S/o Baby shower question...riddle me this...

princess101

So, with Ryan I had a baby shower 6 hours from home where I grew up. My local friends and family could not come, were not sent invites and did not do gifts since it was so far away and there was no way they could travel that far for a baby shower.

Is it considered tacky if someone throws me a shower here locally for this new baby? We don't *need* anything for this baby and I would never ever ask someone to throw me a shower, but I would hate to think that people would assume we couldn't afford our baby or that we needed gifts  or whatever by having a small get together or shower (as seems to be assumed on the baby shower board).

It's odd for me to even think of 2nd showers as tacky because it's so accepted and normal for this area, but i know some have super strong opinions. Wdyt?

sourapplemartini

I had a super small shower with friends I had made since I had DD, we did dinner and gifts at a restaurant. I say go with whatever makes you want!

mrs_b_2007

I just don't ever understand why someone would have a baby shower for a 2nd child -  up here in the Northeast it's unheard of. I always thought the point of them was to set up the new parents with the essentials they will need. Unless your kid is super far apart from the first baby, IMO it's tacky to have another.

princess101

mrs_b_2007:

I just don't ever understand why someone would have a baby shower for a 2nd child -  up here in the Northeast it's unheard of. I always thought the point of them was to set up the new parents with the essentials they will need. Unless your kid is super far apart from the first baby, IMO it's tacky to have another.

I know this is common for some areas. Here, it's more of a get together to socialize and celebrate the new baby. Often times people don't do gifts at all, but it's still called a shower. It's just odd to me that it differs so much from place to place and person to person. 

akalutts

If someone is offering to throw you a local shower for those friends and family who missed out last time, ask them if they would throw a Meet the baby party instead. This is the way my family does it when the kids are close in age. (Almost everyone still brings a gift, though they tend to bring smaller items.)

Even though my kids will be almost 15 years apart in age, since I live far from family the only baby shower I am "expecting" is one at work, and there only because everyone gets thrown a shower by management, even for second/third etc babies. (And I have to say, I'd honestly be miffed if they didn't have one for me, since I've chipped in for at least 20 showers in the last 5 years alone.)

princess101

akalutts:

If someone is offering to throw you a local shower for those friends and family who missed out last time, ask them if they would throw a Meet the baby party instead. This is the way my family does it when the kids are close in age. (Almost everyone still brings a gift, though they tend to bring smaller items.)

Even though my kids will be almost 15 years apart in age, since I live far from family the only baby shower I am "expecting" is one at work, and there only because everyone gets thrown a shower by management, even for second/third etc babies. (And I have to say, I'd honestly be miffed if they didn't have one for me, since I've chipped in for at least 20 showers in the last 5 years alone.)

While I like the idea of a "meet the baby" party, I wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and would rather have nothing at all. I don't want to expose my new baby to a ton of germs and/or have a lot of people touching, holding baby etc all at once. I know that probably sounds bad, but it's how I feel. 

akalutts

princess101:

akalutts:

If someone is offering to throw you a local shower for those friends and family who missed out last time, ask them if they would throw a Meet the baby party instead. This is the way my family does it when the kids are close in age. (Almost everyone still brings a gift, though they tend to bring smaller items.)

Even though my kids will be almost 15 years apart in age, since I live far from family the only baby shower I am "expecting" is one at work, and there only because everyone gets thrown a shower by management, even for second/third etc babies. (And I have to say, I'd honestly be miffed if they didn't have one for me, since I've chipped in for at least 20 showers in the last 5 years alone.)

While I like the idea of a "meet the baby" party, I wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and would rather have nothing at all. I don't want to expose my new baby to a ton of germs and/or have a lot of people touching, holding baby etc all at once. I know that probably sounds bad, but it's how I feel. 

We typically wait until the baby's 2-3 months old ... maybe it's just better to make some extra time to see these friends and family one at a time for dinner or an afternoon out before you deliver. Heck, just have a dinner party for no other reason than to have one. It doesn't have to be a shower at all, just a "long time no see" party. 

ChefSarah22

I wasn't "planning" to have a shower this time around.  DD is 3 years old and we specifically picked gender neutral fabrics for all of the "big" stuff (crib bedding, car seat, stroller, bouncy seat, etc).  

