MIL buying special dresses...

Singingmama · March 2011

Ok ladies, I've had a day or two of completely MIL craziness and I want to make sure that I'm in the right about something. First of all, there are many issues with my MIL. Second of all, this is a minor one, but is kind of the "icing" to all the other issues....

MIL bought DD a beautiful little dress. It's very cute and it's in a 12 month size, which will most likely not fit come Easter, since she's already growing out of a majority of her 12 month clothing. So, I email MIL and told her "thank you for the dress, I hope that there will be a day warm enough for her to wear it, before she outgrows it."

Well, MIL wrote back: "That dress IS NOT for just "some day", it's for Easter. She needs to wear it on Easter."

hmmmm...

Do I not get to pick my daughter's Easter dress???

kimberleigh30 · March 2011

Just write her back and say thanks but I went out over the weekend and got her Easter Dress.

My MIL gave me an outfit at my shower and she said it was his "coming home from the hospital outfit". Needless to say he did not come home in that.

Coxity · March 2011

My mother went nuts on Christmas dresses in the same way. I like the way that you handled it. Perhaps take her for a quick portrait in the dress and send a big copy to MIL? That way the dress is "documented for posterity." If it doesn't fit on Easter, there's nothing you can do about it, you know?

ohfour · March 2011

I would just wear it on DD and take pictures of her in it, send it to MIL, then wear what you want on Easter. Maybe she should have asked first if it was so important to her for LO to wear it on Easter.

anna7602 · March 2011

You need to pick your battles. You can either write back and say "Easter is still over a month away and I'm afraid this won't fit her by then, but thank you so much for the thoughtfulness" or "Oh, I didn't realize that, I already bought her an Easter dress." Only you know how she will react to either of the two statements above and how the conversation will continue.

I have a different issue with MIL- she likes to be the giver of the "big" birthday or Christmas present. DH finally had to have a talk with her and I still don't think she gets it, so now I;m just trying to deal with the fact that this is how it's going to be and I should just be grateful that it saves me some money.

JLG95 · March 2011

PP is right on. Take a pic with your DD in it right now. Wait a few weeks and tell MIL that:

1. You loved the dress, blah, blah, blah, but she outgrew it.

2. You had to go out and buy a new one that fits.

3. Here's copy of a photo you took before she outgrew it. Isn't DD lovely? She's so cute in pastels... blah blah blah.

4. I love you, mom.

PiRSquared330 · March 2011

My mom and MIL have bought everyone of her special dresses. I love it because that means I don't have to pay for it.

But if it bothers you that much, tell her (or have H do it). But I agree that you also need to think about what battles are worth it to you.

PoseyMamma · March 2011

MIL has done this for Easter too. I just told her that DD already had an Easter dress which she does. She got it for her birthday. But like PP said take a picture and give it to her or if you really like the dress she is you can exchange it for a bigger size if you don't like the dress then I wouldn't worry about it and MIL will get over it and if she doesn't not your problem this is your child not hers. She had her fun dressing your DH up so now she needs to let you have your fun IMO.

shoeboxx · March 2011

I agree with everyone, lol.

Just tell her you appreciate the dress, but you will be choosing her Easter dress. To put icing on the cake, let her know the dress will most likely be too small for Easter. This may help difuse the situation some, tell her if she's like, she can buy the dress for Good Friday.

rnfromtn · March 2011

It's not too late to make it an "Ash Wednesday" dress.

JulieandBen · March 2011

I would lie. I would say thank you for the beautiful dress but I already have her Eater dress picked out. It's one of the joys of being her mommy. Thank you again for thinking of daughter. I'll put her in it fir church this Sunday.

melody921 · March 2011

anna7602:

I have a different issue with MIL- she likes to be the giver of the "big" birthday or Christmas present. DH finally had to have a talk with her and I still don't think she gets it, so now I;m just trying to deal with the fact that this is how it's going to be and I should just be grateful that it saves me some money.

My MIL is like this too. I think it's ridiculous, as she doesn't have all that extra money to spend. This past Christmas looked like friggin' Santa's workshop. Then, for his birthday, she got him a really nice wagon, but didn't stop there, clothes and money were involved too. I really think it's overkill.

As for OP and the dress, if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. I like the idea of taking her pic in it now and sending her a copy. At the end of the day, parents get the final say on what their kids wear and when.

wtiger9 · March 2011

PiRSquared330:

My mom and MIL have bought everyone of her special dresses. I love it because that means I don't have to pay for it.

But if it bothers you that much, tell her (or have H do it). But I agree that you also need to think about what battles are worth it to you.

This. I can't afford to buy all the special outfits, but I want him to have something nice so I appreciate it when my step mom goes shopping.

SailorGray · March 2011

Just say you already got her one, but that you appreciate the thought. If she gets mad, oh well.

My Mom would do this a lot with my niece and I finally had to remind her that my SIL prob wanted to pick out some of her special dresses. My Mom never even thought of it that way and has since backed off. Maybe she just needs your H to give her a gentle reminder that picking Easter outfits is one of the perks of having a little girl.

daisydana · March 2011

I was just talking about my DD's Easter dress yesterday. I didn't get to pick it out. My SIL bought it for her for Christmas. She even said, "It's for Easter!" when she gave it to her. I was so bummed that I didn't get to pick it out, but I also know she was clueless that I would feel that way.

Send your MIL an email or a note thanking her again and forget it. Dress her in whatever you want on Easter and tell her after that her dress didn't fit her. You said it wont, right? It won't be a lie even.

vmm0016 · March 2011

My mom does this all the time! She usually asked me before she buys it but she loves her grandkids so much and doesn't really spend money on anything else. So, I usually say it is okay. Right now Keira has 3 dresses she can wear for Christmas! I told my mom she only needs one dress and she said "She can wear them to different parties." Yes, because we go to so many Christmas parties (we go to one christmas party a year). Oh well, I know she means well so I just take them and try to get Keira in them before she outgrows them.

frenziedmomma · March 2011

This sounds so familiar. My MIL bought me a "coming home" outfit (which wasn't) and other things that to me are 'parent privileges'. She is the only relative that seems to have trouble understanding the differences between being a child's parent and being their grandparent.

AwBeth · March 2011

I feel your pain. My MIL bought DD's Easter dress OVER a month ago! I didn't even have a chance to buy one first. She didn't ask or anything. And then she said, "I guess I should have called you first to see if you'd like that one." Yeah, at the very least. I just grinned and beared it. It's not worth hurting her feelings and starting drama for me.

goldenleaves · March 2011

PiRSquared330:

My mom and MIL have bought everyone of her special dresses. I love it because that means I don't have to pay for it.

My mom and MIL are the same way and I love it for the same reasons. But I also have no problem saying thanks but I've chosen his outfit. I really cared about the "firsts" but MIL bought Ryan a REALLY cute suit to wear on Easter and I honestly don't care that I didn't pick it out.

Coxity · March 2011

Another interesting perspective is to borrow from current wedding trends and just have her wear more than one dress on Easter. A bride can wear a ceremony gown and a reception gown...Your dress can be the "we're out in public and my daughter is so cute" gown and MIL's dress can be the "we just got home and it's nap time" gown. Wink

Baby0322 · March 2011

Singingmama:
..
: "That dress IS NOT for just "some day", it's for Easter. She needs to wear it on Easter."

Her writing that back is what would have pissed me off. I would have said, " I'm sorry but I already bought her a Easter dress".

kimfoley88 · March 2011

I'm late to the game, but I wouldn't say anything and then on Easter my DD would be wearing a dress that I had picked out, and I would tell MIL that DD had a blow out or something and couldn't wear the dress she got her.

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