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2nd Trimester
How do you deal with a "guys night out?"
As much as I hate to admit it, I totally hate the fact that my DH is going out with the guys tonight. :-(
Background on us, we always hang out together with friends and we have a blast! Ever since I've gotten pregnant, we haven't been able to share this time together. Now that he's going out with his friends, I can't help but be really upset that I'm stuck at home while he's going out and getting trashed with friends.
I know I'm being totally selfish and juvenile, but has any other ladies dealt with guys' nights out and how did you deal?
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Re: How do you deal with a "guys night out?"
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
MC 9/8/10
Baby Boy Born 7/31/11
I have no problems with guys night out now or when I was pregnant.
Dh and I spent time together with friends, but we also spent time apart with friends. He would have a guys night out and I would have a girls night out.
Just b/c I was pregnant did not mean I was dead, I still went out with firends and had a good time, we just didn't go to the bars and get smashed.
I think it is heathly for couples to do things away from each other one in awhile and spend time with their own friends.
As long as they are still making time for each other too.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
I can see it's frustrating but I would take it as an opportunity to have "me time". After we had our little boy, there was very little time for me to watch my favorite shows, read, scrapbook or some activities.
I also like to spend the time planning dinners with girls. Hope you enjoy
I think I'd be more okay with it if it were a couple hours, but he doesn't plan on being home until 4:30 or 5 am. I can see myself staying up until then b/c of on empty bed. Ugh, wish I wasn't this needy!
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
How about a compromise? DH can go out, if he can be home at a more reasonable hour.
Don't most bars close around 2? WHy does he need to be out until 5?
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
I didn't see this before I replied the first time, but why does he need to be out until 5 am? Bars here close at 2:00. I'm fine with anything before 4 am if they get food or something, but I just can't imagine staying out until 5.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
Wow, you've got plenty patience then girl. If my H tried to do this sh.t at any point, he would be living in his car. Kudos to you. I hit boys
Spontaneous pregnancy #1
DD1 July 31, 2011
Trying for #2 since Oct 11
Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!!
So...they are driving to a bar and getting trashed, then driving an hour home and then driving people back to their homes?
I hope these crazy party animals have a DD.
If it bothers you this much, I would talk to DH in the morning and tell him that you are fine with him having a guys night out, but it would be nice if he could be home a little earlier.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Go Phils!!
Ditto this. I love it when he has a guy's night out! He has a great time and I get to watch whatever awful chick flicks I want to watch.
ETA: I just read the part about him coming in at 5 am. That is late, but if it's a once in a blue moon thing, it wouldn't bug me. If it's weekly, that's a different story. I'm also a deep sleeper so the chances of me noticing that he didn't come in until then are slim. However, at some point in the morning, I'd quit trying to be quiet.
I also have to echo the "I hope they have a DD" comments.
my hubby goes out with his boys every now and then. i don't mind having alone time at all and i totally trust him and his friends, so it doesn't bother me. I think it's healthy when couples can find some time apart.
Perhaps you can rent a movie (and indulge in sweets or popcorn hehe). Call up a friend or invite a friend over? Surfing the web can keep me pretty busy.. there's so much to do online
I know it sucks being the pregnant one while the men have their freedom 
And it sucks that we can't drink/party either haha. Welcome to the boring mom club lol kidding. 
DD #2 2 years old (08/17/11)
DD #3 born 08/29/13
Sounds like the issue isn't the "guys night out," but the fact your husband goes freaking nuts when he goes out with this particular crowd! Why the heck is he still acting like he's in undergrad (getting sloshed, and staying out till 5 a.m.? I don't even think I could stay awake until then!!) and how OLD are you guys? (Are we talking early 20's?)
DH and I used to party like a rockstar when I was early 20's, but there comes a point where you sort of rein it back a bit. That's what you gotta tell your husband to do ... guys night out? Fine, but he's got to stop acting like a juvenile frat boy/idiot, learn to just enjoy himself without getting tanked, and come home at a reasonable time -- he's got a pregnant wife at home.
ha this!! Totally this find room to compromise between 5am and midnight!
I don't care, really. But we're well past the college like partying days, and he never stays out until 5 am anymore.
I think the fact that we both have our times out without each other is just one of the things that keeps our relationship healthy.
I get more angry and pissed off when he leaves work an hour late (like he does at least once a week) than I do about him going out with his friends.
I was going to say that you need to give him a break. But then I saw that he stays out until 5 a.m. and drives with his trashed friends an hour home. Really??? I hope they have a DD, but that is just immature and dangerous.
Plus, he has a pregnant wife at home. Wow! Time to grow up. My DH goes out with his friend occasionally, and I encourage it. He stays out until midnight or so at the latest, and none of them are jack@sses who would drive home drunk!
Yeah, if they have a DD I don't see what the big deal is. All of the "Oh goodness! 5 am! tsk tsk" comments are making me laugh.
If it was an every weekend thing, I would definitely say it's time to calm down, but if it's once and a while with old college buddies or something, then I don't see the issue. Just rent a movie, call over some girlfriends, or go out yourself! You have a limited amount of time before you both going out requires you to pay a sitter! Enjoy it!
Of course, I'm the one in our relationship who use to roll in at 4-5am. Yes, bars close at 2, but the cheesesteak places don't close until after 3!
