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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Can we talk about something really serious?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can we talk about something really serious?
You know what? Thanks for asking this. DH and I really need to talk about this.
I would say my brother and his wife, at this point. I just don't think I want to put the responsibility on either set of grandparents.
The two men in my life. Oh, and I have a husband too...
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Ugh. I hate this question because I don't have an answer.
There are a couple of people that DH and I both agree would be fabulous at raising him. Unfortunately for very different reasons, we are pretty sure they would not want to (or it would be very difficult for them).
On the other hand, the people who seem like the most obvious choices are not people we would want to raise him, largely due to starkly different parenting philosophies.
There's also a family drama issue -- concern that one side of the family will be hurt (or make a big deal) because they weren't "chosen."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
SIL gets both DS and DD. If not her, then BIL. Speaking of which, we need to update our will and send SIL a new copy now that DD is here.
I am an only child, so it definitely narrowed our choices. But SIL is awesome and I love her, so she really is the perfect choice.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
if both H and I were to die while his parents are still young and active enough to take care of her, they would get LO in a heart beat.
In a few years, if BIL and/or SIL mature and marry and settle down, they would be 2nd in line behind ILs.
Right now, I'm planning to ask my best friend and her husband if they would be 2nd in line for now until BIL or SIL marry and settle (they're both younger than us). Once BIL or SIL marry/settle, Best friend would move to third in line. I hope that they agree to do that. I love my mom very much but there's no way in hell I'd ever let her have custody of LO.
We also have substantial life insurance policies, and although the bulk of it would go into a trust for LO, whoever gets custody of her would get an amount every year to cover her expenses/costs of raising her/etc.
DH's brother.
Which has really pissed off MIL. She had four boys and would "just love tohave little girls of her own, should the opportunity present itself."
DH and I assumed this meant she would kill us off if we left them to her. Plus, my parents/side of the family would mever get to see them- MIL would be a baby-hog for all of the holidays. This we know for sure.
We need to write out a will in this event. I'm frightened my IL's would try for custody. Not so much for the fact that we don't have a wonderful relationship, but because they think we're taboo, too modern in parenting. I do not like that my child would be in actual danger with them.
My Flickr
Can I ask a couple of questions of those who have chosen someone?
1. Did parenting philosophy enter into it, or just family ties?
2. Do the people you chose know?
3. Do others (the "unchosen") know?
This. I also think DH and I would get into it because I would like my parents to be the guardians, and he would want his mom to. I think it will be a shiitstorm when we decided to talk about it.
My parents, I only have one sister and she already has two kids- she wouldn't know what to do with herself with 4 kids.
SO's mom is waaaaaay too busy with his younger sister(14) to worry about babes.
1. Did parenting philosophy enter into it, or just family ties?
Both. For one, we want our children to stay as close to our families as possible. (Not geographically, but in relationship terms.) My SIL is the same religion we are, has mostly the same philosophies about vaxing, discipline, etc, and she loves our children. I can't imagine a better spot for them to be in.
2. Do the people you chose know?
Of course. We asked SIL (and BIL, who is the listed backup) before we wrote it into the will. We also had a copy made for her, so that she has it if anything happens to us. It also states that if we are unable to make a decision for medical reasons(say, in a coma from a car wreck), SIL is their legal guardian. So we wanted her to have a copy of the legal document so she wouldn't have to hunt through our house to find it.
3. Do others (the "unchosen") know?
Yes. My parents and MIL were a little unhappy. But they understand. We wanted someone who was about our age. Our parents are over 50, and in the upcoming years we don't know how they will be health wise or if they would want the responsibility of having children at that age. They all are close to SIL, so there won't be a big deal about visiting.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." -Unknown
Married 3-1-08 | Nathan 11-24-08 | Kaelyn 11-30-10 | Alicia 8-17-13
My sister and her wife, without a doubt.
They plan to adopt all of their children, including school age children and sibling groups out of foster care. We like that DS would never feel like an "outsider" in such a blended family.
Yes, I believe my other 2 sisters and DH's 3 siblings all know.
LOVE your siggy pic! So cute!
My sister and her soon to be husband. We all talked about it, they're in it 150%.
puggles go to my parents. good luck to the dogs.
My brother and SIL would get DS. They live the closest, so he would still be near my parents, and could go to the same school (if he were school age).
A few weeks after finding out I was pregnant, a high school classmate was killed in a car accident with his DS in the car with him. The DS was completely fine. Him and the mother of the child were engaged but not married, and she didn't get along with his mom so she took the little dude and moved across the country. I was so emotional about it all that I decided to set up my plan just in case. I wanted it to be very clear what I wanted for K if something were to happen to me.