Stuffed elephant and feeling guilty.

MrsAtch · March 2011

I bought a fleece stuffed elephant right after we lost our LO in November. It was a couple of days after our loss and I was at a craft fair with my family, trying to hold it together. I saw it and felt compelled to buy it, even though we obviously weren't going to get to bring our baby home. I was going through some of my baby stuff yesterday and found it, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I'm feeling really guilty that we are pregnant again and moving on. And I'm worried that people will think that we are trying to replace the baby we lost. So I guess it's fitting that I bought an elephant- because an elephant never forgets. Anyone else go through a really guilty stage?

BeeLeigh · March 2011

I too have been going through a feeling guilty episode. I know what you mean by thinking that people may think that we are trying to replace our losses, but the truth of the matter is that will never happen. Losing a pregnancy is devastating to say the least, and there is nothing in the world that can replace the babies we lost. I don't so much care what other people will think or say. I have a lot of people asking when we are going to start trying again, little do they know we are pregnant again. It's almost as if they feel like we should have moved on immediately after our loss. Sometimes I find myself looking in the mirror...I will be 5 weeks tomorrow , it is impossible to tell that I am pregnant by looking at me. Then I start thinking that if I had carried our first baby to term I would be due at the end of April, so I would be huge right now...it is really hard not to feel guilty. I really want to dig out my pregnancy books, but a part of me feels so guilty taking them out of the box I placed them in after our loss. I don't think that there is any amount of time that could go by that would make it any easier. I am thrilled to be pregnant again, but I am also very nervous. I am trying very hard not to let myself get too excited.

lotus88 · March 2011

First, F everybody else and what they think. Second, I don't think anybody would think you're trying to replace the baby you lost with this pregnancy. What are we supposed to do? Wait until we pass our EDDs? Wait a year? We have to move forward, but that doesn't mean we forget our lost LOs. I think an elephant is a beautiful way to remember your lost LOs. You carry them with you in your approach to life now. They have changed you and you appreciate every day as a blessing.

I haven't gone through a guilty stage, but it has been less at 48 hours that I have known. If this pg goes well, I don't know how I'll react coming up to my first EDD. Don't beat yourself up. ((hugs))

unizlinz · March 2011

I know exactly how this feels! I am constantly dealing with the guilt of being pregnant again and moving forward. I, too, have tried to explain to people that this baby is not a replacement for the one I lost...I would give anything to have my little girl back. Not sure if they completely understand.

I personally think it's very normal to have this guilt. The loss of a baby will never go away, the sadness will linger forever. But I agree with the previous poster that you shouldn't beat yourself up. It's perfectly OK to move forward while remembering the past.

As far as the elephant, indeed they don't forget...Maybe you could think of the elephant as a present from your lost little one to your growing little one.

cflocco · March 2011

lotus88:

First, F everybody else and what they think. Second, I don't think anybody would think you're trying to replace the baby you lost with this pregnancy. What are we supposed to do? Wait until we pass our EDDs? Wait a year? We have to move forward, but that doesn't mean we forget our lost LOs. I think an elephant is a beautiful way to remember your lost LOs. You carry them with you in your approach to life now. They have changed you and you appreciate every day as a blessing.

I haven't gone through a guilty stage, but it has been less at 48 hours that I have known. If this pg goes well, I don't know how I'll react coming up to my first EDD. Don't beat yourself up. ((hugs))

Yeah I agree with what Lotus said about F everyone and what they think. I'm just tired of worrying about what other people think.

No one knows how difficult it is to lose a baby unless they have been through it themselves. Don't feel guilty. You are not trying to replace the babies you lost. You are just moving on which is healthy and natural.

{{{{Huge hugs to you buddy!!}}}

butterflynola · March 2011

unizlinz:

I know exactly how this feels! I am constantly dealing with the guilt of being pregnant again and moving forward. I, too, have tried to explain to people that this baby is not a replacement for the one I lost...I would give anything to have my little girl back. Not sure if they completely understand.

I personally think it's very normal to have this guilt. The loss of a baby will never go away, the sadness will linger forever. But I agree with the previous poster that you shouldn't beat yourself up. It's perfectly OK to move forward while remembering the past.

As far as the elephant, indeed they don't forget...Maybe you could think of the elephant as a present from your lost little one to your growing little one.

This exactly, I haven't began to tell people yet though but the rest of it is very on point with me. It's difficult to juggle these emotions, oh course we're happy to have another one we'd be lost without one but there is some guilt about missing the 1st one. It is a struggle, hang in there

stacylynn008 · March 2011

I think the stuffed elephant sounds really cute. And I am right with you on going through some guilty type feelings. I went through the things we accumulated during our first pregnancy, and my MIL bought us a baby book, which is still blank. So now I am kind of torn as to if I should use it for this baby or not.

I really like one of the other poster's idea to consider it a gift from one LO to the other

But I say overall you just have to do whatever feels right for you!

SheLovesMrHip · March 2011

Just want to give you a big hug!!

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