Thanks everyone, I was worried that I was being irrational, although I know I am for a little piece of it. No he doesn't go out ofen, maybe once every few months. The 5 am thing is a big annoyance, but whether it's 2 am or 5 am, the issue is the same, not the length of him being gone. And no, this isn't a DD, one of them is just going to watch what he drinks (now we all know how well that works out...idiot boys).
I guess at this point, as long as he gets home safely, that's really all that matters. If I need to go get him at the wee hours of the morning, I will, but he'll hear it for days.
We are relatively young, myself in my mid 20's and he in his late. We both used to go out a lot with friends and those moments were snatched from him, even though we made the decision to have a baby (LO was planned). Boys will be boys, but I agree that 5 am is excessive, and I'll ask him to cut it to 3am next time.
Now back to cleaning my whole house to keep myself busy!
To the first bolded statement - absolutely, positively unacceptable. Either there is a designated driver who does not drink at all, or my husband doesn't go. I'm sorry. I am not the kind of wife that believes it is okay to tell my husband what to do. But if he's being stupid enough to put his life on the line, you can bet your @ss that I'll forbid him to go. My son needs a father, and this second LO needs a father too.
To the second bolded statement - nothing was "snatched" from him. Your husband is in his late 20s. He's had plenty of time to party. And he made a choice to get married and have a child. He made these choices, they weren't made for him. Now he has to grow up and be an adult.
That said, if he's going out just once every few months, then a guys night out is no big deal. I still am not too keen on the 5 AM thing, but my husband isn't the kind to stay out that late anyway. If you're fine with 5 AM, who am I to tell you otherwise? I also don't like the idea of my husband coming home completely trashed. A few drinks is fine. But totally wasted - yeah that's a little too undergrad for me. My husband is an adult with a wife, a son, and a baby on the way. He's had plenty of time in his life to get trashed, now he gets to be a responsible adult who is capable of limiting his alcohol intake. A guys night out does not negate the responsibilities of fatherhood the next day (thus the reason DH doesn't stay out til 5 AM and doesn't get wasted). And he also gets to have a designated driver no matter how much he drinks (even if it is one beer). I'm amazed that you're worried more about how you're going to deal with the night out, but you're not worried about how your husband is going to survive it if there's no designated driver.
I'm cool with DH having a guys night out. He doesn't do it too often. And it gives me an opportunity to have a girls night or a night to myself. But a guys night where he's getting totally wasted like a Freshman in college and without a designated driver to boot - yeah that would bother me.
This x infinity......not to mention the fact that they are putting many other innocent people at risk. Seriously disgusting.
Well he made it home safely, at 3:45 instead of 5 am, thank heavens. The guy who was driving stopped drinking early (but I agree, still not thrilled about the idea).
Thanks for the opinions ladies, time to move on now as we're working on finished up the baby's room today :-)
My husband going out with friends has never really bothered me because I also have nights out with friends where he doesn't come. Also, I enjoy having some time home alone (as alone as you can be with two kids).
Anyway, when I read posts like this my first question is always how old are you guys? Are you both really not grown up enough to figure out how to fun without going out and getting trashed?
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
My husband has a friend who used to drive home trashed all the time. I started calling the cops on him every time he left drunk.
My husband knows better than to come home either having driven drunk himself, or getting a ride from someone who was drunk.
One of my friends was killed by a drunk driver when we were in high school. I do not tolerate it at all.
THIS!
I think one hangover having do deal with a baby or children will sort out the urge to ever be STILL awake at 5AM - being woken up is bad enough but then still being awake and having to deal with poopy bums or sick bellies is not good. You will naturally start to curb your hours of going out to match the pain it gives you in the morning to have to be awake regardless of how you feel. And another thing that always popped into my brain and that of my DH was that we didn't want to ever still have alcohol in our system when making decisions for our baby or if there was an emergency at the house.
That being said - if it is a once in a blue moon thing - and you are letting him have a lie in to sleep off his foolishness then suck it up and just realise that you turn will come (or should) and that you can learn to entertain yourselves other ways than at the bar. Having people over will become more and more important (and more economical - ;o) ). I'll admit sometimes I miss that feeling of just letting it all hang out and thinking only for myself - but with a 3 year-old in the house I have to say that I am more likely to want to just put my feet up with a nice glass of wine of an evening than go out in uncomfortable shoes and clothes to drink in a bar...
This, 100x! I can't believe you're not at all concerned that he will be getting in a car with someone who's been drinking, regardless of how much they've had! That is so irresponsible. If my husband were to call me in the middle of the night so that I could go get him instead of him choosing to get in with someone who's been drinking, I definitely wouldn't give him a hard time about it the next day.
Going out until 5am is a little excessive. Your H is an adult now, not a college student.
I'm happy when my DH gets out and has fun some times. He works really hard and I think it's very good for us as a couple to get out with our own friends some times and have a good time.
Why don't you plan a girls night out? I don't drink and I certainly don't think you have to get trashed to have fun.
Logan - 11/09, Lander 08/11, Baby #3 ~It's a girl!!~ EDD: 04/10/14
I am so happy that my H's GNO means playing hockey once a week and having a beer or two afterwards in the locker room. We don't do the 5 am thing b/c, well, we are adults and parents. We did that 10 years ago when we were in our 20's (he's 34 and I am 31).
I guess it's good he is getting it out now because he won't be able to do this in a few months. GNO? Yes. 5am? Hell, no.
Go Phils!!