- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Eiskonigin
member
An Annoying (and EXTREMELY Creepy) Friend Rant...
Eiskonigin
member
So, a male friend from back in high school still attmepts talks to me, he was around when hubby and I found out I was pregnant the first time and such, so he thinks he is all close to me for some reason.
With my first pregnancy, my parents were the first ones that were able to point out the fact I was pregnant. I had started getting morning sickness right along with a food poisioning event after a night of sushi with my DH and a couple other friends, so I probably wouldn't have guessed for a while otherwise. Well, shortly after confirming that I was indeed preggers, I announced it to the people that were closest to me, and immediately, that annoying friend claims that he 'told me so!' Wth are you talking about? You never 'told me so', you said it was food poisoning too because you were tossing up chunks too this entire time.
He claimed my DS as his 'nephew' and says to me that my kids are the closest thing to having his own kids that he will ever have. This creeps me out big time, and I normally told him so, just because that is WAAAAY over the line, and he just blows it off like I'm joking.
With this baby, he would constantly message me on FB and tell me I was having his baby girl (even before DH and I knew we were having a girl). YOUR baby girl?! YOURS?! Oh I don't EVEN think so! I, of course, showed hubby and let him deal with it after that. Well, hubby has cooled down, and this friend has started sending me messages again, asking me about the baby girl that will soon be with us, and has started referring to her has his neice, just like he still referrs to my son as his nephew. It bothers me, a great deal, and I tell DH about it, but DH has basically given up. I haven't been replying to the messages, have even gone as far as to block him on FB (and have changed our number so he can't get a hold of us there), but he keeps making new accounts and messaging me.
I'm getting to a point where I'm about to call the looney bin on the guy and be done with it. He is in the military, so I know I COULD go to his chain of command for it...but that seems a bit ridiculous to me. Maybe if I did though, they would give him another psych screening and decide he needs a bit of help...
Idk, what would you all do?
Side note: I say 'friend' because I have no clue what else to call him...stalker??? Lmao.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: An Annoying (and EXTREMELY Creepy) Friend Rant...
Honestly, I probably wouldn't have let it get that far. He is obviously a little looney, but it seems like you let him be a friend for far too long if you were that uncomfortable.
I think the best thing you and your DH can do now is write him a short but sweet email stating that you are both uncomfortable and wish to be left alone. If he keeps up then, I would go to his chain of command because at that point it sounds like it has gone way to far.
Twins born too early at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix
FET #1, IUI #1, 2, 3, 4 - all BFN
IVF #3 BFP!!! IT'S A BOY! Born July 16th, 2011
FET #2 BFP! Due February 15, 2013
I just want to add, this guy sounds completely unstable, and I am actually afraid for you, since he has persisted in attempting to contact you through any and all means of communication after you've made it clear (albeit passively) that you don't want to communicate with him.
So I think you need to be blatantly clear with him that he needs to stop all contact with you. Be direct and leave it in no uncertain terms, using as few words as possible, and do NOT threaten him or any consequence of him communicating with you any further - that could just set him off and God forbid he would attempt to make physical contact with you.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
Chain of command wont really look into it. You would have to get a restraining order and have an officer serve it to him. Then chain of command would look into it a little closer after the restraining order is put in.
But this guy is definately someone that needs to be kept away from your children. He has some serious problems and needs help.
This exactly. As a military wife, I know that not just anybody can walk into a military command and talk to the CO about somebody in his command. Furthermore, how would you plan on getting base access unless you're a military dependent yourself? I would send a letter or email stating in no uncertain terms that you and your family wish to be left alone. Then document everything that you can and file for a restraining order if the behavior continues. Then, if things persist, file for a restraining order or talk to a lawyer about harassment charges. Other than that, there isn't much else you can do.
Well...considering my DH (I really hate the terms military and Army wife, just one of my quriks, so you will never see me refer to my self as one) and him went through the same recruiter and everything (though this guy went with reserves rather than active), it probably wouldn't be hard to get a hold of his chain of cammand. Because he is reserves, when they don't have him over seas, he is back home with that particular recruiter, and DH keeps in good contact with him just because they hit it off so well.
Honestly, I know it would be extremely easy for me to get him in troublw, and I also am well aware that you DON'T have to be his family to contact the chain of command. Considering he is in Kuwait, getting a restraining order on him and having it served is rather difficult. My real worries are when he gets back to the states. Now, DH and I aren't planning on being in NNY for much longer, and are hoping to be back in Missouri with our families before this baby comes along, but unfortunately, he lives right in the same town as my parents.
I'm horrible with confrontation, but I HAVE told him to back off, I HAVE pointed out that he makes me feel uncomfortable, etc. etc. I was hoping that after a few months of not hearing anything from me, he would just give up and go away. It's been probably a good month now in itself, and he still sneds a message each day, so I'm going to give it a little more time, and then probably WILL have DH contact his chain of command.
