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November 2011 Moms
waiting4Baby00
member
A little bummed...
waiting4Baby00
member
I never really introduced myself on this board becaus I am not sure I am the typical "bumpie". We were not TTC when we found out we were expecting, and my boyfriend and I arent married. It has been hard to admit because I feel like other people will think poorly of me for this.
I had a prior marriage about 8 years ago that ended in large part due to IF struggles that we had. After three years of unprotected sex and several months of IF treatment, my ex-DH decided he no longer wanted kids (if it was going to take that much work) and it was not something we were able to overcome. In any event, it explains why I was a bit relaxed on the birth control with my current boyfriend.
Anyways, current boyfriend and I have ben together about a year and a half. We have a pretty good relationship although we live in different states due to work. The plan was for me to move to CA for us to get a house together this spring. He was previously married and has two kids whom I love and adore but the ex-wife has made it difficult for me to have a consistent relationship with them. The ex is also best friends with my boyfriends parents and so I have never met his family and they have always been critical towards me. The mother wanted her son and ex-wife to get back together....so much so she takes the ex-wife's side over her own son.
Now that they have been told about the baby the ex wife has refused to let me see the kids at all, my boyfriend's mother has practically disowned him (actually said to him "where did I go wrong in raising you"), and the whole family is being completely critical of me.
An unplanned pregnancy was a challenge for our relationship in and of itself. The fact that we aren't married has made me feel like I am not entiteld to celebrate the news even though this baby is truly a miracle since I was told I would never conceive one naturally. And now the family issue has me depressed even more.
I am having trouble staying positive.
Thanks for letting me vent.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A little bummed...
Oh sweetie! I hope your boyfriend's family comes around. I imagine once they realize that there is an actual baby coming not just an "unplanned pregnancy" and the thought of a new half brother/sister and grandchild becomes a reality, they'll be as happy as you are! In the meantime, take care of yourself, enjoy the little miracle happening inside you and try to stay positive! **hugs!**
well, i can relate to you on many levels here. i divorced my ex-h nearly two years ago. we never ttc but i had two miscarriages. my current boyfriend (baby daddy) and his ex-w split a few months after i left my ex-h. (we didn't know each other at that point) he and his ex were ttc but weren't having any luck. they went and got tested, and before receiving the results, split up (won't go into all that). after she moved out, he called and got the results that he had low motility and it was nearly impossible for him to get someone pg through "conventional means". we've been together for about a year and a half too. in may, we decided to stop using bc, since it was essentially useless. we discussed the possibility of me getting pg and decided to leave it up to god and fate. my last period was over christmas. in mid-february, i bought some tests and he even told me, "i think it's a waste of money but it's your choice." BFP. we were planning on getting engaged in the next few months anyway and neither of us could be happier about the baby. so our stories aren't so different. i don't have the in-law issues you have, and i truly feel for you.
just wanted to let you know you're not the only unmarried, knocked-up chick out there. it doesn't seem like it at times (i feel it too) but we're all over the place! ::: hugs :::
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I've never been in your situation and to be honest, I've always been prudish regarding unmarried women bringing children into the world. But, children are a blessing and you and your boyfriend are entitled to be happy about this pregnancy. The in-laws issue is a dilemma; they're not wrong for wanting him and his ex to get back together (heck they can want whatever they want) but the reality is that they're relationship didn't work out and your boyfriend chose to be with you and now you're starting your own family. It will take a while for them to grow up and accept that reality.
Never, ever let them disrespect you, your child or your boyfriend - whether they like you or not, demand to always be treated with respect and treat them with respect, for the sake of your future child - that's the very least everyone can do. Also, your in-laws will likely soften and come around once your little one gets here, so know that they'll have to eat crow at some point to get in your good graces so that they can spend time with the new grandkid on the block.
But, your focus should be on your health and the health of your baby during this pregnancy, so try not to let the in-laws' and ex-wife's issues ruin your pregnancy bliss. Just stay centered and focused on a stress-free pregnancy.
Good luck to you!
Make a pregnancy ticker
Although no, I would not say that you are the traditional "bumpie" I think that this community could help you find the happiness and support you are looking for. Sometimes families are odd at best, and completely rude and out of place at worst.
My DH and I were doing the "whatever happens-happens" method and got pregnant the first 2 weeks off BC. It's not how I would have "planned" but its exciting none the less. However, my family is having trouble coming to grips with the reality of the situation. My father even accused my DH of "taking advantage" aka raping me, because he sees this baby as a mistake. Although it hurts to hear, I don't allow their emotions to take over my happiness and excitement that come November I will be a mom.
I can not even imagine what it must be like to have this miracle baby in you and feel like you can't celebrate. But you should celebrate! This is a happy time for you and hopefully your boyfriend, regardless of what sh*tty family thinks.
All women are welcome here, regardless of the circumstances of their pregnancies or their marital status. You absolutely have the right to celebrate your pregnancy, though I can understand how that's difficult in light of how your boyfriend's family is treating you.
I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say Congrats and Welcome to the November board!