TwoBoxers · March 2011

I'm more of a lurker but I read alot of your posts so I thought I would respond. I hope you don't mind.

I really sorry you are going through this and hope it happens soon for you.

SParkman80 · March 2011

{hugs} I'm sorry! That definitely sounds frustrating. I hope things get much better for you soon!

missycrissy3 · March 2011

Im so sorry you are going thru all of this. Its alot to deal with. ((the biggest hugs ever)) It is so hard sometimes and we go thru so much with all the roller coaster of emotions and sometimes it just gets to be to much.

We are all here for you if you need us to lean on!!

herbnhollie · March 2011

Sorry that you're feeling so discouraged and hurt. I just passed the 1 year mark last month and it was a really hard time for me. But try not to stress yourself out anymore than you already are. I don't have to tell you how hard this is because you've been going just as long as I have. Just know that we are all here for you when you need some cheering up or just to vent. ((Hugs))

Just take as long or as little time that you need to get started again with a clear and open mind. This was our 13 month-cycle and I took the relax and not stress about it method. It may or may not help but I do feel a lot better going into next cycle.

funcop · March 2011

:hugs: It is tough with that 1 year mark looming. I would talk with DH and see how he is feeling - he may feel responsible since he can't get you pregnant and may be putting a lot of pressure on himself.

Don't be scared about moving forward with meeting with a doc and possible testing. Sure it's a lot of info, but it's another step forward in the direction you want to be at.

Buying and making a home is a HUGE stressor, too. Sometimes it's hard for guys (and us) to focus all their energy on multiple things - house/ttc/marriage.

karaknr · March 2011

((hugs)) Im having a "day" too. I totally understand. We are at month 10 and Im starting to get anxious about it all. TTC sometimes feels like it takes so much out of us even when we arent thinking too hard about it. Still gotta try to time things right, wonder whether you can go on this trip or be in this wedding, or do this thing because you wouldnt if you were pregnant but you have to make that commitment NOW. Sex as a job and less because you just want to do it. You feel less desirable because YOU have to initiate or YH never will.

Im sorry girl, I know how stressful it all is. Maybe a break from TTC and going back to just not TTA will help? Maybe not get you KU but at least help you relax for a month?

GL with the house though, hopefully getting it all set up and remodeled will help you take your mind off the madness. I hope your day gets better soon. Be like me and take a "me" day. I have a date with the couch, my dog, a big blanket and some chick flicks that dont involve pregnant women:)

Feel better soon girl. Ill be praying for you.

blue+skies · March 2011

I am technically on a "bump break", but I still lurk when I'm feeling down, and I just felt I needed to reply to this....

You just wrote out every thought in my head lately. We are 5 weeks away from the 1 year mark. We've had sex once this cycle and I'm pretty sure it was after O. For the last few months, it seems the first time we try to have sex after AF and approaching O time, it ends as an utter fail and me in tears. We usually only have sex about 3 times a cycle/month now, it's just work and not fun. I flirt with DH, he doesn't flirt back, and I've actually asked him several times to try flirting and arrousing me, but nothing. We have our first IF appointment made for May, and I think I should cancel it as I feel like we haven't really even given TTC a good effort lately but he really wants to start the process. Sorry if this is TMI, but last week we tried to have sex and my vag was so dry and irritated that I just couldn't do it and I ended up having an emotional melt down. I went to the doctor convinced I had some kind of an infection and she told me it is from the stress of TTC and it's all in my head, which lead to another emotional melt down. And typically I'm not an emotional person, so now I really feel like a head case.

I don't know what to tell you, as I don't even know what to tell myself...and like you, everyone who knows we're TTC has never tried to get pregnant. But do know that you are not alone in feeling this way! Maybe it's not typical, but I don't feel that it's typical to have to try a year to get pregnant, so who's to say what is the normal way to react to these stresses and pressures. For me, it is somewhat of a relief to know I am not the only one having these feelings and emotions, and I hope my "coming out" helps you a little too. I truly hope you feel better about everything soon.

elandric · March 2011

Your feelings are completely understandable at this point and it doesn't help that you have the added stress of a new home. Maybe try asking YH about his feelings on the process, sometimes they just don't known how to voice their feelings and TTC can be such a rollercoaster. I know how you feel about having people to talk to who understand that it doesn't just happen spontaneously for everyone. It's nice that this board is a place full of people who get it. Im sorry you feel this way.

psubride1012 · March 2011

brookelynpaisley:
Squishy622:
Piling on to the giant group ((hug)). And in answer to the subject of your post, who knows? TTC is one giant question mark, and it sounds like your current situation fits with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, with everything going on, of course you're tired and feeling burnt out. Whatever you decide will be the right decision, even if you decide not to make any decisions at all for now. ((hugs)) again!

