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Babies: 6 - 9 Months
RunningWife
member
Can I ask some advice re: BFF?
RunningWife
member
A little background: my BFF has one 22 month old daughter. She is a sweet girl but since the day she has been born, they have had nothing but hard times with her. She doesn't eat (literally...she's currently on a 6 day hunger strike and will only take juice). She was diagnosed with severe reflux at 4 months and since then, this kid will not eat. She has a super sensitive gag reflex, and she's still on purees and really,r eally soft solids (when she does eat). She has currently stopped growing (she's under 20lbs, and her head circumference and height have stopped increasing). They literally have had this kid to every specialist 100 times and no one can figure out what's wrong with her. They are at the point now where they are preparing to take their daughter into the hospital to be tube fed just to get some calories in her. Her developmental specialist is also concerned that she may be showing signs of being on the autism spectrum (which can't be diagnosed until she is older).
THEN...my friend has been dealing with leg pain and numbness for the past 4 months and found out she has a bulging disc in her back and is currently going through a series of cortisone injections.
OK, so she tells me last night that all of her mommy group friends are trying for their second kids (and 3 are KU right now), and she and her husband are going to start trying in June to get pregnant again! I couldn't believe it; with all the issues that are going on with their daughter and her OWN health issues, I just don't think they're ready for another baby. SHe admitted she's jealous of her friends. I understand that they want more kids, which is fine, but being envious of others isn't a good enough reason,a dn I really think they should wait until her health improves and they figure out what's going on with their LO.
However, I realize that I can't make another person's decision but I'm trying to figure out a way I could tell her that they really need to think about it without sounding like i'm judging...
Any suggestions?
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Re: Can I ask some advice re: BFF?
Unfortunately, there isn't really anything you can say that won't upset her.
I'm sure ltos of people think Alex and I are crazy for TTC with not knowing what is going on with Kate. But, we've ruled out a handful of major genetic issues and we are comfortable with moving forward with growing our family.
I agree the timing doesn't sound optimal but, again, I don't think you can really say anything.
Yeah, that's what I think as well, and is probably why I didn't say anything.
I just get concerned that if she does get pregnant and they are dealing with a toddler with major health issues and a mom who is pregnant despite a bad back then dealing with a newborn, that she will just not handle the pressure and demands well and I would hate for her to not enjoy the experience of having the second baby.
BUT...like I said, it's not my life and I guess all I can do ultimately is just support them in whatever decision they make.
I've learned that we're too old to be giving that kind of life advice. I have a friend who makes horrible boyfriend/husband choices over and over again. It's hard, but she's a big girl now and I can do is support her.
I doubt anything you say to your friend is going to change her mind. I'm sure she loves her little girl, but feels like she missed out on most of the awesome experiences that make being a parent worth while. This might be her attempt at getting to cash in on that.
It's not your business and there's no reason why they can't have another.
She has actually said this to me. She feels like she missed out on her entire mat leave (we get a year off in Canada) because she was toting her DD all over the damn place from doctor to doctor.
My heart does break for her, and having been there with her going through all of this, I know how rough a road they have travelled.
I just pray that if they do have another, this kid is the most amazing, easy baby on the face of the planet!
No, I understand that which is why I didn't say anything. I would never even suggest to them to NOT have another; I just wanted to more put the bug in her ear to maybe wait a bit until they sort out their first child's health issues, so she's not as stressed out. I would never suggest for someone to just NOT have another baby if they want a larger family.
My first has a genetic disorder...and has had some healthy problems over the years (although nothing serious, he's mostly asymptomatic of the scary stuff). We also knew that any other children we have will have a 1/4 chance of also having the same condition. If anyone told me "maybe I should wait until we know more" I would probably kick them in the vag. It's such a personal decision to have more children and no ones business but the parents/Dr's.
What if they don't sort out the issues with the first child? Should everyone who has a child with a medical condition stop at one?
A bulging disc doesn't seem like a condition that one would put one's life on hold for. I don't see why they can't start looking at growing their family.
Oh I fear if anyone tried waited for the right time to have a second LO they might not. I know I kind of feel like there is a limited time for me to have children as I would prefer to be done by 35 and maybe she has thoughts like that too.
My sister is a therapist and she gave me advice once to never offer unsolicited feedback. So if a friend comes to me with problems and asks for advice that's one thing, but that I shouldn't offer my ideas unless she is seeking feedback.
They really need to think about their decision?
I doubt they'd be trying for another without thinking about it. We want 2 children, and if DD had health problems it wouldn't change that. Sure it may be tough to handle, but if they didn't think they were prepared then they wouldn't do it. Not your place to say anything.