Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
nikinikinine
member
Re: ab muscles still separated
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
Actually crunches are the worst possible thing youcould do. It will make the separation even worse. You want to stick to planks and exercises like that. Nothing in a crunch motion...it just increases the separation.
It can take a year to go away, if it does at all.
I know, I know.
what's the saying? nine months in, nine months out?
This new body is just taking some getting used to. I was a total gym rat before getting KU, I feel smooshy all the time. Not loving it. At all.
My belly is smooshy, my boobs are too big. I just feel grody. I love my babies, and they are worth the hot mess I've become, but I don't feel confident in myself in the least.
I think I'm having extra issues with body image right now because we're at the point where I'm able to resume things in the bedroom and the *last* thing I want to be right now is naked.
Niki, I hope this doesn't come off bad, because I don't mean it to. But you have posted so many times over the past 9 weeks (and even a bunch when pregnant) about what you think your body should look like post-twins, and none of it is very realistic. You had twins 2 months ago! That's nothing! You really have to take it slow, and try not to be so obsessed with how your body should look, especially this early on. You're doing all you can - and more - and you just have to let things go a little.
I understand the lack of confidence. I used to have an eating disorder many years ago and fight every day to put that out of my mind and accept who I am now. But having the girls is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I will likely never look like I did before all this IVF/baby stuff. And that's OK. It just isn't all-consuming anymore now that I have the girls, thankfully.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
Ditto Kim.
I totally get the body image thing. Trust me, I get it. But still I would really urge you to give yourself a big break here. You just had twins. You *just* had *twins*. I have also heard the saying "nine months in, nine months out"...but I think that saying refers to singleton pregnancies. :-/ It's going to take a while. Frankly, it will probably never be exactly the same.
PMing you...
I could not agree more. I too had an eating disorder and am very self conscience. I was a size 4 before I get pregnant- I gained about 30lbs or so while pregnant. Now, a YEAR later, I am a size 4 again. With hanging, stretchmarked skin and can almost fit a fist between my ab muscles. We carried two babies at one time- picture perfect body be damned...
Give yourself a break- what do you have to prove?
eek, sorry. I didn't realize I was posting about it that much.
I have no idea what's realistic and what isn't - never been pregnant (obvs) and I don't know anyone IRL that has twins. I know many, many people with singletons and by the time they were where I am their bodies were back to normal. Instead I feel kind of stretched out and deflated.
It's not that I am consumed by it because most days I'm home alone with the babies in sweats. It doesn't really matter. But I have my ten year anniversary with the hubs coming up and I tried on some of my old clothes to try and find something to wear and I obviously don't fit.
My kids, too, are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. But that has nothing to do with wanting to feel pretty again. I'm embarrassed/sad that I can't find a nice dress in my closet to wear out to dinner with my husband and with two 9 week old babies I don't have the time or ability to shop.
I feel awkward in my new skin and it has nothing to do with my love, thankfulness or appreciation for the twins at all. Is my lack of self confidence stupid and superficial. Sure. But it's how I feel.
I mostly lurk here, but I agree with PPs. I actually find the tone of your posts about your body pretty worrysome, and I think if you continue to feel this way you might want to find someone to talk to.
Also, how many women who are two months post partum do you see naked? I think it is REALLY unlikely many (or even a small percentage) of women are back to their prepartum selves two months out.
Sorry ladies, again, I didn't realize I was overposting on Multiples about the changes I'm seeing. It probably seems like I'm more upset about it than I am only because I don't have anywhere else to ask questions like this. I figured most people on the board could relate to the changes and would have advice about what to expect after having the babies.
Honestly, instead it seems like the general consensus is that anyone unhappy with the way they look post-babies has an eating disorder or some other issue that needs attention. I don't have either, I just wasn't prepared for how different I would look after having babies - whether I had one or three. The adjustment takes some getting used to.
I didn't mean to appear obsessive, I was honestly just hoping to get a better sense of what I should expect from people who have been there. Clearly, I was wrong to post about body related questions ad nauseam. I'll stick to baby-specific stuff from now on. Promise
Hey, go treat yourself to a new dress that fits now. You deserve it!
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
Just wanted to follow up with a little support. While my guys are 10 months old I definitely don't have the stomach I had before pregnancy and I am thinking I never will. I just started reading up on the whole muscle separation thing the pp is correct in that crunches are not good for muscle separation. If you google excercises for your transverse abdominals - you'll come up with a few exercises that would work for you. And since you are an expereinced gym person - you probably already know some.
