ab muscles still separated

nikinikinine

I guess I should have realized this considering my stomach is still slightly distended, but last night I was in spin class and I noticed that when I tightened my core I could feel my ab muscles and they were still separated. Probably like an inch or so apart. I can stick my fingertips in between them still. How long did it take for your ab muscles to pull back into one another?

I'm thinking I have another month or two of this to go.

I've been doing ab exercises to strengthen the muscles again, but it's crazy how weak I am compared to what I could do before getting KU. I can't even clear my shoulder blades off the floor when doing crunches now. All in good time, I know. I just thought my muscles would have better "memory" I guess? 

kimarino13

I can still stick a fingertip in between.  I hear that is within normal range.

ahava2005

Actually crunches are the worst possible thing youcould do.  It will make the separation even worse.  You want to stick to planks and exercises like that.  Nothing in a crunch motion...it just increases the separation.

 It can take a year to go away, if it does at all.

babydontforget

You're only nine weeks out! 

nikinikinine

babydontforget:

You're only nine weeks out! 

I know, I know.

what's the saying? nine months in, nine months out?

This new body is just taking some getting used to. I was a total gym rat before getting KU, I feel smooshy all the time. Not loving it. At all.

My belly is smooshy, my boobs are too big. I just feel grody. I love my babies, and they are worth the hot mess I've become, but I don't feel confident in myself in the least. 

I think I'm having extra issues with body image right now because we're at the point where I'm able to resume things in the bedroom and the *last* thing I want to be right now is naked. 

kimarino13

Niki, I hope this doesn't come off bad, because I don't mean it to.  But you have posted so many times over the past 9 weeks (and even a bunch when pregnant) about what you think your body should look like post-twins, and none of it is very realistic.  You had twins 2 months ago!  That's nothing!  You really have to take it slow, and try not to be so obsessed with how your body should look, especially this early on.  You're doing all you can - and more - and you just have to let things go a little.

I understand the lack of confidence.  I used to have an eating disorder many years ago and fight every day to put that out of my mind and accept who I am now.  But having the girls is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I will likely never look like I did before all this IVF/baby stuff.  And that's OK.  It just isn't all-consuming anymore now that I have the girls, thankfully.

babydontforget

Ditto Kim.

I totally get the body image thing. Trust me, I get it. But still I would really urge you to give yourself a big break here. You just had twins. You *just* had *twins*. I have also heard the saying "nine months in, nine months out"...but I think that saying refers to singleton pregnancies. :-/ It's going to take a while. Frankly, it will probably never be exactly the same.

PMing you... 

kimarino13:

Niki, I hope this doesn't come off bad, because I don't mean it to.  But you have posted so many times over the past 9 weeks (and even a bunch when pregnant) about what you think your body should look like post-twins, and none of it is very realistic.  You had twins 2 months ago!  That's nothing!  You really have to take it slow, and try not to be so obsessed with how your body should look, especially this early on.  You're doing all you can - and more - and you just have to let things go a little.

I understand the lack of confidence.  I used to have an eating disorder many years ago and fight every day to put that out of my mind and accept who I am now.  But having the girls is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I will likely never look like I did before all this IVF/baby stuff.  And that's OK.  It just isn't all-consuming anymore now that I have the girls, thankfully.

GiGi1221

kimarino13:

Niki, I hope this doesn't come off bad, because I don't mean it to.  But you have posted so many times over the past 9 weeks (and even a bunch when pregnant) about what you think your body should look like post-twins, and none of it is very realistic.  You had twins 2 months ago!  That's nothing!  You really have to take it slow, and try not to be so obsessed with how your body should look, especially this early on.  You're doing all you can - and more - and you just have to let things go a little.

I understand the lack of confidence.  I used to have an eating disorder many years ago and fight every day to put that out of my mind and accept who I am now.  But having the girls is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I will likely never look like I did before all this IVF/baby stuff.  And that's OK.  It just isn't all-consuming anymore now that I have the girls, thankfully.

I could not agree more.  I too had an eating disorder and am very self conscience.   I was a size 4 before I get pregnant- I gained about 30lbs or so while pregnant.  Now, a YEAR later, I am a size 4 again.  With hanging, stretchmarked skin and can almost fit a fist between my ab muscles.  We carried two babies at one time- picture perfect body be damned...

Give yourself a break- what do you have to prove?

nikinikinine

kimarino13:

Niki, I hope this doesn't come off bad, because I don't mean it to.  But you have posted so many times over the past 9 weeks (and even a bunch when pregnant) about what you think your body should look like post-twins, and none of it is very realistic.  You had twins 2 months ago!  That's nothing!  You really have to take it slow, and try not to be so obsessed with how your body should look, especially this early on.  You're doing all you can - and more - and you just have to let things go a little.

