Seattle and the Superparent/baby complex? (longish)

sunmountain · March 2011

Is it just me or does it feel like Seattle is a bit of an anomaly when it comes to the direct or perceived pressure to be the super parent, w/ the "super" child - read all the books, take the classes, have your children in all the right activities and schools. Perhaps it's because this particular city is so highly educated (over 50% have bachelor's degrees) or maybe it's not Seattle and today, parents just have more information and resources everywhere?

I'll fully admit to being a part of it simply because I want my kids to have fun things to do while learning, give ME something to do w/ them and provide the best education we can afford and quite frankly, keep my kids are in activities with our friends. Often times I just wonder though how everyone affords it and stays sane - we do just fine but can't do it all. I read my local area neighborhood board and the school stuff alone stresses me out. In chatting w/ some neighbors who are from another state, this is not at all common where they are from and preschool is a maybe thing sometimes at 4, sometimes not at all. "WHAAAT?! I replied."

I think it would make a very interesting case study or article in a local publication - which might have already been done and I missed! GASP - bad parent, bad parent. ;-)

Not trying to start a big debate just curious on what people think and if this is somewhat unique to Seattle/Bellevue and cities like it or is this just the way it is for the most part everywhere else too?

Mrs.Kiltlifter · March 2011

I think it has more to do with the fact that the Seattle area is so highly educated. We instill our education and love of learning in our children and want more for them then what we had. I full admit that our children will go to private schools because we went to private schools even though we are in a good school district. It is probably the superparent/superchild mentality that keeps Seattle in one of the top spots for education.

blueLu25 · March 2011

I think its a combo of the area and the Bump. I dont think its uncommon for kids to start kindergarten without preschool. I think a lot of daycares do preschool activities so parents say their kid goes to "school" but really its their daycare.

preston18 · March 2011

I don?t think its just Seattle; I?d say it?s more the coasts and larger cities. It becomes the norm because it?s available here whereas in, say, Cleveland, TN it?s not. Also, we tend to socialize with those who make about the same amount of money, so if you can afford Little Gym and aquarium memberships and preschool, chances are so can your friends. We also tend to be friends with those who share similar interests and values. I?m interested in fun things to do with my kid and so are my mommy friends. I do not care if my 2yo doesn?t remember the trip to Disney, or care about the themed birthday party and nice clothes, *I* had fun with him at Disney, *I* like planning a party and *I* have to look at him so I dress him in stuff I like. Oddly enough, I have fun at farms and looking at construction equipment now, too.

As for the reading and classes, I read about anything I want to do well or be better in. If I want to be a better mom, I read some books just like I read books and articles to be a better money manager, cook, employee, etc. I also try to seek out the advice and opinions of people who are excelling in those areas. Coming here is part of that.

StellaZ · March 2011

preston18:
Also, we tend to socialize with those who make about the same amount of money...We also tend to be friends with those who share similar interests and values....I also try to seek out the advice and opinions of people who are excelling in those areas. Coming here is part of that.

Totally. Just from personal opinion, I also think it *might* have something to do with older parents? The average age of first-time parents is still on the rise, and I've seen data that that rise is nearly double in Metroplitan cities. People are more likely to complete their education and start careers long before starting families. So when they do become parents, on average they are generally more financially secure, are in a more stable relationship, have more resources etc. and might feel more ready to throw themselves into "extracurricular" parenthood more so than their younger counterpart. And this being the information age - and Seattle thriving in that realm - keeps all this flowing along at a fast (and sometimes hyper-competitive if you buy into it) pace. Anyway, totally a bullshit guess....

hilarious and appropriate Onion from today

Now let's talk "helicopter parenting" Wink

coribecca · March 2011

I think a lot of it is a product of the internet. I know that I am bombarded with photos, links, and ideas on how to have the cutest party, smartest baby, perfect wardrobe...it gets overwhelming. I'm constantly hearing about everyone else's successes and acheivements. I have to work at not getting sucked into the idea that I need to go to extremes on everything. I also have to constantly remind myself that, especially when it comes to the internet, I'm only getting part of the picture, the part that the person wants everyone to see.

I really try to think of it in terms of what kind of example I'm setting for my kids. I do NOT want to teach them that they don't get to have an Elmo birthday party because it doesn't fit inside what I or others think of as a "cute" party. I want them to feel free to like what they like, regardless of whether it's cool or popular and regardless of whether I (or my friends) like it.

I do not want to teach them that they have to need an expensive doll, bike, or bedroom set to keep up with everyone else. And, while I want them to be proud of themselves and do their best, I do not want to teach them to be show offs or that life is a competition.

I was pushed VERY hard academically as a child and I don't want to do that to my kids. I want to encourage my kids to work hard, but at the same time I do not want to push them into activities and extracurriculars so that their self-worth is wrapped up in their grades or how many gold stars are next to their names. Some ambition is healthy, but too much is destructive.

Mama_v2.0 · March 2011

It's not just here. California bay area is the same. I believe it has to do with disposable income and priorities.

iHeartHimMore · March 2011

Very well said, Coreen. Admittedly, I've been very much in preston's corner in the past - I know L's first b-day party was for me, as are her clothes, etc. But now that she's getting old enough to voice opinions and desires, I very much hope to help her feel okay with whatever it is that she likes.

ETA: Until the last couple months, pretty much all the activities Lila was involved in were pretty much for me as well. Obviously she gets something out of gymnastics and swimming and music class and play dates and story times, but ultimately they've been a way for me to get out of the house and socialize (even just a little). As she's gotten more vocal I'm learning more about which of those things she likes and which she doesn't, so we'll continue some and not others.

None of that really speaks to the original question here, but I don't have much to add there. I do agree that being in a more highly educated, more affluent city definitely plays a role, as does having such a presence online.

Octoberlove · March 2011

While I think all of the activities and extra curricular fun can be enjoyable and educational for children and while I intend on giving Miss D whatever advantages I can, I think that you are walking a fine line. I nannied for two Seattle families who were very loving and caring parents. Their children's schedules were jammed pack and sometimes the kids were just plain exhausted. But the parents didn't want to let up on the schedule for fear their children would fall behind. I once had a chat with a mom at swim team practice who felt guilty that her 6 year old son had only started swim team that year. She felt so bad that he wasn't as good as the kids who had been doing it since they were 4 and felt like he would never catch up. Not awesome.

tfarabians · March 2011

I also think it has a lot to do with our weather. When you can't go outdoors during the winter then you need to keep your munchkins busy right? I'm glad however that its not as tough to get into preschools here than it is in places like NYC and Chicago, my friend is on a 2 year waiting list and they don't have kids yet!

sunmountain · March 2011

Thanks gals - so interesting everyone's perspective is fairly inline and love what you all added. I have an interest in socioeconmics and so conscious of what the things we are doing for our kids. There's a whole lot of positive with living here which is why we (and many of you) are here and also opportunities to make sure there's a balance which is a good thing as a parent to practice. Happy weekend!

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Seattle and the Superparent/baby complex? (longish)

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