Thank you - maybe no official decision is what we need. TTC is this giant unknown for many of us here, and it's hard to have it not be that way for others. I told someone before that it's not like planning a wedding or an event. With those things, there's a finish line. With TTC, the finish line is a moving invisible target. It's exhausting to keep racing under those circumstances.

Thank you all for the hugs and kind words. I feel very fortunate to have you all to listen, understand, and lift me up. Love to you all, and I hope you all know how grateful I am and how very willing I am to be that shoulder for you all in your time of weakness.

what a perfect analogy...I have struggled for months to explain how I feel, and this is it exactly! I hope talking to h makes you feel better - and as much as I want a bfp for you, i love having you here because you always make me laugh! You are one of my favorite bumpies and I wish you all the best. Enjoy the new house and I hope you feel better soon!

brookelynpaisley · March 2011

TwoBoxers:

I'm more of a lurker but I read alot of your posts so I thought I would respond. I hope you don't mind.

I really sorry you are going through this and hope it happens soon for you.

I don't mind at all. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom to share your kind words

GPhiBGirl · March 2011

I'm sorry, big hugs to you Left Hug . I would definitly suggest you and DH talking about it, sometimes a break helps. We took one for the past month and a half and I have to admit it was really nice and we just hung out and relaxed and were ourselves again. And we had sex whenever we wanted to, not when a pee stick told us to. I don't know if it will work for you guys, but it really helped us as we were really stressing.

You're young enough where you have some time, so taking 1 or 2 months off won't hurt. And you can keep charting if you want or at least do OPK's to make sure things are staying on track.

I'm here if you need anything!

salt78 · March 2011

I just want to know (in case you didn't already) that I am here for you to vent whenever you need to! I pink puffy heart you so hard, friendy!

maybebride · March 2011

Brooke, I just wanted to offer some more words of support.

Coming up on the 12-month mark was my hardest by far. There are so many decisions to make and you just really thought it would never be you that had to go that far. It's a lot and it's okay to feel that way.

You don't have to make any official decisions to TTA. Just take it easy for a month or so, if that's what feels right. Don't get too anxious about timing it, just go with the flow. I've had to do that a few times for my own mental health. We've still managed to have decent timing those months even if it wasn't the most optimal.

And don't ever say you're jinxing yourself. I've been down that road. I torture myself with thinking I'm hurting myself by preparing for the worst or jinxing myself for expecting to be pregnant. I know you know as well as I do that it doesn't work that way.

Hang in there! And remember you've got lots of support here!

ccam · March 2011

I'm sorry that you're feeling sad. I'm not quite there, but super close, and I know how frustrating coming close to the year mark is. We're all here for you and wish you the best!!

MySweetBaboo · March 2011

punkymama:

Hitting the 1 year mark does suck and I think everything you are feeling is normal ((big hugs)). You all do have a lot going on right now with the new house and it can distract you for a while.

This process does take a toll on you emotionally, just know we are here for you when you need to vent. I hope you feel better soon!

This in its entirety! I'm so sorry Brooke! Big hugs.

Mattel · March 2011

We just hit the year mark. It sucks. We were considering not charting or using OPK's for a cycle or two just for a break and see what happens. Give yourself just that small chance to reconnect and get back to where sex is more fun. You don't have to totally take yourself out, but just be more casual about it. That's what we're going to try. And when we're refreshed and ready to go at it again, we'll talk about what our options are. (((((HUGS)))))

WifeofMrA · March 2011

We're a the 15month mark..it's beyond frustrating. We're planning for stuff this sumemr that I always thought...probably won't be doing that because we'll be PG. But, the last few months have taken a toll on our sex life. I feel like something must be wrong, its so obvious that it's timed sex and then the rest of the month was a big bust.

We just started testing with a SA and bloodwork this month...but I understand how you're feeling. I thought I'd feel renewed with a good attitude, let's get tested, see what's going on...but I just can't help but feel defeated on most days.

Keep your chin up!

bwe1100 · March 2011

I am so, so sorry. It can be comforting to know that ups and downs happen, both personally and in relationships, but those down times are such, well, downers. A new house must be incredibly draining, and I know money issues kill my mood (physically and otherwise), and TTC is its own special breed of frustrating. We're all here for you though, and will encourage and support you whatever you do. Big hugs and best wishes.

threemarie24 · March 2011

Oh honey!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I had something to say back to help you feel better. I think venting does help a ton, we are here for you!!

buckeyebride22 · March 2011

I don't know if I'm too late for you to see this, but I wanted to offer some (((Hugs)))) as well. TTC sucks. I'm sure going to the RE is a scary thing. But to me I want answers, so I would want to go. I agree with pp to lock yourself away with DH. I think we forget that they are going through all this emotional crap too. Hope your feeling better. And I know I havent been on here long, but if you ever need to vent PM me.

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