S/O marriage age: Living together before marriage.

Noreen and Chris · March 2011

We did. We moved in together May 2006 and got engaged June 2006 but didn't actually buy a house or buy anything together until we were married. We kind of moved in together as a test run and it worked out haha.

JennV514 · March 2011

Sure did. Dated for 9 months, moved in together, got engaged a year later, married/baby 9 months after that.

kda217 · March 2011

We moved in together 8 months after we started dating. After living in an apartment for 1.5 years, we looked at houses. I bought the house but he moved into it with me. Before our wedding, we lived together for 5.5 years.

cburitz · March 2011

We lived together before we got married.

saccidananda108 · March 2011

we moved in together when I was 24 and DH was about to turn 29. We had already been dating for over 2 years, got engaged a few months after we moved in together and then got married 2 years after that (I was 27, DH was 32).

mp1320 · March 2011

we moved in at 6 months and lived together till we got married which was 5 years later. I'm glad we did, we got to know what pushes our buttons and how to handle eachother.

Steven&Jamie · March 2011

Nope, we didn't live together before we got married. We were together 3 years before getting married and spent weekends with each other, but we both agreed that we wouldn't live together until we were married.

DH lived with an ex previously and once said that he realized that living together was just "playing house"---that living together didn't necessarily mean the relationship meant more or was a preparation for marriage. <----based on his experience only, of course. For me, I was brought up to not live together before marriage, and I just didn't see a reason to move in together unless we were married.

mbritto4 · March 2011

Yes. Got engaged my junior year of college. He was a year ahead of me and his first job and my internship that year ended up being at the same IT building for an auto supplier. His apartment was way closer so I lived with him, which made my Mom livid. Then I finished my senior year at purdue and moved back with him since we were getting married that august. We found a house in July and he gutted the kitchen after work the whole month before the wedding. About 2 weeks before the wedding my Mom insisted I move home (about an hour away) since we were getting married up there and there were last minute wedding things to do.

Firefly9 · March 2011

damabo80:
Oh, my...YES.

For me, I wanted to "test drive the goods" before I married the goods.

We had even bought a house together before we were married (it was a good investment at the time).

However, according to my traditional Italian grandma, I was a virgin and living with sorority sisters all those years. My dad thought she would have a heart attack if she knew any differently....

Haha, yes, pretty much exactly this. You learn a LOT about a person by living with them. Try before you buy, if you ask me--not so much the sex part, but knowing if you can stand living together. Luckily, we are very compatible.

My grandmother also has no idea. She thinks I lived on my own and then he moved stuff into my apartment around wedding time, then we both moved out again to the house we bought. She also has no idea that I had male roommates (just roommates, nothing more) during college.

TristaD81 · March 2011

Dated for one year, then lived together for 5 years before we got married.

ShannonMacHappy · March 2011

We did, for almost 5 years, starting in college. I can't imagine not living with him first ... living with people is hard, and an important lesson to learn. However, I think if I had not met DH so young, we might not have lived together for so long before marriage. We were married at 26, but had been together since we were 18.

COMomma81 · March 2011

We didn't live together prior to marriage either. A lot of people thought we were nuts, but we have no regrets!

Firefly9 · March 2011

damabo80:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:

Nope.

ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.

For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.

I totally agree with the "to each their own"...I figure the living/not living isn't adversely affecting the public at large, so there's no "right" decision that is right for all people.

But, I wanted to comment on the bolded part above. For us, the first year of marriage was easy breezy. We kept hearing "oh, marriage changes EVERYTHING"...but it really didn't at all (for us). The hardest part of the first year was getting my last name changed on all my stuff.

Honestly, being married and not being married felt the exact same (just with more jewelry). I wonder if adding marriage to a new living arrnagement (at the same time) makes it more difficult that first year than not? It would be an interesting study, regardless.

I'm going to agree with you again here--the first year of marriage was a breeze (it still is), it wasn't much different than our relationship had been previous to that. We didn't have to adjust to much; sure, we were in a house instead of an apartment, but we knew what to expect from each other, how clean/messy the other person was, what kind of habits they had, etc. The first year we lived together before we got married wasn't all that different from dating, though, either, because we spent a ton of time together.

Did it make the first year of marriage any less special? Absolutely not. While I wouldn't encourage my children to live with girlfriends/boyfriends too early on in life or too early on in a relationship, if they decided that was the right decision for them after college and after they'd been dating awhile, I'd have no objection. My parents were fine with it when I told them DH and I were moving in together.

e_uecker · March 2011

We did. I'm glad we did too. You just learn so much about someone and your relationship does change when you are living together. I needed that before taking a step like marriage. I do think the whole first night in your house together would be neat. Just not for me.

