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Single Parents
New here with some questions...
My SO and I were never married and we have a 2 month old baby. I moved out when I was 6 months pregnant. We were trying to work on our relationship, but it just became very clear that it was a lost cause. So it's now official that we're no longer a couple and the subject of visitation is on the table. I, in no way, want to keep our LO from seeing him and having a relationship with him. He is not a bad guy, but he can be a little unrealistic at times. I have done 99.999% of all the baby related things; buying the things we need, looking into and setting up health insurance, finding pediatrician, caring for baby, breast feeding... So now he wants to be able to take LO for the day on Sundays. I'm not totally comfortable with this yet. I feel like when LO's a little older it'll be fine, but at 2 months... something just doesn't feel right. I do pump, and he knows I have a stash... even if it isn't a huge stash. And I'm going back to work in a month. I don't know... I feel like I'd be happy to spend Sundays as a "family" so he can get his time with her. But I feel like the baby is too young to have "visitation" time away from me. Has anyone on here be in a similar situation? Should I go talk to a lawyer about this? And if I do will I just be screwing myself?
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Re: New here with some questions...
All of what r9 said. It probably won't be the same, but I separated from XH when I was still pg. He got visitation, three times a week (although it was supervised because he's an addict, different story). I find it hard to believe that they would have you be away from LO all day long when you are still EBF.
Side note: the idea of spending time together as a "family" on Sundays is not a good one. That's dangerous territory if you have decided not to be together. Don't go there.
I just had my mom e-mail a friend of hers who is a judge and ask for a couple names of lawyers she recommends. I hate for it to come to this, but I guess I know I have to and just needed to hear it from someone who's been there. Thanks for your input.
My DS is 2 months old and Im EBF too and we've established that EXH can only take him for a few hours at a time. I feed DS before he goes, and I send one 4 ounce bottle. Once that's gone it's time for DS to come home. I plan on nursing for a year, and probably wont be comfortable with all days/over nights until AT LEAST 18 mos.
It's always better safe than sorry to have a custody/CS agreement in place.
Do you think he would be able to get visitation, unsupervised, with her at such a young age? I don't want it to get ugly but I just have this pit in my stomach when I think about it... and my fear isn't totally unfounded. I guess I'm still not used to the idea. It was so hard coming to decision to move out and now that I'm actually living it it's just hard (obviously).
And I guess just to clarify, I only said family time because we'd all be together. It's definitely over and there's no chance of my changing my mind. It was more just so I could be there. The hardest thing I'm having to come to terms with is sharing her and feeling like I'm missing out on time with her. I know it's how it has to be, it's just hard... as I'm sure you all know. Ugg.
Sounds like we have similar situations. When you went for the custody hearing (is that how it works?) were they sympathetic to the fact that you were breast feeding or was your ex okay with the visitation you proposed?
I didnt go to a custody hearing. We have a written agreement that we are getting noterized. Luckily my ex is very sympathetic to the fact that Im breastfeeding. I dont know how the law courts work where you are, but the fact of a woman nursing weighs very heavily on the decision of custody arrangements. Its very unlikely he'll get anything more than a few hours a week for such a young age.
I didnt go to a custody hearing. We have a written agreement that we are getting noterized. Luckily my ex is very sympathetic to the fact that Im breastfeeding. I dont know how the law courts work where you are, but the fact of a woman nursing weighs very heavily on the decision of custody arrangements. Its very unlikely he'll get anything more than a few hours a week for such a young age.
Supervised visitation can be hard to get and you have to prove that the supervision is needed. My XH has supervised visits but that was after a OOP was put in place and upheld when XH tried to have it quashed for me and DD. Then at his supervised visits he acted in ways and said things that caused the supervisors to fear for my safety and DD's safety, so all of his visits remain supervised at this point. Do you have good reason to believe the visits should be supervised? Has he hurt your LO, is he an addict, is he a danger, etc.? Supervised visits are not granted just because you handle the majority of the childcare at this time. If there is more to it then that is a different issue, but based on what you've posted I would expect he would get unsupervised visitation on a regular basis.
Okay Jesirae.. I'm going to give you a chance.. who/what pray tell recommends this?