Does anyone NOT like being a SAHM?

marrymemylove · October 2008

We all have different reasons of course. Some of us have to (childcare too expensive to non existent or reasonable hours of work non-existent). Some of us feel obliged to because we feel its best for the kids. Some really want to. Some of us just expect that's what you do. I'm sure there's a million reasons.

?I stayed home with DS for 18 months because we had no childcare (on a waiting list). I have to say I really hated it. It was the most isolating, soul destroying, boring depressing thing I've ever done with my life. Worse than 10 hour days date-stamping medical records as a holiday job when I was 18.

?Now I am a SAHM again and its ok. DS is old enough to actually do stuff and play by himself a bit. But I am still looking forward to getting back to work now we've found child care for the new year. Really REALLY looking forward to it.

?What were your reasons? Are you happy as a SAHM? How much??

?

citygirl_ · October 2008

I've never been happier. I SAH because my husband and I both agree that I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare. Also, financially, it makes sense, which is a bonus. I truly believe I was meant to be a SAHM/homemaker. It just fits for me!

drunkenwife · October 2008

It has its ups and downs. It's not all sunshine and roses every day, but as a whole I like it. Now, having said that, I am definitely looking forward to getting my master's degree so that I can start working again in a year or two.

marrymemylove · October 2008

citygirl_:
I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare.

?In general you have a point citygirl, some people's preferences (both for themselves and their children) fit with being a SAHM. But don't you think the quote above is pretty offensive to those using full time childcare by choice?

?I've done both - I stayed home for 18 months, did full time daycare for a year and now am home again (for probably 6 months). In no way was daycare raising DS when he was going there every day. Yes they had the opportunity to contribute to or undermine our upbringing - that's the difference between good and bad daycare - but they were never bringing him up. What an offensive and outlandish statement.

?It is equivalent to me saying that a child would be better off with trained early childhood teachers than with an ignorant teenage stay at home mum. Totally unfounded and offensive to boot.?

?Anyway I was just looking for someone else who isn't enamoured of being a SAHM even when it is what you are doing and throwing all efforts into doing your best at (as I certainly did).

GSDlover · October 2008

I love it.

HarrietNJMommy · October 2008

I love it! It's not for everyone though - that is true.

I chose to be a SAHM. We can afford to have me go back to work and put our kids in daycare (even #3 that's coming in December), but it's what I wanted to do. I am glad I had the option of staying at home or going back to work.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are MANY days when I want to gouge my eyes out with a fork and put in earplugs, but overall, I wouldn't trade it for the world!?

HarrietNJMommy · October 2008

Oh, and I agree that citygirl's statement was very harsh, and I'm a SAHM.?

I believe that you should be happy with your choice - daycare vs. SAHM or other. A happy mom (and dad) is what makes a good family. If that means that you are better when you are working, then that's the choice that's right for your family.

Daycare is not the devil. It may not be the choice for some, but it's a great choice for others.?

citygirl_ · October 2008

marrymemylove:

citygirl_:
I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare.

In general you have a point citygirl, some people's preferences (both for themselves and their children) fit with being a SAHM. But don't you think the quote above is pretty offensive to those using full time childcare by choice?

I've done both - I stayed home for 18 months, did full time daycare for a year and now am home again (for probably 6 months). In no way was daycare raising DS when he was going there every day. Yes they had the opportunity to contribute to or undermine our upbringing - that's the difference between good and bad daycare - but they were never bringing him up. What an offensive and outlandish statement.

It is equivalent to me saying that a child would be better off with trained early childhood teachers than with an ignorant teenage stay at home mum. Totally unfounded and offensive to boot.

Anyway I was just looking for someone else who isn't enamoured of being a SAHM even when it is what you are doing and throwing all efforts into doing your best at (as I certainly did).

Thanks for misquoting me. I said MY HUSBAND AND I FEEL before that line you quoted.

citygirl_ · October 2008

marrymemylove:

citygirl_:
I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare.

In general you have a point citygirl, some people's preferences (both for themselves and their children) fit with being a SAHM. But don't you think the quote above is pretty offensive to those using full time childcare by choice?

I've done both - I stayed home for 18 months, did full time daycare for a year and now am home again (for probably 6 months). In no way was daycare raising DS when he was going there every day. Yes they had the opportunity to contribute to or undermine our upbringing - that's the difference between good and bad daycare - but they were never bringing him up. What an offensive and outlandish statement.

It is equivalent to me saying that a child would be better off with trained early childhood teachers than with an ignorant teenage stay at home mum. Totally unfounded and offensive to boot.

Anyway I was just looking for someone else who isn't enamoured of being a SAHM even when it is what you are doing and throwing all efforts into doing your best at (as I certainly did).

And where does a teenage mom come into play here? You asked a question and I answered it. Sorry you didn't get the response you were hoping for. If you want to work, work. If you want to SAH, go ahead. I really couldn't care any less either way.

BubblyToes · October 2008

MMML, I heart you. Just so you know.

Glad to see you back.

Maybride2 · October 2008

I'm going to assume, citygirl, that you also plan to homeschool your children?

Because you certainly don't want a school to raise your children.