ShannonMacHappy · March 2011

damabo80:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:

Nope.

ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.

For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.

I totally agree with the "to each their own"...I figure the living/not living isn't adversely affecting the public at large, so there's no "right" decision that is right for all people.

But, I wanted to comment on the bolded part above. For us, the first year of marriage was easy breezy. We kept hearing "oh, marriage changes EVERYTHING"...but it really didn't at all (for us). The hardest part of the first year was getting my last name changed on all my stuff.

Honestly, being married and not being married felt the exact same (just with more jewelry). I wonder if adding marriage to a new living arrnagement (at the same time) makes it more difficult that first year than not? It would be an interesting study, regardless.

I would be curious about this too. First year (and subsequent years) of marriage have not been hard for us. We already knew each other so well (partly because we lived together, but also because we'd been together for so long). The hardest part of our relationship so far was the 2 years I was in grad school and DH (then BF) lived in another town. That was not so much fun, and, at times, quite a struggle.

kjr · March 2011

Yep. Dh was 17 and I was 19 when we moved in together. We got married when I was 27 and he was 25.

I am now 33 and he is 31.

MrsCoco0610 · March 2011

Yes. We bought a house, moved in, got engaged a year later, and then married a year after that.

JessandIgli · March 2011

Yes- after we had been together for 4 years and engaged for a year. We were going to wait, but then decided to move in together 7 months before the wedding because we just figured it would be less stressful than trying to find a place right before the wedding.

ETA: Just wanted to add that I completely understand waiting till after and find the notion romantic to come home from your honeymoon and finally join your lives together as husband and wife. That being said, in my particular situation, I'm so happy I didn't wait. I came from living with my parents and he was living with a roomate. After we found a place and moved in together we had nothing but a bedroom set. It took around 2 months to completely furnish and decorate the place. It was such a stressful time, I'm so happy when I got home from my honeymoon I didn't have to deal with that.

dlschloesser · March 2011

Yep, took a huge leap and moved in together after dating for 4 months. Luckily it worked out! A year after that we relocated to another state and got engaged about 8 months after that. We lived together another year and a half before getting married and buying out house.

outlandartist · March 2011

We lived together. My parents nearly disowned me. I had my own apartment the first 10 months, but 90% of the time I spent the night as his place he shared with his sister and her BF, I later moved into that place. Then we bought a house together before we were engaged, I know, I'm one of the crazy ones. But we both knew the commitment was there. We regret buying now, house nearly 50% underwater, but who could have known? That's another issue for another day.

Thankfully I had a cool grandma who accepted my nontraditional choices, she herself moved in with a man a few years after grandpa died at a young age. Funny though, years later my disapproving mother had no problem with my younger sister moving across the country to move in with her long distance BF she'd only met in person twice (they ended up getting married).

Steven&Jamie · March 2011

ShannonMacHappy:
damabo80:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:

Nope.
ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.
For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.
I totally agree with the "to each their own"...I figure the living/not living isn't adversely affecting the public at large, so there's no "right" decision that is right for all people.
But, I wanted to comment on the bolded part above. For us, the first year of marriage was easy breezy. We kept hearing "oh, marriage changes EVERYTHING"...but it really didn't at all (for us). The hardest part of the first year was getting my last name changed on all my stuff.
Honestly, being married and not being married felt the exact same (just with more jewelry). I wonder if adding marriage to a new living arrnagement (at the same time) makes it more difficult that first year than not? It would be an interesting study, regardless.
I would be curious about this too. First year (and subsequent years) of marriage have not been hard for us. We already knew each other so well (partly because we lived together, but also because we'd been together for so long). The hardest part of our relationship so far was the 2 years I was in grad school and DH (then BF) lived in another town. That was not so much fun, and, at times, quite a struggle.

FWIW, we didn't live together before we got married and I still think the first year of marriage was easy and we had a lot of fun getting used to living together (we're still having fun, of course Wink

).

For us, I think it was more difficult before we got married because we lived about 45 minutes apart, so because of our work schedules and distance, we only saw each other on weekends. Although the dating portion was difficult at times, it really helped us make trust and communication the foundation of our relationship.

tweller · March 2011

damabo80:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:

Nope.

ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.

For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.

I totally agree with the "to each their own"...I figure the living/not living isn't adversely affecting the public at large, so there's no "right" decision that is right for all people.

But, I wanted to comment on the bolded part above. For us, the first year of marriage was easy breezy. We kept hearing "oh, marriage changes EVERYTHING"...but it really didn't at all (for us). The hardest part of the first year was getting my last name changed on all my stuff.

Honestly, being married and not being married felt the exact same (just with more jewelry). I wonder if adding marriage to a new living arrnagement (at the same time) makes it more difficult that first year than not? It would be an interesting study, regardless.

