UGH- Fertiles

MarriedinCali · March 2011

Last night I went to my couple's bible study. Several women there have 4-5 children, and 3 of them bring their babies to the weekly meetings.

At one poing someone mentioned that we are having a "fellowship" day next week- our off week w/ no studying. At these fellowship days, people typically bring their kids. My H can't make it to the next one because they want to do a pool party on a Saturday and he works. So I mentioned I might not come, and one of the ladies with 5 children chimes in "Well you can come and learn how to parent." She made 2 or 3 other comments last night about how I need to prepare to be a mother because God wants us to have children.

I wanted to cry. I'm not an idiot and I know how to care for a child- I babysat from the time I was 11 through college. I have changed plenty of diapers and I know how to care for a kid...our nieces even lived with us for a while and I took care of them completely. And I'm pretty sure (but not 100% positive) I've let her know about my problems- I had a breakdown in 1 meeting because I had just found out about my pre-cancerous issue and dr. recommendation of hysterectomy an hour before we got together and I was still a little raw.

It just felt like getting stabbed in the heart every time she brought up learning how to parent, and all I wanted to do was run away, but that's hard to do in a setting like we had last night. I know she meant well, and probably didn't realize I had a problem with the conversation (because what good Christian girl doesn't want to have 85 children?) but I just couldn't get her to stop and I didn't know what to say.

Anyway- thanks for letting me vent- IF sucks

Faith722 · March 2011

<<<HUGS>>>

That's a tough situation to find yourself in. I think she probably had good intentions and didn't realize how insensitive she was being, but it still stings.

jessican08 · March 2011

Ughhhh.I'm SO sorry you had to hear that. I can't imagine what I would've done (although I can imagine what I would've LIKED to have done/said!). ((HUGS)).

Delta04 · March 2011

I am so very sorry you had to deal with that - especially in that setting. I have had several of the "seasoned and not so seasoned" saints in my church ask about when we will have children. Of course, everyone takes sees time as an open invitation to give their opinion.

I always smile and say something like the Lord works everything out in His time - not ours. Usually that gets them quiet because, well, who can argue with that?

I know it does not make you feel any better but you will have an awesome testimony when this is all over!

naybird · March 2011

First off.. I want to give you a big hug... I'm so sorry.. people can be so completely insensitive. Do you have a mutual friend who can maybe pull her aside and ask her to cool it with the parenting comments because they deeply hurt you?

Good luck and I hope you feel better!

angela2004 · March 2011

pennylanehd · March 2011

Delta04:

I am so very sorry you had to deal with that - especially in that setting. I have had several of the "seasoned and not so seasoned" saints in my church ask about when we will have children. Of course, everyone takes sees time as an open invitation to give their opinion.

I always smile and say something like the Lord works everything out in His time - not ours. Usually that gets them quiet because, well, who can argue with that?

I know it does not make you feel any better but you will have an awesome testimony when this is all over!

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this...I really like Delta's idea and have used something similar to it in the past. It is particularly respectful in a religious setting and doesn't come off as snarky, which I might be without a filter. Big (((hugs)))!

MarriedinCali · March 2011

Thanks ladies- I really appreciate the kind words. I definitely have someone who can talk to her- I know I probably should, but I don't want the awkward conversation with someone I don't really know.

I did tell her it was all in His timing- and that His plan is greater than our own, but she really didn't seem to pick up on that one and made another baby comment after... BUT maybe she is just trying to be positive and say "when you have kids", etc... which I wasn't taking it as last night- but a little more faith from another person can't hurt I guess.

When we got in the car, I talked it out with DH and he said the same thing - she just didn't realize she was being insensitive- because she probably didn't know, or understand. I get that, and it helped for a little bit- but I'm still dwelling today, so obviously my heart didn't buy in 100% yet.

vanessagorc · March 2011

I'm so so sorry...that really stings.

U are much nicer than I am, bc i would have told her off. HUGE HUGS!

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