By the way, how does your husband feel knowing that technically, since he's not there 24/7, he's not raising your kids either? He's just a paycheck.

VivaAmore · October 2008

citygirl_:
I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare.

citygirl_:
Thanks for misquoting me. I said MY HUSBAND AND I FEEL before that line you quoted.

Because that distinction makes it SO much better. LOL!

BubblyToes · October 2008

VivaAmore:

citygirl_:
I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare.

citygirl_:
Thanks for misquoting me. I said MY HUSBAND AND I FEEL before that line you quoted.

Because that distinction makes it SO much better. LOL!

Yeah, thanks for clearing that up for us citygirl.

ellemoney:) · October 2008

I SAH, too, besides going to school, but CityGirl, I think your comment needs to be re~thought. ?

?

Just because someone has to work or decides to work doesn't necessarily mean daycare is raising their children.

?

Oh the flip side, I will say that when I worked at a daycare a few years ago, there were kids being raised by daycare. ?They were dropped off at 6 when daycare opened, picked up at 6:30 on the dot when daycare closed. ?It was sad.

However, the majority of people don't do this. ?They spend time with their kids and make sure it's them, the parents, that are raising the kids.

?

jenanna · October 2008

I am so sorry you have had such a rough experience. Like many have said, SAH is not for everyone. I hope things get better when you return to work.

I love it. It fits my personality. I love that my schedule is mine (well, dictated by a six month old) and I have time to do all the little things working parents have to squeeze in on the weekends: grocery shopping, errands, cleaning, etc. I am also in an active mom's group which is the key to sanity, also an opportunity for my daughter to be around other kids. I also am very lucky to have friends and most of my family in the area so I can get a break when needed. MIL comes over most Friday nights and my husband and I have the time to go out or just stay home while she plays with the baby.

I do some freelance writing to make extra money and have something just for me. I plan on going back to work someday, not sure when.

In the beginning I worried that my daughter would get bored, but she is a very social child by nature and also plays really well by herself. I will admit that if I had a cranky or high maintenance baby, I would probably not like SAH as much.

DandR · October 2008

My nanny raises my kids...I just pay the bills, provide shelter, am the one my kids cry for when they get hurt, and make sure the nanny follows the way I **would** raise my kids...if I were to raise them....but since I don't.....

happ17 · October 2008

Not for nothing, but some of us don?t have the option to SAH, or let alone come home early, so the ?kid?s in day care all day? comment isn?t really fair. We?re out of the house for 12 hours a day. Not by choice. Nanny stays with him now, but you can bet once he starts daycare next year, he?ll be there from 6:30-7 to 6-6:30. And we?re not the least bit happy about it.

knmommy · October 2008

I SAH except for about 8 hrs per week. I WISH I could work at least part time. I don't think that I personally could stand to drop my DC off at DC at 6:30 am and pick them up at 5:30pm. But it would be nice to have a break from my kids and have some adult interactioin. I look forward to the few hours a week I do go to work. To each her own. You have to do what is best for you and your child. You have to be happy to make your DC happy!

ashleyvc1 · October 2008

Wow, so do you think your friends who put thier kids in daycare are not raising them?

Also are you ready for your school district to raise your children?

Just a very stupid sheltered statement.

gracendantho26 · October 2008

Soul destroying? Wow! You are one dramatic lady.

phoenix74 · October 2008

I forgot why I left this site to begin with until I read this thread. I don't really get why each of us just can't respect the choices of the others. Being SAH doesn't work for everyone. And working doesn't work for everyone. I am hoping to strike the balance that's right for ME by doing both and working from home part-time. But that's just me.

Andys_Candy · October 2008

citygirl was just giving her opinion, and i can see where she is coming from....i also FEEL LIKE if i sent my babies to daycare, that someone else would be raising them. that is how I WOULD FEEL....i don't judge anyone else for what they do. i personally would just feel guilty, that's all.

Andys_Candy · October 2008

oh but to answer your question yes, i'm happy being a SAHM and i consider myself lucky. but there are some days when yes, it feels "soul destroying" hahaha

DevonPow · October 2008

I had a really tough time being a SAHM for the first 8 months or so. Part was maybe due to some PPD, part due to me missing work (which I NEVER thought would happen), part due to DS being fairly high maitenence....It was tough. The key was really to get OUT of the house. DS and I were in a lot of playgroups, lots of classes, etc. When I was stuck at home I wanted to poke my eyes out.

Now that he is older it is a LOT better, but we still made the decision to put him in daycare 2 days a week - both because I truly think it benefits him (he loves it and things like his language have really taken off since starting) and to preserve my sanity. I think it is a nice balance now.

Alexandra*sMom · October 2008

I worked until DD1 was 18 months. She was really sick in daycare. I decided to SAHM then. I love it. For me, having "Mom events" (MOPs, Moms Club, playgroups, playdates) makes this possible. I would go crazy sitting alone with the kids inside all day. ND winters are so cold and go on forever too!

is_it_over_yet? · October 2008

ashleyvc1:

Wow, so do you think your friends who put thier kids in daycare are not raising them?

Also are you ready for your school district to raise your children?