This. We got engaged December 2007 and in October of 2008 bought our first home. Then got married January 2010. So we lived together for a little over a year in our own house. We really never had any issues when we first moved in, but I do agree it made our first year of marriage pretty easy because we already knew each others quirks so we didn't have to adjust to them either!

MommySteph2009 · March 2011

No, but we moved in together a few months after getting engaged.

amos07 · March 2011

We moved in together in July 2006 and got married May 2007.

AmyChristine15 · March 2011

CactusGirl:
we were one of those crazies that bought a house before being engaged.

Ditto! We dated for 8 months before buying a house together. But I've known him since high school, and we knew each other were "the one"... so it wasn't too scary for us!

Saltina11 · March 2011

I agree with Leah.Maria that there's not necessarily a need to test the goods. And I also agree with her on the "to each their own" philosophy. That actually shows what a good Christian she is because she isn't judging others.

That being said, I did live with my husband before we were married. I bought a house. For us, it just made more financial sense that he paid ME rent rather than a stranger. We were also older though (30 and 28 when we moved in together). I feel like that might make a difference, at least for some people. If I were very young, like 22 when getting married, I might have waited until marriage to move in with him.

Temp856430000003146 · March 2011

Nope. We also didn't have sex before we got married. Surprise

graceb15 · March 2011

We live together now and aren't yet married (very soon though). We did the long distance relationship thing for about a year and a half and just spent weekends together, so we really look forward to living together and actually getting to see each other every day.

I respect either way, but I personally think its important to live together beforehand just because living together is a whole different situation and you learn a whole lot more about each other that way I think.

We also bought a house before we were engaged (we did get engaged a few months later though).

caraleeb · March 2011

We lived together for 10 years before we got married!

Im 29 now we got married about 1 1/2 years ago

littleprettyx · March 2011

damabo80:
Mrs.Leah.Maria:

Nope.

ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.

For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.

I totally agree with the "to each their own"...I figure the living/not living isn't adversely affecting the public at large, so there's no "right" decision that is right for all people.

But, I wanted to comment on the bolded part above. For us, the first year of marriage was easy breezy. We kept hearing "oh, marriage changes EVERYTHING"...but it really didn't at all (for us). The hardest part of the first year was getting my last name changed on all my stuff.

Honestly, being married and not being married felt the exact same (just with more jewelry). I wonder if adding marriage to a new living arrnagement (at the same time) makes it more difficult that first year than not? It would be an interesting study, regardless.

Glad you said this, we felt the same way. aside from taxes being a little more complicated it was exactly the same as the year before we got married.

hcdekarske · March 2011

We lived together for a year before we got engaged and then eventually married. It just made sense for us at the time. We both owned a home, he had been married and wanted to be married again, I was old enough to know I was ready (28) to be married, so we decided to do it. Fiancially it made good sense. I am glad we did.

joshandbrittney · March 2011

Nope...I lived at home while DH was finishing college and saving money for the honeymoon...:) Neither one of us had EVER had sex until our wedding night..:) And so far, our first 2 years together have been sheer bliss!!! I love being married!!

Sparla1027 · March 2011

The first three months we were long distance, and when he moved to Michigan we literally spent every single night together.

We moved in together but only after I made it clear I was not doing this unless a ring was in the NEAR future (we had been talking about it since about 6 months in to our relationship). 2 months later we were engaged.

After another 9 months we bought a house, 10 months later we were married, and 2 month later I was pregnant!

May seem like a fast track- we have been together 3 1/2 years total- but I am 30 and he is 33, so I think we both really knew what we wanted.

x0stephanie · March 2011

We were bad, we did. I just wanted to move out of my parents house... so moving in with him seemed like a logical option.

As I got older I felt bad about it so we got married as soon as we were able.

KatiKM · March 2011

Nope

marchbride32407 · March 2011

No we didn't. We stayed over at each other's places before marriage, but didn't live together. It's something we both felt pretty strongly about. I still feel like I knew his quirks though and honestly adjusting to living with him really wasn't bad. Our first year (and subsequent years) have been great.

Oct08b2bee · March 2011

Yes, we lived together for one year prior to getting married.

jesstellina · March 2011

Mrs.Leah.Maria:
Nope.
ETA: To me it's like the less/more of a surprise argument in when one finds out the sex regarding needing to "test drive" the goods. To each their own.
For us though, in addition to our faith determining our living apart before marriage, neither of us felt it necessary to make sure we really loved each other through dirty dishes and laundry habits. The first year of marriage is usually hard, regardless. We didn't learn much about each other that wasn't previously known.

Same here. I don't regret it at all that we didn't live together before we got married. It never even crossed our minds.

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