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Adoption
Nursery before a match?
Did you prepare a nursery, buy furniture etc while waiting to be matched or after you were matched. Our agency has a decent amount of "drop ins" where you don't have very much notice so it would be nice to have things like a crib etc. just in case. I was just curious what most people do.
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Re: Nursery before a match?
We don't have the baby's room completed at all. We did purchase a PNP (w/removable bassinet) and are close to deciding on a car seat. We decided that we wouldn't want to walk pass that room every day and see it set up but have no baby to go along with it...similar to pp. Also, I felt like if we had everything ready that would be 'jinxing' it.
I remember this coming up when we were doing our homestudy, and I was thinking we should wait. A few people on this board, and a friend of a friend, got quick matches and encouraged having at least something ready. The friend of a friend said her son ended up living out of boxes for 3 months, they were so caught off guard.
We decided middle ground was good, so we started a small stash of cloth diapers and GN clothes, and bought our Big 4--crib, car seat, Pack n Play, and stroller.
DD ended up being an emergency placement--she was already born when her BM made an adoption plan. So when we got the call, we had about 36 hours to meet DD and her BM, sign paperwork, finish up loose ends at work, and squeeze in buying anything else we needed. We didn't have a crib mattress the night DD came home, so DH ran out to WalMart and bought a ton of stuff.
Given that a lot of furniture needs to be ordered, I don't think it would hurt to start getting things in preparation. But it's different for everyone. Some people hate having nursery gear around and still be waiting. Do what works for you.
We are starting work on ours, we recently ordered furniture, mainly because the set we wanted was being closed out/discontinued.
I tend to like to plan....we're getting crib, changing table, dresser, PnP, & car seat/stroller ready. Another reason we started working on it is we had to convert our guest room (and get rid of a lot of furniture) and are also doing a lot of home updates/improvements right now so decided to just go for it. I know it's very individual decision-- we feel okay about it. Do whatever feels right for you!
Definitely, and I'm so glad that I did, because it still took me till he was 2 months old to complete it!
Before match we had: dresser for the changing table and glider.* He slept in an heirloom cradle in our room for the first 8 weeks or so, so we were able to wait on the crib. Though I did have to go to BRU and get a cradle mattress the night we were matched!
*We also had things like: cloth diapers, car seat, stroller, clothes.
We have just bought the basics right now. Like: Car Seat, PNP,Within Arms reach Co-Sleeper, GN clothes, diaper bag, diapers and wipes. We have also prchased the bedding set.
We have yet to pick out the furniture yet. And I'm ok with that for now. If we do have a emergency placement we plan on using the Arms Reach the first few weeks.
I am very much a planner and wanted to have the nursery at least some what started in the event of a quick match and placement. So we purchased the crib, dresser, and some bedding and my husband had put up new crown molding, chari rail, and baseboards. We did paint and plan for gender neutral as we hope to use this nursery for future children.
Once we did get matched, we were able to personalize it more for her. I am soooo glad we started it as we are so busy with other things, I'm afraid it wouldn't have gotten it done all the way.
This can be completely what you are comfortable with. I didn't want to do anything because of our years of IF and a failed adoption. I wasn't in the mood to see anything baby related. Believe me, if you get a "drop in" match, you can be ready. We got the call on Monday around 1:00 PM and Ben had been born on Sunday morning. We had 4 hours to get some things we needed (diapers, onesies, wash cloths, pacis, bottle warmer, socks, baby wash, bottle brush) and even a $40,000 cashier's check from the bank. We went to Walmart on the way out of town and asked them for some extra plastic bags for the diapers. We got to TX at 5:00 AM and met Ben at 1:00 so basically we had 24 hours. Thankfully, there was a Walmart just down the road and we bought a few things over the 10 days we had to stay. When we got back we went to Babies R Us and registered and bought a pack n play, car seat, stroller, etc. I had to buy 2 of just about everything (my mom lives across the street) and they loved our amazing story that they gave us the twin discount. We had him in our room in a pack n play. We didn't get the nursery done until he was about 6 weeks old.
I hope you have a short wait but you'll be ok with whatever you decide.
We have pretty much everything we need to get started. We have the room set up with the crib and changing table. We still have final touches to make it girly or more boyish. We have several neutral outfits, a few diapers, bottles, etc. We also have a stroller and car seat. There are still lots of things I'm sure that we will need, but want to wait and see if we will get those things at a shower after we get out baby. We went ahead and got the crib and stuff set up right before our home study so that the SW could check out that we had a good space for a baby.
