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NBR:How would you respond?

Nancy6306Nancy6306 member
in Parenting after 35

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've anything on here since my three girls keep me especially busy and anytime in front of the computer is quickly interrupted. Here is the situation and I would like to know a proper and polite way to respond.

My old college roommate made a plea for financial help to her friends on Facebook in early February. More specifically, she needed $3,200 to take her pathology boards this Spring. She graduated medical school four years ago and completed her residency/intership.I noticed a decent number of resonses wishing her well and even asking for her address to make a contribution. 

I went ahead and also asked her to inbox me her address so I could send her a little something. She did say every little bit helps. I have known her 20+ even though we live on opposite coasts and I have not seen her for at least 8 years. I really admire her perseverance to further her education and become the doctor she had always wanted to be. She went to medical school years after being a high school biology teacher for years. It really tugged at my heart and I did send her a check for $50.00.

Here is the issue. Based on when I mailed this check, weeks went by and she never got back to me to say that she had (1) received it, (2) no thank via email, or regular mail. Not even a phone call. Well, it started to bother me and I finally sent her an email yesterday to see if she had even received the check, the status on her boards exam, and how proud I was of her for her accomplishments in her career.  She responded back and said she did get the check but ironically, it turns out I was the only one who had sent her any money. She recently became employed at a local hospital (last couple of weeks). She said she will send the check back this weekend and if things go well with her new job, she should be able to save enough to take the boards in October. 

It seems to me (and I may be wrong) that she would want me to respond and say "Don't worry about sending it back and keep the check". I want to respond by saying not to worry about sending it back and to rip it up and I will void it out on my checking register. I don't mind helping people out and the purpose of me sending money was for that particular situation. How would you respond without seeming rude or greedy?  

Three beautiful girls! DD#1 8-23-01 DD#2 4-25-07 DD#3 10-19-10
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Re: NBR:How would you respond?

  • itsmexineitsmexine
    I probably wouldn't say anything. I'd just keep the conversation moving by congratulating her on her new job and wish her luck on her boards.
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  • Nancy6306Nancy6306 member
    I feel obligated to give her a response since she did say she was going to send the check back this weekend. I don't think that it's necessary, considering she lives in CA and I live in MA. I just want to say "rip it up" and spare yourself the time and postage. But I don't want to come across as being cheap. Maybe I'm overthinking this.
    Three beautiful girls! DD#1 8-23-01 DD#2 4-25-07 DD#3 10-19-10
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  • itsmexineitsmexine
    Then just say that. I wouldn't think twice about it if someone said that to me. I'd say thanks for saving me the postage. :)
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  • carladilloncarladillon
    If you truly don't want her to bother sending the check back, then say so and ask her to just make sure it's shredded. If you would feel better getting the check back for your records, then just say you're sorry about nobody else responding, wish her luck with her new job and ask her to keep you updated on her progress with the boards.
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  • ntyravgmomntyravgmom
    I would tell her to keep it towards her savings for taking them in October.
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  • ateytelbateytelb
    Your friend is no longer struggling for money, so she shouldn't cash the check. If you trust her shredding the check, just say smth like "please don't bother mailing the check, just shred it instead". If you don't trust her shredding the check, say smth like: "thank you for offering to send the check back. My current address is:... I will let you know when I receive it". Btw, the FB fundraiser looked weird to me, even if the person did need the money.
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  • Nancy6306Nancy6306 member

    Thanks for the input. I will tell her to go ahead and shred the check. I know she has a lot of debt but she definately won't be hurting for money once her paychecks at the hospital start rolling in. 

    I do agree with the PP about making a plea for money on FB as inappropriate. Although, honestly, I'm am really surprised that No One sent anything....and she has 300+ friends on FB. She had made it very clear that she was unemployed X amount of months after her residency before finally landing this job.

    Three beautiful girls! DD#1 8-23-01 DD#2 4-25-07 DD#3 10-19-10
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  • BrideBuddiesBrideBuddies member

    Boy, you're way more trusting than I am.   Something about this just doesn't add up in my brain.

    Even with the closest of friends or family, I'd never resort to asking for money via Facebook or by an email broadcast to dozens of people.   Then she never mentions anything again about getting a new job, postponing her exam, etc.    Just doesn't sound right, ya know??!

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  • NewMrs07NewMrs07 member
    I think you should tell her to keep the check since you wanted her to have the $50 in the first place. It was a gift, even if she now decided not to use the money for her original purpose. If you ask for it back, you'll seem like an "indian giver". That's what I would do :)
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
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  • Nancy6306Nancy6306 member
    NewMrs07, you made a very good point and this what I would have done had she acknowledged receipt of the check and shown a tad bit of appreciation. She made her plea on FB (although not the most appropriate way to address this need). Even though I consider myself a better friend to her than she is to me, I went ahead and sent a contribution toward THAT need. Several weeks went by and I wondered if she had even gotten the check. It took me emailing her over the weekend to prompt a response from her. I think, and this is just me, that she should have responded almost immediately whether by email, phone calll, whatever to confirm receipt of the check. And for heaven's sake, show gratitude, considering it was the ONLY help she had gotten from her plea. I remember my mom, and I'm of Hispanic descent so I may not interpret this saying perfectly in English, but it is to the effect that appreciation/gratitude costs us very little but it sure goes a long way. 
    Three beautiful girls! DD#1 8-23-01 DD#2 4-25-07 DD#3 10-19-10
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