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Babies on the Brain
princess101
member
S/o Baby shower question...riddle me this...
princess101
member
So, with Ryan I had a baby shower 6 hours from home where I grew up. My local friends and family could not come, were not sent invites and did not do gifts since it was so far away and there was no way they could travel that far for a baby shower.
Is it considered tacky if someone throws me a shower here locally for this new baby? We don't *need* anything for this baby and I would never ever ask someone to throw me a shower, but I would hate to think that people would assume we couldn't afford our baby or that we needed gifts or whatever by having a small get together or shower (as seems to be assumed on the baby shower board).
It's odd for me to even think of 2nd showers as tacky because it's so accepted and normal for this area, but i know some have super strong opinions. Wdyt?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: S/o Baby shower question...riddle me this...
I know this is common for some areas. Here, it's more of a get together to socialize and celebrate the new baby. Often times people don't do gifts at all, but it's still called a shower. It's just odd to me that it differs so much from place to place and person to person.
If someone is offering to throw you a local shower for those friends and family who missed out last time, ask them if they would throw a Meet the baby party instead. This is the way my family does it when the kids are close in age. (Almost everyone still brings a gift, though they tend to bring smaller items.)
Even though my kids will be almost 15 years apart in age, since I live far from family the only baby shower I am "expecting" is one at work, and there only because everyone gets thrown a shower by management, even for second/third etc babies. (And I have to say, I'd honestly be miffed if they didn't have one for me, since I've chipped in for at least 20 showers in the last 5 years alone.)
While I like the idea of a "meet the baby" party, I wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and would rather have nothing at all. I don't want to expose my new baby to a ton of germs and/or have a lot of people touching, holding baby etc all at once. I know that probably sounds bad, but it's how I feel.
I wasn't "planning" to have a shower this time around. DD is 3 years old and we specifically picked gender neutral fabrics for all of the "big" stuff (crib bedding, car seat, stroller, bouncy seat, etc).
However, my best friend is insisting that she is throwing me a shower. She was due the day before me and had a m/c so I think she is looking to throw herself into a project. I explained to her that 2nd showers are perceived to be gift-grabby and tacky in some areas (here included). I brought up the idea of a sprinkle and now she is running with that.
For us it works. All of my friends who live here (NH) didn't get to attend my shower for DD (it was in CT) so now we can all get together and celebrate #2. I don't see a problem with a sprinkle as your described, especially if it is the norm for your area.
I think as long as the second showers are smaller affairs, it isn't that big a deal even if it isn't exactly the norm. My husband's cousin had a friend who hosted a "sprinkling" for her last year and I didn't really think much of it. It was a pretty small gathering -- around 10-15 and most were family. It was a fun opportunity to get together and celebrate the new baby that would be arriving.
A second shower is not something I would really think of having, but if I had a friend who wanted to do something, I would encourage a small gathering like a sprinkling.
I am of the "you don't have a shower for second/third etc. children because its tacky" camp.
However, sometimes people get overzealous and really want to throw a party for someone so I think there are ways it can be done that are more appropriate etiquette wise.
Example: (if you don't want to do a Meet the baby party) someone could do a "Welcome Baby" Dinner or a "mom's last Hurrah". Make it clear on the invitations that it is a small gathering of girlfriends to pamper momtobe and gifts are unnecessary. That way its before the baby is born (so no germs) but your girls can get together with you, have food, fun, games and if they choose they can buy a welcoming gift for the baby.
It would have to be small scale though. I have friends who think its acceptable to do showers for multiple kids and I'm afraid they would want to do one for me especially if my next is opposite sex but I will be very adamant about NOT doing a shower.
If someone wants to throw you a shower I think it would be a little tacky to tell them "no I don't want a shower for this one, it is tacky." I think saying, that's fine but I'd prefer it to be small would be more appropriate.
I don't think a small shower for a 2nd baby is tacky if it is a generally accepted practice in your area.
In my area, it is not tacky to have a small shower or a "sprinkle". When I was pg with Ezra some friends threw a surprise sprinkle for me and a friend who was pg with her fourth. I help throw a sprinkle for a friend pg with her third. In our group of friends especially, it is normal to throw a shower for each pregnancy.
Even a second, third, or fourth time parents need or would like some things. For example a second time parent might need a double stroller or sometimes baby gear needs to be replaces, especially by the third or fourth child. One of my friends needed a new carseat because her's was expired. And of course most parents need diapers and sometimes new clothes (for example most of my baby boy clothes were ruined by Ezra's vomiting).
Baby # 2 edd 11/26/08 - Ezra Jacob born 11/29/08, 9 lbs 6 oz., 21 3/4 in
Baby #3 edd 05/04/13 - Titus Jude born 05/01/13, 9 lb 5 oz. 21.5 in
I'm of the camp that every baby should be celebrated, not just the first one.
That being said (unless there are significant years between babies), registering for all new gear is gift-grabby IMO. HeIl, registering at all for a subsequent baby could be considered grabby. A cookout or something along those lines might be nice & informal, not to mention fun. More of a pre-baby get together instead of a formal "shower".
I don't think you have to down-size your guest list because it isn't a first child, but maybe put something on the invite that says, "We are thankful to have all of the supplies we need for Baby Lastname, therefore, if you feel inclined to give, we ask that you please make a donation to (Name of Charity/Food Bank/Organization)."
Oh, & "sprinkle" makes me think of those little signs you see in bathrooms - "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be sweet & wipe the seat."
ROFLMAO at "sprinkle".
That's a new one on me.