I understand the lack of confidence.  I used to have an eating disorder many years ago and fight every day to put that out of my mind and accept who I am now.  But having the girls is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I will likely never look like I did before all this IVF/baby stuff.  And that's OK.  It just isn't all-consuming anymore now that I have the girls, thankfully.

eek, sorry. I didn't realize I was posting about it that much.

I have no idea what's realistic and what isn't - never been pregnant (obvs) and I don't know anyone IRL that has twins. I know many, many people with singletons and by the time they were where I am their bodies were back to normal. Instead I feel kind of stretched out and deflated.

It's not that I am consumed by it because most days I'm home alone with the babies in sweats. It doesn't really matter. But I have my ten year anniversary with the hubs coming up and I tried on some of my old clothes to try and find something to wear and I obviously don't fit.

My kids, too, are the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. But that has nothing to do with wanting to feel pretty again. I'm embarrassed/sad that I can't find a nice dress in my closet to wear out to dinner with my husband and with two 9 week old babies I don't have the time or ability to shop.

I feel awkward in my new skin and it has nothing to do with my love, thankfulness or appreciation for the twins at all. Is my lack of self confidence stupid and superficial. Sure. But it's how I feel.

macchiatto

I would say the majority of women even with singleton pregnancies are not right back to their pre-pg bodies 9 weeks out.

GiGi1221

I totally understand what you are saying.  But really, your babies are still so little.  Do you have a belly bandit or something similar to wear under one of your dresses?

cookiemonster03

I mostly lurk here, but I agree with PPs. I actually find the tone of your posts about your body pretty worrysome, and I think if you continue to feel this way you might want to find someone to talk to.

Also, how many women who are two months post partum do you see naked? I think it is REALLY unlikely many (or even a small percentage) of women are back to their prepartum selves two months out.

nikinikinine

Sorry ladies, again, I didn't realize I was overposting on Multiples about the changes I'm seeing. It probably seems like I'm more upset about it than I am only because I don't have anywhere else to ask questions like this. I figured most people on the board could relate to the changes and would have advice about what to expect after having the babies.

Honestly, instead it seems like the general consensus is that anyone unhappy with the way they look post-babies has an eating disorder or some other issue that needs attention. I don't have either, I just wasn't prepared for how different I would look after having babies - whether I had one or three. The adjustment takes some getting used to.

I didn't mean to appear obsessive, I was honestly just hoping to get a better sense of what I should expect from people who have been there. Clearly, I was wrong to post about body related questions ad nauseam. I'll stick to baby-specific stuff from now on. Promise

pea-kay

Hey, go treat yourself to a new dress that fits now. You deserve it!

NewMommy2BeFinally

I can still put my fingertips between them and my girls are 18mos.... i'm sure it's normal

LALASEPT05

Just wanted to follow up with a little support. While my guys are 10 months old I definitely don't have the stomach I had before pregnancy and I am thinking I never will. I just started reading up on the whole muscle separation thing the pp is correct in that crunches are not good for muscle separation. If you google excercises for your transverse abdominals - you'll come up with a few exercises that would work for you. And since you are an expereinced gym person - you probably already know some.

Also since you're only 9 weeks out just want you to know that your body will still change a lot. Just before I went back to work at 13 weeks pp I went out and purchased a bunch of pants in a new size because my stomach was still large and I figured that was just my new size. Well low and behold over the next 3 months I ended up losing 2 more sizes and am now back in my pp clothes. Heck I am back in things I haven't worn since 2007. There is little time to eat with twins and not going out to eat and not really eating a large dinner or having seconds has really helped with slimming down a bit. All I am saying is that your body will still change. That said my stomach is still pretty soft and I find little time to exercise although I'm trying though. I've resigned to the fact that it will likely be somewhat soft always due to some separation. So two things I think - one your body will still change but two it will likely never be exactly the same as it was. Good luck to you!

nolachick11

Ditto PK...go buy yourself a new dress!  It doesn't matter what size for now, but get something that will make you feel good! 

Listen, I don't know much about ab separation etc...but honestly, I felt disgusted by my body after having the twins and I only delivered a day shy of 34 wks.  I gained about 30 pounds doing fertility treatments....pumping my body with hormones made me bloated from my stomach, to my butt, to my thighs.  It took a few months for me to lose most of the pregnancy weight I had gained then I hit a plateau( I still needed to lose the other 30 pounds) I also hated that all my best singleton friends looked like they never even had a baby as they all hung out at our pool last summer as I was now in a one piece.  Now, I was very happy and blessed and just got over it b/c I now had my miracles who I love so much!  About a little over a month before their 1st bday, I joined Weight Watchers.  I've lost 32 pounds and I finally feel great! I am just now fitting into a lot of my old jeans and dresses.  Some still don't fit right and I am okay with that b/c I know my body will never be exactly the same.  I will say now that my stomach finally looks flatter, now  I still have stretch marks but I can wear a 2 piece as long as it covers them! 