Just a very stupid sheltered statement.

Stick around and you'll learn that citygirl is a very stupid, sheltered girl. Be sure to ask about her decision to screw her employer on maternity leave.

citygirl_ · October 2008

lolzzz

Oh, come on, people! Please! It came off the wrong way. Ridiculous.

Jaylea · October 2008

How can anyone not know that it's offensive to refer to daycare as raising the children of working mothers? You have to be a complete idiot to "accidentally" say such a thing.

kiliwicket · October 2008

I love being a SAHM. So much that originally my plans were for when the kids started school for me to go back and get my Teacher's Certification since I already have my BFA, and now I'm leaning very heavily into homeschool. I've always wanted to be a SAHM, I don't know why really. My mom worked 2 jobs when I was growing up after her and my dad divorced and my grandmother was caregiver. I have wonderfully close relationship with my grandmother and me and my mom are more like sisters then mother and daughter. Maybe that has something to do with it. ???? But for me, the thought of paying someone else to watch my kids all day for me hurts me. I am NOT saying anything about the people who don't have a choice and need to work, or those that really love their job and want to go back to work. I get it, and I respect it, but this has always been what I wanted to do, personally, when I had a family and I have absolutely no regrets. SAH is not for everyone for loads of reasons, but its definitely for me.

Maybride2 · October 2008

citygirl_:

Oh, come on, people! Please! It came off the wrong way.

Really? Then by all means, please enlighten us all on how it was meant.

citygirl_ · October 2008

I don't know about you, but if I did send my son to daycare, I'd hope they played at least some part in raising him! Otherwise, what is the kid doing all day long? If a kid is with someone x amount of hours each day, they are helping to raise them, no? I never said it was a bad thing or a good thing - it is what it is!

kiliwicket · October 2008

citygirl_:
I don't know about you, but if I did send my son to daycare, I'd hope they played at least some part in raising him! Otherwise, what is the kid doing all day long? If a kid is with someone x amount of hours each day, they are helping to raise them, no? I never said it was a bad thing or a good thing - it is what it is!

I understand you precisely, but I don't think there is a way to explain it without offending someone.

Jaylea · October 2008

citygirl_:
I don't know about you, but if I did send my son to daycare, I'd hope they played at least some part in raising him! Otherwise, what is the kid doing all day long? If a kid is with someone x amount of hours each day, they are helping to raise them, no? I never said it was a bad thing or a good thing - it is what it is!

This isn't what you said before. Helping is one thing, saying they raise the child instead of you is another. Nice way to backpeddle though.

"I've never been happier. I SAH because my husband and I both agree that I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare. "

citygirl_ · October 2008

Yeah, I didn't spell it out in detail; I wrote a quick response. Anything with half a brain could deduce what I was saying. I think some folks are being a weeee bit oversensitive.

Jaylea · October 2008

citygirl_:
Yeah, I didn't spell it out in detail; I wrote a quick response. Anything with half a brain could deduce what I was saying. I think some folks are being a weeee bit oversensitive.

Knowing your history and the way you quit your job, etc. I actually think I have a pretty good idea of where you stand on things. I'm using my whole brain to look at the whole picture.

I assume you'd be oversensitive if your parenting was constantly being questioned by virtue of using a daycare.

cropson · October 2008

I love this debate!! I am a teacher. So while my kids are being raised by daycare, I am raising other people's kids at school. I wonder if I should try to get deductions for all the kids I teach, educate, help, counsel, etc. on my taxes...

For me, it's about my kids. I have two very social little boys. When I am home for three months with them in the summer, they tend to get very bored! Going to school is a great time for them to socialize, get out of the house, learn about other people and their differences, plus understand that rules apply where ever they are.

Maybride2 · October 2008

citygirl_:

Anything with half a brain could deduce what I was saying. I think some folks are being a weeee bit oversensitive.

I can bet that if I listed the reasons that I personally wouldn't want to be a SAHM, you might be a "weeeeee" bit sensitive too.

But I wouldn't do that, because I wouldn't want to offend the other wonderful mothers on this board.

You can think whatever you want, but saying it out loud gives everyone permission to judge you on it and form an opinion of you based on it.

Maybride2 · October 2008

citygirl, you also never answered my questions - how does your husband feel about the fact that he's not raising his children? And will you homeschool so that the school district won't be raising them either?

WineCountryWife · October 2008

citygirl_:
I've never been happier. I SAH because my husband and I both agree that I should be the one at home, raising our son, not a daycare. Also, financially, it makes sense, which is a bonus. I truly believe I was meant to be a SAHM/homemaker. It just fits for me!

Ditto! I've never been happier being home with my daughter - and I can't imagine going back to work full-time . . .

Angela814 · October 2008

Can I just say that I love my fellow parenting nesties. You ladies are the best.

Welcome back MMML. Nice to see you stirring up trouble. Make sure to let us know where you posted so we can join in.

Andrewsgal · October 2008

Welcome back MMML we missed your drama!

Sorry Citygirl you sounded like a total ass. I am curious about your answer to your husband raising your child since he is at work all day?

Want a personalized experience?

Does anyone NOT like being a SAHM?

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