However, my best friend is insisting that she is throwing me a shower.  She was due the day before me and had a m/c so I think she is looking to throw herself into a project.  I explained to her that 2nd showers are perceived to be gift-grabby and tacky in some areas (here included).  I brought up the idea of a sprinkle and now she is running with that.

For us it works.  All of my friends who live here (NH) didn't get to attend my shower for DD (it was in CT) so now we can all get together and celebrate #2.  I don't see a problem with a sprinkle as your described, especially if it is the norm for your area. 

mlb108

I think as long as the second showers are smaller affairs, it isn't that big a deal even if it isn't exactly the norm. My husband's cousin had a friend who hosted a "sprinkling" for her last year and I didn't really think much of it.  It was a pretty small gathering -- around 10-15 and most were family.  It was a fun opportunity to get together and celebrate the new baby that would be arriving.

A second shower is not something I would really think of having, but if I had a friend who wanted to do something, I would encourage a small gathering like a sprinkling.

buckin

I am of the "you don't have a shower for second/third etc. children because its tacky" camp.

However, sometimes people get overzealous and really want to throw a party for someone so I think there are ways it can be done that are more appropriate etiquette wise.

Example: (if you don't want to do a Meet the baby party) someone could do a "Welcome Baby" Dinner or a "mom's last Hurrah". Make it clear on the invitations that it is a small gathering of girlfriends to pamper momtobe and gifts are unnecessary. That way its before the baby is born (so no germs) but your girls can get together with you, have food, fun, games and if they choose they can buy a welcoming gift for the baby.

It would have to be small scale though. I have friends who think its acceptable to do showers for multiple kids and I'm afraid they would want to do one for me especially if my next is opposite sex but I will be very adamant about NOT doing a shower.

swimrbride

If someone wants to throw you a shower I think it would be a little tacky to tell them "no I don't want a shower for this one, it is tacky." I think saying, that's fine but I'd prefer it to be small would be more appropriate.

I don't think a small shower for a 2nd baby is tacky if it is a generally accepted practice in your area.

caffinated_tulip

I don't think that a shower for a 2nd baby is tacky if some one really wants to throw you one. A friend of mine with a 9 month old is no pregnant with #2 and we're going to throw her a little shin-dig. A bunch of us are pitching in to buy them a second crib, and we'll have a nice lunch/brunch thing. No biggie, but something to celebrate.

roshybride

In my area, it is not tacky to have a small shower or a "sprinkle".  When I was pg with Ezra some friends threw a surprise sprinkle for me and a friend who was pg with her fourth.  I help throw a sprinkle for a friend pg with her third.  In our group of friends especially, it is normal to throw a shower for each pregnancy. 

Even a second, third, or fourth time parents need or would like some things. For example a second time parent might need a double stroller or sometimes baby gear needs to be replaces, especially by the third or fourth child.  One of my friends needed a new carseat because her's was expired. And of course most parents need diapers and sometimes new clothes (for example most of my baby boy clothes were ruined by Ezra's vomiting). 

 

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines

I'm of the camp that every baby should be celebrated, not just the first one.

That being said (unless there are significant years between babies), registering for all new gear is gift-grabby IMO. HeIl, registering at all for a subsequent baby could be considered grabby. A cookout or something along those lines might be nice & informal, not to mention fun. More of a pre-baby get together instead of a formal "shower".

I don't think you have to down-size your guest list because it isn't a first child, but maybe put something on the invite that says, "We are thankful to have all of the supplies we need for Baby Lastname, therefore, if you feel inclined to give, we ask that you please make a donation to (Name of Charity/Food Bank/Organization)." 

Oh, & "sprinkle" makes me think of those little signs you see in bathrooms - "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be sweet & wipe the seat." 

buckin

ROFLMAO at "sprinkle".

That's a new one on me.

robinsokj

This is one of those things where I don't understand why people care so damn much.  As long as you didn't ask for the shower, and aren't the hostess, then go ahead and enjoy your friends' hospitality. 

MrsDizzyku

I personally don't see any problem with celebrating each new baby--where I'm from people have showers for subsequent children and I've never thought anything of it. A lot of my friends opt for a "Diaper shower" for second or third children--still a get-together celebrating the new life before the baby is born (avoiding bringing baby into contact with potentially lots of germs), but they request that people only bring diapers, ointment, lotions, etc if they want to bring a gift--no registering for big items they already have.