Thanks for the help, and definately thank you for letting me rant. It seems graduating didn't get me any farthur from the drama, and now and then I just like to let it out (since I don't often do that in front of them, lol).
He's in kuwait? he sounds like he's lonely and looking for a family type connection at home. i don't think this is loony at all, but i do think he's not getting the message.
A simple "look X, We know you care about our family, but we reserve the title of aunt and uncle to blood relatives. Thank you ofr your warm wishes, Y and Z"
Well, knowing that he is in Kuwait really changes my perspective. Your post made it sound like he lives nearby and is always trying to be up in your business - and that made it seem more stalkerish. If, at the moment, it is just an electronic annoyance (emails, FB updates, etc.) then just block him and make your settings to "friends only." Send him an email that you really would like him to stop messaging you constantly and calling your children nephew and niece and then see what happens. I agree with pp that he may just be homesick and looking for some type, any type of connection to the States (as a military wife - sorry you don't like the term - living overseas with my family, I get how easy it is to miss home in a very real sense) and you're providing that right now. He may not be crazy and creepy at all. He may just really think you and your family are close friends and is a needy person in general. Some people really are more needy than others and if he's homesick, that probably exacerbates the situation. Either way, he doesn't get the passive message that you want to be left alone. So you're simply going to have to come right out and say it. Then you can take it from there, deciding the next step if he continues to pester you.
Don't contact his chain of command at this point in time. I'm sorry he is annoying you, but if he's in Kuwait, his CoC has better things to do and deal with than this drama because, like a pp mentioned, you really have no proof that he's mentally unstable and you're not in any immediate physical danger from him if he is on the other side of the globe.
ETA: And you're right. You don't have to be family to contact somebody's CoC. But contacting somebody's CoC is a serious thing. And where would you begin? It is really looked down on to just go straight to the top. Do you know this man's Chief or immediate supervisor? Since they're in Kuwait, how do you plan on contacting them? And besides being annoyed, you have no proof that this man is a danger to you, yourself or anybody else. Just being a needy and clingy person and generally lacking in social skills (which is what this guy sounds like more than anything else to me) does not constitute a good reason to have your CoC contacted for the purposes of discipline. And while you may have the ability to contact the CoC, it does not mean that the CoC is going to put any stock in what you say. If this man is truly a problem, your best course of action is through civilian channels. Believe me, going through civilian channels is just as effective because his CoC will hear of it and can deal with it on the military side as well. Just wanting to "get him in serious trouble" because you can and because he's a nuisance to you is not the right thing to do in this situation.
DD1, Kathleen 9/15/2007
Keep in mind, he JUST got to Kuwait. He's been doing this since LONG before he got there.
And obviously you didn't read my full first post. I didn't say I WANTED to contact his chain of command, that I thought it was a bit ridiculous to do so...I'm not the type of person to just want to get someone in trouble, hence why I have been dealing with this guy for YEARS on my own. He used to be a good friend, but after DH ad I were married, he started getting pushy, grabby, and just plain creepy. After a certain amount of time, one just kinda wants it all to stop...
HE IS ON ANOTHER CONTINENT.
Jesus, dude. i'm sure his bosshas more pressing matters than you being irritated by messages from one of his/her thousands of staff members.
get over it.
I take everything seriously. I guess that I watch too much CSI, etc. I would definately go to the police and make a report, just so they have a record. Report everything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and when you get settled in your new home/location, get a home alarm.
This is definately a matter to be dealt with. It obviously makes you feel uncomfortable, and I don't blame you, I would be creeped out too. You never know where this will go, and no ones life is replacable.
Best wishes.
You are kidding, right?
I wouldn't contact his chain of command yet. You could seriously damage his military career by doing that and I don't think you have been clear enough with him to ruin his future. It sounds like you have been fairly passive in how you are trying to communicate that you want to be left alone, so be blunt. Spell it out that you do not want to receive any more phone calls, emails, FB messages, letters or any other type of communication. Tell him in no uncertain terms you want to be left alone. I would send this communication by email and certified mail (yes to Kuwait) so that you can be sure he got it.
*IF* after you have done your due diligence (which right now I would say you haven't) to get him to leave you alone then I would go through civilian channels to get a restraining order. His chain of command will be notified as part of the restraining order. Also unless you have been documenting this harrassment, logging phone calls, keeping the FB messages and any letters he has been sending you, you are going to have a hard time getting anyone on your side. It will be your burden to prove harassment, not the other way around. Someone bugging you or being socially inept does not qualify as harassment.
