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Attachment Parenting
Self-discovery... Yes, that's me, the "AP-er"
I recently caused a HUGE argument on another board about my views on formula feeding, on a posting about my breastmilk supply being low (due to an illness). My formula views I shared were that I believe formula should ONLY be used as a last resort if you absolutely CAN'T breastfeed for whatever legitimate medical reason.
After many comments from people telling me to just feed my child formula, I told people I didn't want to feed my child formula just because my milk supply was lower, that I really just wanted some advice on how to increase my milk supply, people started attacking me, and saying I was a bad mother and much worse, so after that I became well pissed off, and started on this rant about how formula feeders are lazy, etc... Which was wrong of me to say I guess, but at the time I was pissed off and wanted to get back at the women who insulted me. Childish of me to say the least...
However stupid the debate became on both sides, it was somewhat helpful and enlightening... a woman accused me of being an "AP-er". I at the time had no idea what this was. So I looked it up. Turns out Attachment Parenting is my exact style of parenting. The woman insulted me and said that freaks like me are why children grow up without a spin and live with their parents their whole lives, that crying it out is okay.
Seriously? Since when is caring for your child's needs a bad thing? I just don't see how else to be a mom. What am I supposed to do, just let me child scream and cry all the time and not care about my child's needs? Sorry, but I don't know how some moms can just listen to their child screaming for them and not attend to their needs, I think ignoring your child is freakish in my opinion.
So although some of my postings have lacked actual helpful insight, at least one mom, although completely rude to me, was helpful in aiding me in discovery of my parenting style and now I have a new book to read because of it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Self-discovery... Yes, that's me, the "AP-er"
Hello and welcome! I love this board, and I agree... being "AP" is just a phrase that describes the only way I know how to be a mommy.
I have the same opinions on formula-feeding... and I formula-feed, lol.
EDIT: I re-read your OP, and I have to clarify, a lot... formula-feeders are NOT lazy. I really hope you didn't mean that. I'm not anti-formula; being anti-formula-feeders means being anti-mommy and anti-baby. As someone once said to me - people who demonize formula-feeding-parents aren't lactivists; they're bullies.
Formula itself I'm not a fan of. I don't like formula companies, and I'm actively working to expand breast milk donation. BUT, don't beat up mommies like me. We've spent more than enough time beating ourselves up. The formula-feeding moms I know are not lazy; they have made a decision for their families and their little ones.
She was given a hard time about her self-righteous attitude. Would any of you "rather die that give your child formula"?
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/48425037.aspx
She DD the post where everyone went nuts (on 6-9) but she was bashing the snot out of FF.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
I just saw this...lol.
I didn't post her thread here to start drama, I just want you guys to know that people didn't just jump out and attack her.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
I debated on whether to comment on this or not, but to be honest I think your post has alot of self rightousness to it. With the whole bf or ff debate, I could care less what someone else feeds their lo. Maybe you could have stated on the other post that you were only looking for help on how to continue bf your lo and didn't want to be told to ff. With the low supply issue, I hope you have gotten some help and figured it out though. And the CIO issue..while we don't use that method, I don't judge others who do (unless it's being done incorrectly and too early, then I try to educate..not judge) I'm sure parents who decided to do CIO and educate themselves about the method..don't want to hear their baby cry either. I think by saying that it's "freakish" to CIO and inferring that they are ignoring their child is turning it around and judging them.
Good parenting, whether it's AP or any other type is about doing what's best for you and your family. Even APers sometimes FF, put there LO's in cribs, CIO, etc.
I'm glad you've found us and welcome. I've been on this board for a very long time, and we are a really cool group of moms/dads. There's rarely drama here, we aren't judgemental and we try to help each other out.
edit: I posted this before I even saw the OP from the other board, that's a whole other story.
Ahh. Well, I was actually *in* that position, and I almost died. Dead mommies do not make breastmilk. As a turn of phrase, it's rather unfortunate, for sure. I *HOPE* the OP regrets the choice of words.
I can sympathize with wanting to avoid formula. I did feed my kid bugs (thanks Similac) and boobs don't usually have bugs.
https://9davids.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-breastfeeding-story.html
you sound like a peach.
not self-righteous at all, awesome.