Also since you're only 9 weeks out just want you to know that your body will still change a lot. Just before I went back to work at 13 weeks pp I went out and purchased a bunch of pants in a new size because my stomach was still large and I figured that was just my new size. Well low and behold over the next 3 months I ended up losing 2 more sizes and am now back in my pp clothes. Heck I am back in things I haven't worn since 2007. There is little time to eat with twins and not going out to eat and not really eating a large dinner or having seconds has really helped with slimming down a bit. All I am saying is that your body will still change. That said my stomach is still pretty soft and I find little time to exercise although I'm trying though. I've resigned to the fact that it will likely be somewhat soft always due to some separation. So two things I think - one your body will still change but two it will likely never be exactly the same as it was. Good luck to you!
Ditto PK...go buy yourself a new dress! It doesn't matter what size for now, but get something that will make you feel good!
Listen, I don't know much about ab separation etc...but honestly, I felt disgusted by my body after having the twins and I only delivered a day shy of 34 wks. I gained about 30 pounds doing fertility treatments....pumping my body with hormones made me bloated from my stomach, to my butt, to my thighs. It took a few months for me to lose most of the pregnancy weight I had gained then I hit a plateau( I still needed to lose the other 30 pounds) I also hated that all my best singleton friends looked like they never even had a baby as they all hung out at our pool last summer as I was now in a one piece. Now, I was very happy and blessed and just got over it b/c I now had my miracles who I love so much! About a little over a month before their 1st bday, I joined Weight Watchers. I've lost 32 pounds and I finally feel great! I am just now fitting into a lot of my old jeans and dresses. Some still don't fit right and I am okay with that b/c I know my body will never be exactly the same. I will say now that my stomach finally looks flatter, now I still have stretch marks but I can wear a 2 piece as long as it covers them!
I guess my point after all my rambling is that you need to give yourself time. Your precious babies are just over 2 months old! And if you have to go buy some bigger clothes for now, hey, its ok! I bought a few things to get me buy and now they are put away at the top of my closet in case we ever get pregnant again!
**Shameless Lurker Alert***
Have you ever visited the website theshapeofamother.com (NSFW)? Most people do not bounce back to the way they were pre-pregnancy (despite what your friends may look like) and many women's bodies never look the same even if they do go back to their previous size (this is the case for me). Just par for the course.
This website will give you a good idea of what is "normal". You can click on the twins or multiples tag and it will bring you to real life stories and pictures of women who have had a multiple pregnancy. I hope this helps put things in perspective for you.
***Back to hiding***
ETA: fix link....sorry I had the wrong one before. Grrr...looks like it doesn't work as a clicky but you can C&P the addy into a new window and it will work
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
I wish I had the motivation that you do to actually get to the gym and *try* to get this body back in shape...but I just don't. I was a size 2 pre-preg, and while I can fit back into everything, I don't like the way it look sand feels...like slightly too tight, with this belly that just can't go away.
My stomach is just a mush-fest. The stretch marks are NOT going anywhere and the whoel area is just not going back to normal without some kind of tummy tuck situation...which I think I may be doing at some point. I'm not ready to throw away my bikinis, and I want to be able to feel ok being naked in front of my husband (who is very encouraging and says he doesn't care, but I DO!).
So I totally hear what you're saying, and I think you're more than justified to be frustrated with your body!
Yes--I ditto the go buy yourself a new dress (and some new pants, shirts, etc.) that fit correctly. It feels 'odd' to be in a body that doesn't feel like your own. I've always been a size 0/2--very petite. I will never fit in some of my clothes again. Between hip bones and rib cages widening, there is just no way.
I think the girls are just worried about you and want to make sure you have proper expectations. You aren't overposting. :-)
Have you tried spanx? I've been wearing the high waisted undies and hose. Not only does it make me feel more secure under my clothes, I've noticed that it has helped 'shrink' my waist somewhat with the compression.
And getting some clothes that fit appropriately (and aren't maternity) definitely helped me feel a little more comfortable with my new body.
I just paid $5600 to have the three inches of my separation corrected via tummy tuck. It's never going to be like it was. That is the reality.
Thanks ladies for the support and letting me know I'm not alone in this. I know it's still really early in my PP life, I guess I just thought once I lost my pregnancy weight I would be back to a new normal. I'll get there eventually. I really appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one whose frustrated by the changes.
And, yes, I'm rocking the spanx like it's nobody's business
Totally de-lurking to add my support.
My twins are 26 months, and I've been back to my pre-pregnancy weight and size for about a year now. I do have some differences now, but honestly most people are shocked that I carried twins (to 38 weeks!). You definitely CAN do it. I worked out before, during and after pregnancy and yes, like you, I was a little bummed at how "weak" I felt when I started exercising again, but I actually got back into shape pretty quickly. I think being fit before getting pregnant and maintaining my exercise during pregnancy helped me bounce back more quickly.
I do have some slightly looser skin on my belly, but heck, I am 42 years old and carried two babies. I keep thinking of that (now slightly racist sounding) quote from "Gone with the Wind": "Miss Scarlet, you done had yourself a baby! You ain't never gonna be no 22 inch waist again!"
But give it a few months and you CAN have great abs and a fit body once again. :-)