I get that you are bothered by this man and you want him to go away, but sometimes people just need things spelled out for them. Take the appropriate steps to deal with him and document now while he is Kuwait so that if this continues when he comes back in August you have the evidence you need to take it to the next level.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
OP, I did read your entire post. Yes, you said that you think contacting his CoC might be ridiculous but then you followed that immediately with a thoughtful "but maybe it would get him a psych screening and some help." So that led me to believe (and from the other replies, I don't think I'm the only one) that you were still considering it as an option. When I and another poster said it wasn't a good idea and that the CoC wouldn't listen to you, you proceeded to tell us how your husband is friends with the same recruiter, etc. etc. (though I'm sure his CoC could care less about that connection - a lot of people in the military got there through the same recruiter) and how you could easily get him into big trouble - that makes you sound pretty serious and that you've thought the idea of contacting his CoC through pretty thoroughly. But again, the man is on another continent. We're all aware soldiers eventually come home again (didn't I mention that I'm living overseas because my husband is stationed here? I think I'm pretty aware that we don't all live overseas forever).
I think you've been given some good advice. Tell him bluntly and in no uncertain terms that you want to be left alone. Up the security settings on your FB profile. And document things. Then, if his behavior persists, you can decide whether or not to go through civilian, not military, authorities. If the advice you've been given doesn't please you, I'm sorry. But I stand by the fact that I think it is quality advice.
Of course I have thought about it as an option. I've thought about all my options. I'm certian you would to put in my situation. Honestly though, if I were that set on doing it, I would have gone to them years ago. My security settings on FB are bumped up quite a bit (and I will go ahead and change it to where he can't message me fromt here anymore). I HAVE told him in no fewer words that he was making me very uncomfortable and that I wish he would leave me and my family alone. I'm not going to go nuts on the guy and call him all sorts of names to get him off my back, that's not how I am.
Really, I hate the thought of getting police or military officials involved at all, but if you knew all of the things he has done to me personally, you would understand why it is I am so afraid and creeped out by him. The military is really all he has, and he has attempted suicide several times throughout the years I have known him, and I certainly don't want to be the cause of him doing something so tragic.
I'm making it as clear as I can now...I don't LIKE what he is doing, don't like what he HAS done, but I just can't bring myself to do anything to him that would cause him harm...that even includes getting a restraining order. Really, what I needed was a moment to vent. I can't talk to my parents about it because they are both sick and I don't need them worrying about me. I can't talk to any friends about it, because they all just say the same things "I'll kick his a** for you," and DH, well, I would just be telling him the same things over and over and over again if I kept bringing it up with him. So, perfect strangers was just fine for me at the moment. I just needed a minute to let out a bit of frustration and unease. I did ask what others would do, because honestly, I'm running low on ideas on how to handle him besides getting in contact with an authority that is trained to deal with him...I do thank those for the help who offered it. I do understand the concern some of you have for his well being. I do understand that I am probably overreacting...but really, I can't tell you everything he HAS done (because frankly, some of it is just not appropriate to share), so no one can really judge that fairly yet.
And I do wonder why it matters that he is on another continet? Why is it that is even relevant? He will be returning, and his behavior isn't something that just started when he got over there...so...I'm not sure why that should even matter at all...
Okay, well you didn't make much of this very clear in your OP (you mentioned telling him to stop, but then you said you hoped he would stop after being ignored for a while - so which were we to believe? You were being straightforward or passive?) or your replies. So I think that is why you got a lot of the advice you did. I spoke to my DH about it (who is an officer in the military) and he said it isn't appropriate for you to contact his chain of command about it. However, if you are interested in going through military channels, your husband can contact his own chain of command and ask for info on resources and help on how to deal with the situation in the best way possible. Also, I get you wanting to be nice to him because he has attempted suicide, but you've got kids involved. If he really has done things to you and your family that are so bad you cannot even mention them on here, then it is time to stop playing nice and start protecting your family - your children have to come first. And remember, you are not responsible for this man's reaction. However, you are responsible for protecting your family. The biggest issue I see is whether or not you've documented any of this guys inappropriate behavior; without proof of an actual problem, the authorities won't be able to do anything even if they believe you personally. Their hands will be tied legally.
I said it matters that he's on another continent because that makes the nuisance solely electronic and easily avoidable without getting authorities involved. Yes, he'll be back. But for now, it definitely makes the situation a lot less worse than if he were actually living near you at this point in time. Furthermore, if you haven't documented what's gone on in the past, you will have to start with what's going on right now. And I'm pretty sure authorities would react the same way - he's not here right now, we can't do anything until he's Stateside anyway and you can't show proof that he's doing more than just bothering you with emails. Does that make sense? And without any other info besides what you've given in your OP, can't you see how you'd get the advice we've given? You asked for our opinions, but like you said we're strangers and only know as much about your life as you tell us (and really, you shouldn't be too forthcoming on the internet, so I'm not saying you should tell us more). If you want solid counsel from somebody who knows the entire situation, you are simply going to have to discuss this with your husband and others in your life.