I guess my point after all my rambling is that you need to give yourself time.  Your precious babies are just over 2 months old!   And if you have to go buy some bigger clothes for now, hey, its ok! I bought a few things to get me buy and now they are put away at the top of my closet in case we ever get pregnant again!

  

tosh24

**Shameless Lurker Alert***

Have you ever visited the website theshapeofamother.com (NSFW)? Most people do not bounce back to the way they were pre-pregnancy (despite what your friends may look like) and many women's bodies never look the same even if they do go back to their previous size (this is the case for me). Just par for the course.

This website will give you a good idea of what is "normal". You can click on the twins or multiples tag and it will bring you to real life stories and pictures of women who have had a multiple pregnancy.  I hope this helps put things in perspective for you.

***Back to hiding***

ETA: fix link....sorry I had the wrong one before. Grrr...looks like it doesn't work as a clicky but you can C&P the addy into a new window and it will work

mrs.cam

So for some actual advice, bc my post baby body bothers me and im not afraid to admit it, research diastasis recti. Ab exercises like crunches can make it worse. I have been doing some exercises geared toward correction (mostly breathing contractions) for two weeks and have lost an inch so i am going to keep at it. Ive read it will get better on its own most likely but i like to think im speeding the process up a bit.

GSwans

I wish I had the motivation that you do to actually get to the gym and *try* to get this body back in shape...but I just don't.  I was a size 2 pre-preg, and while I can fit back into everything, I don't like the way it look sand feels...like slightly too tight, with this belly that just can't go away. 

My stomach is just a mush-fest.  The stretch marks are NOT going anywhere and the whoel area is just not going back to normal without some kind of tummy tuck situation...which I think I may be doing at some point. I'm not ready to throw away my bikinis, and I want to be able to feel ok being naked in front of my husband (who is very encouraging and says he doesn't care, but I DO!). 

So I totally hear what you're saying, and I think you're more than justified to be frustrated with your body!

Temp6313048411121614

I'm sorry you're having a hard time accepting your new body.  It's a huge adjustment.  After DS1 my stomach looked better than it did before I got pg with him.  I finally felt ok to be in a bikini at home.  Since my twins, I now have a 3 finger diastasis.  I've lost all of the weight and then some, I'm between a size 2 and size 4, but still have some roundness.  I'm going to try some of the techniques to close it, but I don't think anything other than surgery will totally fix it. 

SweetBijou

Yes--I ditto the go buy yourself a new dress (and some new pants, shirts, etc.) that fit correctly.  It feels 'odd' to be in a body that doesn't feel like your own.  I've always been a size 0/2--very petite.  I will never fit in some of my clothes again.  Between hip bones and rib cages widening, there is just no way.

 I think the girls are just worried about you and want to make sure you have proper expectations.  You aren't overposting.  :-)

 Have you tried spanx?  I've been wearing the high waisted undies and hose.  Not only does it make me feel more secure under my clothes, I've noticed that it has helped 'shrink' my waist somewhat with the compression.

 And getting some clothes that fit appropriately (and aren't maternity) definitely helped me feel a little more comfortable with my new body.

FaeryStarGazer

I just paid $5600 to have the three inches of my separation corrected via tummy tuck. It's never going to be like it was. That is the reality.

 

nikinikinine

Thanks ladies for the support and letting me know I'm not alone in this. I know it's still really early in my PP life, I guess I just thought once I lost my pregnancy weight I would be back to a new normal. I'll get there eventually. I really appreciate knowing that I'm not the only one whose frustrated by the changes.

And, yes, I'm rocking the spanx like it's nobody's business  

Skatcat

Totally de-lurking to add my support.

 My twins are 26 months, and I've been back to my pre-pregnancy weight and size for about a year now.  I do have some differences now, but honestly most people are shocked that I carried twins (to 38 weeks!).  You definitely CAN do it. I worked out before, during and after pregnancy and yes, like you, I was a little bummed at how "weak" I felt when I started exercising again, but I actually got back into shape pretty quickly. I think being fit before getting pregnant and maintaining my exercise during pregnancy helped me bounce back more quickly.

I do have some slightly looser skin on my belly, but heck, I am 42 years old and carried two babies. I keep thinking of that (now slightly racist sounding) quote from "Gone with the Wind": "Miss Scarlet, you done had yourself a baby! You ain't never gonna be no 22 inch waist again!"  

 But give it a few months and you CAN have great abs and a fit body once again. :-)