Had a complete meltdown last night

missjul61 · March 2011

Hi Ladies,

I'm 3dp5dt today and was doing great and remaining positive the first 2 days following ET. We had a pretty smooth cycle up to ET and I had no reason to be less than optimistic.

But last night, I couldn't keep negative thoughts from running through my head. Should I have moved that package that came in? Did I bend over too much when I grabbed my drink? I kept thinking that since things have gone so perfectly so far, the outcome can't be perfect as well because that is not my luck, not my life. I couldn't stop crying last night.

I guess I just wanted to vent and hoping that you have some words of wisdom for me during the hardest 2ww thus far. I feel like the more I lose hope, the more I'll create a self-fullfiling prophecy. Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.

ChicagoWeded2007 · March 2011

No No No. You did not do anything to hurt your chances. Your doc did not put you on complete bed rest for two weeks, right? So, I am sure what you did was fine. Stay positive. You have done everything you can to get pregnant and you can be open to the possibility that you are, in fact pregnant.

OCW2010 · March 2011

Distractions would be good. Do you have close girlfriends to hang out with? Or maybe pop on Netflix and just watch a slew of entertaining movies/shows. I personally loved Sorority Wars, Jersey Shore....lol

I haven't been through an ivf 2ww, so I can't relate (YET!). But I do understand that feeling of wondering whether you could have done something to hurt your chances.

I know it doesn't mean much, but I am really optimistic and hopeful for you hon. I feel like we've kind of had similar experiences (no real dx, DH samples were always great, timing always just right, etc), and I also feel like ivf will do the trick. Thinking great thoughts and sending prayers your way babe.

chizzle09 · March 2011

I'm sure you are fine!! I totally understand what you are going through. This is my first IVF and this has been the longest 7 days thus far. I have 5 more days till my beta and I am a nervous wreck. We have put so much money, time, and effort into this!! This 2ww is about 1000 times harder than an IUI cycle. Good luck!!

missjul61 · March 2011

OCW2010:
Distractions would be good. Do you have close girlfriends to hang out with? Or maybe pop on Netflix and just watch a slew of entertaining movies/shows. I personally loved Sorority Wars, Jersey Shore....lol
I haven't been through an ivf 2ww, so I can't relate (YET!). But I do understand that feeling of wondering whether you could have done something to hurt your chances.
I know it doesn't mean much, but I am really optimistic and hopeful for you hon. I feel like we've kind of had similar experiences (no real dx, DH samples were always great, timing always just right, etc), and I also feel like ivf will do the trick. Thinking great thoughts and sending prayers your way babe.

Thank you sweetie. The movies and tv distractions were working for a while until the stupid anxiety started creeping in. I even popped a leftover Valium pill from the ET. Lol. Thanks for being hopeful for me. It does mean a lot. I have lots of close gfs but only 2 have gone through IF. One is pregnant now so I don't want to be a Debbie Downer to her. Everyone else, thank you. Thank God for a board of women who understand the neuroses of IF. You are wonderful.

Bread09 · March 2011

I get it! I am 7dp5dt and have my beta on Tuesday. During the week last week it wasn't too bad b/c I was so consumed with work. However, yesterday and last night have been hard. I've been overanalyzing everything! I just carried in groceries, nothing heavy, but just had the thought, "should I have done that?". I totally agree with one the pp that the RE doesn't put people on 2 weeks of strict bedrest--that's a good thing to keep in mind! Hang in there!

scooterq · March 2011

I often hit a spot in the 2ww where the negative thoughts creep in. I don't know if it's self preservation or just fear of the same outcome that we've always had before or what! But I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Know that you didn't do anything to hurt your chances. Big ((hugs)) and good luck!

pennylanehd · March 2011

scooterq:
I often hit a spot in the 2ww where the negative thoughts creep in. I don't know if it's self preservation or just fear of the same outcome that we've always had before or what! But I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Know that you didn't do anything to hurt your chances. Big ((hugs)) and good luck!

This exactly...I'm guessing this is just a coping mechanism that a lot of us do to preserve our own sanity after so many cycles of bad news. Have you thought about doing something physical with your hands to keep your mind busy, like knitting, making jewelry, etc.? I know I'm a little old lady like that but it does take my mind off things. Good luck, and hang in there!

nancyjane5150 · March 2011

I am so sorry you had a meltdown. I am also 3dp5dt... I have been watching lots of movies, and doing a lot of lurking on diff. boards. I tried reading a book, but I can't focus. My poor dh... I keep asking him "do you think it worked" At this point its out of our hands, so I am trying to stay positive.

missjul61 · March 2011

All great advice. Thank you so much.

kemckinney · March 2011

It's completely normal to feel this way. Both cycles, I teetered between being completely overjoyed to completely depressed and overwhelmed. The only thing you can do is live your best life these 2 weeks and not have any regrets while knowing that at the end of the day it's not really in your control. When you have those negative thoughts- you are just trying to protect yourself and that's normal. i think you have to trust your body and your heart that no matter what you are going to get through this and you are going to survive and this is not going to destroy you either way. Trust the process and believe in yourself. I know all of this sounds corny, but it's a really intense time and having gone through it twice myself I know that those conversations you are having with yourself are powerful things and you need as much hope as possible. Just know you are going to have good days and you are going to have bad ones. At tne end of the day, it's not up to you and it's not up to the doctors anymore whether or not it works. You just have to let it play out. I'm hoping and praying for you! GL!

missjul61 · March 2011

kemckinney:
It's completely normal to feel this way. Both cycles, I teetered between being completely overjoyed to completely depressed and overwhelmed. The only thing you can do is live your best life these 2 weeks and not have any regrets while knowing that at the end of the day it's not really in your control. When you have those negative thoughts- you are just trying to protect yourself and that's normal. i think you have to trust your body and your heart that no matter what you are going to get through this and you are going to survive and this is not going to destroy you either way. Trust the process and believe in yourself. I know all of this sounds corny, but it's a really intense time and having gone through it twice myself I know that those conversations you are having with yourself are powerful things and you need as much hope as possible. Just know you are going to have good days and you are going to have bad ones. At tne end of the day, it's not up to you and it's not up to the doctors anymore whether or not it works. You just have to let it play out. I'm hoping and praying for you! GL!

Thank you that makes a lot of sense

. Good luck to you too!

Toni79 · March 2011

It's perfectly normal to have breakdowns every now and then (at least that is what I keep telling myself to justify my random histerics! Wink )

I haven't done an IVF yet but I am about to start my first IVF cycle (today is CD1, and I'll be starting BC in a day or so. Have to call my RE tomororw to let them know AF started).

It's scarry to to hear that people find the 2ww with IVF worse than with IUI. I can't imagine it being any more miserable. But hey, I guess I'll find out soon enough in a few weeks.

Other options to keep yourself occupied:

Do something outside (weather permitting) - walk the dogs, ride your bike, go on a nature hike, etc.
Check out a non-baby related message board (HGTV.com or Better Homes and Gardens). Find a small project you'd like to do around the house and get some advise. Maybe picking out new curtains for your bedroom or rearraging what's on top of your kitchen cabnets. (Obviously no painting, and stay away from posts about people needing abvise on thier nursery).

GL and keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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