- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies on the Brain
Is 23 really "too young"?
My husband and I will be 23 soon and have been married for almost 6 months. We have been talking about having children for over a year now. At our wedding everyone kept asking us "when are you going to have kids?" but now that we really are serious about starting to try, most of our family and friends are telling us not to. They say we're too young and need to spend more time enjoying being newlyweds. Sure we're "young" but we don't live like it; we own a house, my husband has a really good job and is able to support us both (I'm having trouble finding a job in my field, but we're just fine without me working), we hardly ever go out and party/drink like most people our age and we have no desire to travel and see the world right now. We've already been living together for 3 years so it's not like we still need to get used to that. We are very happy and close with each other and things couldn't be better between us. Since we are so happy with our lives right now, why not have a baby? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is 23 really "too young"?
I was typing this almost exactly word for word and then decided not to post it because I couldn't figure out what else I wanted to say.
Married 11/24/07
Camille Rae 8/21/10
Thea Grace's EDD 5/22/14
Yes, you must be at least 34.3 before even considering becoming a parent.
::says the woman who became a mother 3 days before her 23rd birthday::
My thoughts are that if you're taking other people's opinions into consideration enough to let them change your mind... you aren't ready for a baby. There are so many more opportunities to doubt your decisions after the baby gets here than you can possibly imagine, and you'll be getting about 20 different pieces of advice for each one of those situations. You have to be able to take others' advice into consideration, but trust YOUR instincts as a parent, and if you can't do that now, then you should probably wait.
And I'm hoping that you have better reasons for wanting a child besides "we are so happy with our lives right now, why not have a baby?" Yes? Better reasons than that? Please?
My Awesome Craft Blog
My other blog
I think a lot of people have that post-wedding lull and they have nothing big to plan etc so they automatically think a baby is a good way to fill that "hole" (for lack of a better word).
That said, plenty of people TTC at all ages and at all stages of a relationship. It really is up to you and your husband when it is right for you.
If you are ready then dont listen to what people say. Im 27 and most people i meet think im to young to have a kid, ive been married for 2.5 years.
If you can afford it and are ready for you whole life to be turned upside down then go for it.
(Sorry if I'm slow at replying! I'm new at the boards even though I've been a member for a while lol)
And yes, we do have more reasons than "because we're happy." We already know we can give our children an even better life than we had. We know people, some in their early 20's and some into their 30's, who have kids and aren't in the best situations. We feel blessed to be where we are in life so far...and we definitely aren't going to start trying until we're 100% sure its the right decision for us.
But there are still a lot of people who judge based on age alone..and I know I shouldn't let that bother me and I never realized that caring what others think could also be a factor, thanks for pointing that out
If you care, you're too young, and I say this as someone who's considered very young.
DH and I got married at 22, by the time I was 23 I was so ready. I was already hanging out here. But we weren't in a good place yet, DH was still in grad school, we weren't financially secure. Two years later, we're in a MUCH better place and I'm really glad we waited.
That said, if we had been where we are now two years ago, there would've been nothing wrong with trying then. It's all about who you are and if you're in a good place.
I don't know that I can completely agree with everyone who says that if you're paranoid about people thinking you're too young that means that you are too young. I'm worried about people saying I'm too young, even though I'm not that young at all. But I wouldn't let it influence my decision one way or another.
I had my first at 23, my second at 25 and my third is due this year when I'll be 27. Too young? Obviously not.
BUT some days I wish we'd saved up more pre-kids, some days I wish we'd lived a little more pre-kids. I love my kids and don't regret my decision at all but it can be tough when all your friends are waiting. Most of my friends my age are just getting married now and thinking of TTC in the next year or two. Meanwhile I will have 3 soon. So it's kinda isolating. I go to Mom's groups and it seems like I'm the youngest BY FAR. These aren't bad things, things that would make me say I was too young, but might be worth considering.
{ Jack 4.8.09 & Rose 10.24.07 }
Silly Hilly! Welcome back! I haven't seen you in a while! Or have I just missed you?
OP: I had #1 at 22 and #2 at 24, though #1 was a surprise. Too young? maybe, maybe not. I am back in grad school and a lot of my classmates are 26,27 ish and WAY too young to have kids of their own. Age is a number, but maturity is very different.
That being said, I wish we would have had a couple more years before we had kids. Time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, career wise. (I figured it out after the kids, so now I'm back in school) Time to pay off our student loans. Just time to be a couple without kids for a while. I love my kids, but I'd be lying if I wasn't a little jealous of my friends who waited to have kids.
Baby # 2 edd 11/26/08 - Ezra Jacob born 11/29/08, 9 lbs 6 oz., 21 3/4 in
Baby #3 edd 05/04/13 - Titus Jude born 05/01/13, 9 lb 5 oz. 21.5 in
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Yeah, I've been researching and on so many baby websites already lol. My husband is also in grad school (forgot to mention!) while working full-time, but it is completely online and just 1 or 2 classes at a time. Another reason why we should maybe wait, but I'm still home all the time and his online classes are very flexible so I really don't think it will be too much of an issue. And thanks, I was starting to feel a little guilty about even thinking what if I'm too young!
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
Thanks, this helps a lot too
I've considered going to mom's groups after I'm a mom to make more friends that have kids. I've already grown apart from many of my friends because they go out and party all the time and I've never really been into that. I've also considered maybe we should save a little more too because after baby expenses we might not have much left over to save for their college right away...unless they are smart like their daddy and get a scholarship! lol! Can't count on that though...
Oh and congrats to you and everyone on your new little ones!
This. Really no matter when you have kids someone will have an issue with your timing. I was 21 when I got married, 24 when I got pregnant with #1. I'm now 26 and expecting #2. I have had plenty of people question if we were really "old enough" to get married or have kids, but I personally have never questioned our age. We knew we were ready and feel like our timing was perfect. If you're bothered by the age question, than maybe you need to wait and think it through a bit more.
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I've also been thinking about going back to school because I can't find a job in the field I got my certificate in. But I don't know what I would go back for yet, the only thing I know for sure is that I would like to be a mom. Hmm... maybe I should wait then...but there's still this part of me that doesn't want to wait.
For some people 23 is too young. For others it is not.
IF you are questioning it, you probably are too young.
I am 29 and I am so glad we waited. We traveled, bought a house, got jobs in order, and spent some years together as a couple.
It is up to you when you have kids, but it is like losing your virginity. Once you do it, there is no going back.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
I like the virginity quote...that actually helps a lot!
This was us. We got married when we were 22 but didn't even start thinking about kids for 4 or 5 years. DD (our first) was born 5 days after our 6 year anniversary. We were 28. Like you we weren't partiers, had a house, financially stable, blah blah blah. But we still wanted a few years to be carefree, travel, and go eat at nice restaurants whenever we wanted without a babysitter.
Now that we have 2 kids I'm glad we did - because while WONDERFUL, parenting is a 24/7 job that requires a lot of sacrifice. It is more than you can imagine. I'm glad we got some time to be selfish and spend money and just focus on one-another and our pets for a few years. I can now really focus on our babies and when I see young couples dressed up to go out as I am in my jammies putting my kids down I have ZERO regrets or jealousy. DH and I have fond memories of "those days" but were ready to move on.