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Adoption
anangelbug
member
Any experiences with a BF saying he wants the baby
anangelbug
member
in Adoption
So, I don't want to get into too much detail here but there are several potential BF's named so of course they have to sign off on all of them, well now with the baby due anytime one says he wants the baby. Needless to say I had a meltdown today but several people, including our consultant, has said that 95% of the time a BF will say that initially but nothing will come of it or they wont follow through etc. But we wont know anything for at least 30 days which is quite some time after the baby is born. DH has already made it clear he wants to bring the baby home and not place in craddle care but of course that comes with risk and potential heart break. This is really hard. Of course we have the chance to "win" since he has not shown any support to the BM etc but it's a scary fight emotionally and finacially. Anyone have any similar experiences? I don't want to be this sad and down but this process is mentally exhausting at times. The unknown and what if's. (may DD later)
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Re: Any experiences with a BF saying he wants the baby
you've got PM
It's also my understanding that a lot of these guys hear the word adoption and think they can get money if they say they want the baby.
Our BF wanted to parent DD2 and he was served with the paperwork about two months before her birth. He had thirty days to return the paperwork and submit a parenting plan after he was served. In the end he did not return the paperwork and said he was financially ably to parent. It was a very long and mentally exhausting time (I agree with you). If he truly wanted to parent and was willing to do everything, I was okay and understood his desire to parent.. Even though I know I would have been very very sad.
Best wishes to you. I hope you find out very soon.
Our situation was a birth father saying he wanted to parent and then deciding not to parent. Then, in the end deciding to parent after we'd cared for the baby for about 3 weeks. In reality, it seemed like we should've been able to be chosen to care of this child since the situation she was going home to wasn't great. However, our attorney was very upfront with us and said that most likely we would throw thousands and thousands of dollars at the situation and in the end, he would walk away with the baby. After going through everything we went through, there is no way I would bring a baby home if the birth father was there from the beginning and wanting to take the baby home from the hospital. However, it took days for us to get the paternity test back proving that he was the father, so since you have more potential birth fathers that might make a difference.
Having brought a baby home and then giving her back, I would strongly suggest other care arrangements until you know if the birth father is willing to TPR. That's completely speaking from the devastation of having to give the child back.
I will hope for you that your path is made clear.
Probably better for FB but what state will the baby be born in? Do you fully understand the laws. I'll check FB later to see if you post over there... but either way, I'd get to know the laws very well so you have some sort of peace of mind.
A close friend had this happen. It was very scary and difficult for them as the BF did not come forward until after ICPC - they were back home in their state before he came forward and wanted to parent. They ended up being part of the 95%. The process extended to court - the BF hired an attorney and they went to court. The birth father did not show up to the hearings. In the end his lawyer expressed that he just wanted to be heard. He just wanted the same courtesy extended to him and be able to receive letters/pictures about his son.
I always feel mixed about this if it were to happen to us. I never want to deny a BF the RIGHT to parent his own child (same as with the expectant/birth mother). I think for us, in a case where a child is not born - I would step back and allow for the biological parents to make their decisions. It's easy to say this when we are not IN the thick of the situation but that's my general feeling.
How long does it take for paternity test results? That would be a tough wait. My heart goes out to you - this is definitely not an easy situation.