You do things the way you want. We just want to be as ready as we can because you never know when we will get our forever child. We just don't want to be scrambling at the last minute. GL!
I used to be afraid that having a nursery would mean jinxing a placement.
But thanks to the wise council of these ladies - I'm taking a new approach....build it and they will come.
I know there's still the possibility of long waits and failed matches. So I am gathering things knowing what could be. But also believing that even if there is difficulty, there will still be a baby in our home one day.
And I want to be able to look back on all of it and say that I was excited and planned for this child. Just like a pregnant mom would do.
I won't go overboard - but I'm not going to avoid getting ready either.
Lots of luck to you as you plan and wait!
We are still waiting for a match. We've started on our nursery. We bought all the furniture, bedding set, and and some decor stuff. But everything isn't set up and we definately don't have everything we need. We just started buying stuff here and there after our homestudy was complete. We also have been given alot of stuff from family. We've already had a shower and we told everyone we wanted baby stuff for this past Christmas instead of gifts for ourselves. I feel better about buying stuff before the match because then I feel like it's not bought for a specific baby, I'm totally paranoid of a failed match. But I'm not stressing about trying to buy everything before a match. I figure we'll just buy stuff when we want to or havea little extra money.
ETA: I will add that sometimes it is hard for me to look at the nursery, which is why nothing has been done for a few months. The wait's been hard lately and it really hurts to see the empty crib. Sometimes I go in there and just cry. But fortunately, I can just keep the door closed and easily not look at it. Sometimes, when I'm feeling good about the whole thing I like looking at the nursery and planning where I want to hang stuff and things I want to get. (So there's an insight to my crazy emotions!!)
I took advise from the wisdom of Dr. L.
I started off purchasing the Big 5. Then I lucked into a gn wardrobe from a friend and have been building my cloth diapering stash. From there I decided on a gener neutral theme (only because my friends with nb babies don't have time to decorate a nursery so I figured I would get it out of the way while I have time). Now, I am just kinda waiitng for everything to fall into place. And I can relax because I know the essentials are taken care of. I can welcome a baby into my home right now if necessary and be compeletley prepaired.
We didn't do a nursery before either of our placements, not so much because I was worried about "jinxing" anything, but because I thought seeing the room finished and still empty would make me sad. That being said, I did have their rooms meticulously planned with everything I wanted to buy and where I wanted it hung so I was ready in that regard. While I am not unhappy with the choice we made to wait and do the nursery after the babies were home with us, if we ever adopt again, I think I'll do the room before. It really is hard to find the time to do the nursery after you're already caring for a newborn - even with all the planning done. My new little guy didn't get his room totally done for several months. Not that he cared, but I did! I'd say if you think having the project of doing the nursery will make you feel better and not sad, go for it! You'll probably be grateful that you don't have to take even one second away from your sweet baby when they come to hang up pictures and pick out bedding. Good luck!
We started working on our nursery when we went active. We wanted to have it ready if we had a short wait or an emergency placement. We had the furniture, and the main painting on the walls done, and we would work on it a little at a time. We felt it kept us busy and kept our hopes up that a baby would be there soon. Seeing the nursery did not bring us negative feelings, but rather the opposite. We also did not want the nursery items to be connected to a particular baby, in case of a failed match.
When we got the call that we had been selected, we did the finishing touches and all was complete! I personally would not have done it any differently.
Obviously it is a personal preference. Do what makes you and YH comfortable. Good luck!
we are open to older children, so we are going to slowly start our "second bedroom" with a single twin bed, a dresser, etc., and let it grow from there. We picked out an IKEA crib, so if we do get an infant we can send a friend to run and pick it up for us in a pinch.
I don't mind letting what happens happens when a placement comes for the most part, but I have a superstition about making room for someone in our home will bring them sooner.
I should also mention that in October we let my brother and his GF move in, they started in out second room (which has a queen futon and huge office desk), and eventually converted an unfinished basement room for them. Now we are moving Mr.JJ's desk and stuff to the basement because my brother is gone.
It's pushing us to start using the space more, and like I said above, create an open space for someone new.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
I want to see!
Well here ya go then!
https://theseprices.net/2011/01/a-room-of-his-own-harrys-nursery/
Gorgeous!
We have our nursery done too! Honestly, my type-A personality couldn't do it on the fly and it gives us hope of having a completed space. We made it neutral and we love it! We have all the basics, but once we have a baby, we'll have a welcome party and if people want to purchase things, they can. Otherwise, we have purchased most everything ourselves.
IMO, if you want to start your nursery, i say go for it and have fun!