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Single Parents
Why didn't I just wait?!
Now I REALLY know why you should wait to have sex until marriage. You
could end up with a douche bag for the child's father. It's amazing how
great guys can be in the beginning but when trouble arises, they're
gone. My child's sperm donor wants me to put the baby up for adoption. I
said absolutely not. He then went on to say that the child would not
have everything it needed and would have a bad life, which is NOT true.
I'd love to tell him to get lost, but I don't want my child to be
without a father because of me. I should have been so much smarter!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why didn't I just wait?!
What are the reasons he is suggesting adoption? What are you plans in terms of working when the baby arrives? How strong is your support system? Are you able to care for your child?
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Why are guys always evil douchebags the moment they offer a viable, legal safe option?
But if you waited till marriage, you could end up marrying the douchebag. Then he would be a lot harder to get rid of! Hopefully he decides to man up and take care of his child. If not, thats his loss. Sometimes its not worth having that man in your childs life.
This. Not every guy is ready to be a dad and he was being honest, If its not an option for you, ok. He can pay child support but he doesn't have to be involved. Maybe its better off he not be physically involved.
How old are you? Because you sound very young. The lesson to take from this isn't "don't have sex before marriage." It's "don't get involved with a jerk."
As for being a single mother, how do you KNOW you have an amazing support system. What are they willing to do to support you and your baby? Provide a place to live? Pay medical bills? Provide free daycare? These are questions you need to ask, ASAP. There's a big difference between a friend who is willing to listen to you complain about how hard being a mom is and a friend who is willing to babysit on a regular basis to give you a break.
You say you are looking for a better paying job. Have you looked into childcare at all? Do you know how much daycare costs for an infant? Hint: I paid nearly $1200 a month for a very good daycare center when my daughter was an infant. Do you have health insurance? If not, how will you pay for maternity care and the birth? Will you have maternity leave? If you don't have paid time off for maternity leave, will you have enough money to take off work long enough to give birth and recover?
As for your baby's father, you can sue him for child support, but depending on your state, you might have a hard time actually collecting it. Whether or not he pays child support has no bearing on his right to see his child. You can tell him to get lost, but the reality is that if you have this baby and choose to parent, you may be stuck with him for the rest of your life. Let's say he grows up and decides that he does want to be involved in his child's life. Or perhaps he decides that being involved in his child's life is a good way to piss you off. Chances are, you're going to be packing up a diaper bag and sending your little one off for unsupervised weekend visits with Daddy, whether you like it or not. I've watched a friend's custody issues with her ex drag on for more than three years, as he finds new ways to skip out on child support but demand the right to see his child. If you want to know just how big of a douche a guy can be over custody, visitation and child support, I can tell you some horror stories.
I guess at this point, I have to wonder why you're having a child with this man. You hate him, you regret the relationship, and it doesn't sound like you've done much research into what being a single parent will really entail. So why aren't you considering adoption? It's not about what's best for you, it's about what's best for the baby.