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February 2011 Moms
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Poor DH- Need Advice.

Mrs. Sarah&MicahMrs. Sarah&Micah
in February 2011 Moms
Recently DH has said to me that DD doesn't like him and that everytime he hold her she screams/cries and when she looks at him she cries harder. It breaks my heart to hear this. I am with DD all day while he's at work and overnights I am the one feeding and taking care of her. In the evening DH tries to hold her, cuddle and get her to fall asleep with him but she ends up crying. I believe that DH is getting stressed out/anxious/worried about her crying and she may be picking up on his feelings. Plus before DD was born he had never been around babies (newborns).
How do we get him to relax and bond with her?
Any advice/suggestions?
Anyone else's significant others have the same issues?
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Re: Poor DH- Need Advice.

  • mittensonkittensmittensonkittens member
    My DH said that with both kids, and my dad said the same thing when I was a baby. Give it time, it's easier for dad to make baby happy when they are interested in more than eating and sleeping. You can give him opportunities to practice and compliment him when he does something well. Leave him alone with baby so he has to figure out things on his own instead of just handing off to you.
    Formerly known as ms.mittens Jude 12/31/2008 Ezra 2/10/2011 Nora 7/23/2013 Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Firedancer1013Firedancer1013

    I could have written this post.  DH had such a hard time over the weekend because he thinks DS doesn't like him and that he only will calm down for me.  It doesn't help that DH also gets really anxious when DS cries, while I remain calm, and when DH gives DS to me, he stops crying, thus furthering DH's frustration and feelings that DS doesn't care for being with him.  I tried to explain that DS is with me all the time and just really used to how I operate, especially since DH is a bit less gentle than I am- not in a bad way, but he just is more jerky and less fluid in his motions even when picking DS up or playing with him, while I try to be very cognizant of the fact that DS has reflux and move him very slowly and carefully so I don't end up with a face full of spit up (his or mine!).  DH has not ever been around babies for lengthy periods of time minus our niece, and every time DS cries, DH says, 'See?  Why is he always doing this?  Babies shouldn't cry this much, do we need to take him to the doctor?  They say they have colic if the baby cries for more than three hours a day, do we need to get a medication for colic?' (Our pedi had told me after DS was having a few crazy days- I think he had a growth spurt, that if it lasted more than a week, to come back for a prescription to try to calm the colic- but DS has gotten WAY better since those few days).  I try to explain to DH that DS is crying because he has a need that isn't met at that time, whatever it is if he is hungry or full diaper or gassy or just wants to be held or just wants to be put down, that we have to do everything we can to figure out what that need is, and 90% of the time that once we find that need, he calms down.  And, in that other 10% of the time, you just have to be patient, realize the crying won't last forever, and keep changing what you are doing if it doesn't work.  DH will just sit with him on the couch and when DS doesn't cooperate and want to sit with dad while he watches tv, DH won't change what he is doing.  I have tried to tactfully and kindly tell him that if DS is crying, most times just getting up and walking around with him will help, but DH only wants to move him to a different position while he is seated or give him a pacifier, which a lot of the time doesn't help at all.  I really want DH to feel confident with DS, especially since in about two weeks I will start picking up hours for my PRN job on the weekends, and DH will be with DS for 4-8 hour days while I am gone..... 

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  • RileyGraceRileyGrace member

    First, it's SO common for babies to be fussy in the evening.  It could just be their fussy time of day, it could be gas, whatever.  I would explain that to DH, that it has nothing to do with him, it's just how it is.  I'd try to get him to take LO for most of the weekend, when he's at home.  It will be tiring and uncomfortable if he's not used to babies, but I think it might help.  He can see the different moods throughout the day, hopefully get more comfortable with LO by spending so much time and gain some confidence by doing it himself.  I would have a convo with him to make sure he knows the plan and that you will help him take care but you won't take over.  I think once they get past their initial hesitations and worries things get so much easier.  My DH took care of LO the whole time we were in the hospital, he was a pro by the time we came home two days later.  I think one full weekend of baby immersion will really help him and once he's more comfortable the bonding will begin.

    Good luck!

    dx PCOS on Metformin
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