::sigh:: Welcome, this board is amazing. But please remembr that we tend to be drama free and really try not to be to judge-y over here. Sure we have our tiffs and quirks, but we try to be respectful.
I do believe breast is best and am really into lactivism! BUT that being said I think FF has it's place and it should be up to the mama, she knows he baby and body best. I had to supplement with FF for a short time to help my tiny LO gain a bit.
I had severe Toximia and was on MAG for a bit, the complications I had during pregnacy/right after birth caused some issues when my milk did not contain enough calories and it was just not coming in. He is naturally small, but was really losing to much. It was sad. I choose to literally BF constantly to help my supply and also supplemented with FF t help boost his calories. I am now EBF (except for when we have a babysitter...I don't produce for a pump) and am hoping to get to 2 years! I suggest you take a few days to do a supply vacation where you drink TONS of water, eats TONS of healthy food, and BF all weekend on demand while cuddling all day with baby. BF is the est way to get your supply up.
In the mean time try to remember that we don't know eveyones Story and FF has it's place... I wish you luck in your breastfeeding journey!
Exactly this.
It is great that you feel you have found a commonality in your parenting style but I caution you to avoid alienating yourself from people who have different parenting views. This board reflects a wide spectrum of AP.
Trust me, you will grow tired of the breastfeeding/formula debate soon enough. Focus the energy spent judging other moms on your lo and try to remember that you are a breast feeder not a martyr.
I think she said this really well. I hope that I'm able to breastfeed, but I try not to judge people who formula-feed, even if they never attempted to breastfeed. The key to a happy baby is a happy mama. Some women don't want to be mothers, and I don't fully understand that because I want children so much, but their decision isn't any less respectable than mine. Similarly, some women have no interest in breastfeeding, but still make great mothers and raise healthy babies.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
I saw that thread and no one attacked you. In fact, everyone sort of gave you good advice.
Formula is food. If your child is hungry, it is a very acceptable food.
And formula feeders are anything but lazy. Sticking my boob in my kids mouth at night was far easier than wandering downstairs, prepping & warming a bottle and doing all the dishes afterwards.
I don't even understand the "lazy" part of your argument.
you complete me. for realz :-)
I have always thought the same thing. I pumped and fed bottles for the first few weeks because we couldn't get a good latch and LO was starving, and let me tell you, that was such a pain to do. All those bottles and pump parts were so annoying to clean and I am totally thankful I didn't have to worry about that for too long. Mamas that work and pump, and mamas that feed formula, get respect in my eyes for all that extra work. And at the end of the day, we all are just doing what we need to do to feed our babies.
Welcome to the board, but please leave your negativity at the door.
I figured that the thread would have looked like that....
If you move to canada we can get married! Well, if we chuck off these dudes we married.. hm...
I was only angry when I said that to be honest just because of all the women who bashed me about caring for my daughter. But I don't like formula feeding, I don't think its really healthy to be honest. However, in the event I couldn't breastfeed or my milk supply went away I would most definitely give it to her as a substitute if I had to. But honestly I'd look into milk banks to buy breastmilk first, and use formula only if I had to.
My sister formula fed, and my cousins all formula fed and that's something they chose to do and I supported their decisions because they are my family, and I didn't ever say anything bad to them about their decision, however, it doesn't mean I agree with their decisions. If people formula feed, that's fine, I don't care, its their child not mine. I only stated those mean comments about formula feeding out of anger and yes, it was rather immature and stupid of me to do at the time.
I made a statement asking for advice, and stated that I would "just die if I had to give her formula", and then people attacked me for making that one statement. I then bashed formula feeding after people attacked me and said horrible comments to me about being a bad mother and all of that. Then some of the women tracked me down off of the internet and sent me horrible e-mails insulting me and threatening me. I made my comments out of anger, and yes that was wrong of me, but I can't change what happened. I only made this post to explain why I got called an "AP-er", not to start the drama again.
It was done on two different boards. One was very helpful, and the other one not so much.
I can't deny what you are saying. You're absolutely correct. But as I've stated already several times. I said what I said about formula feeders out of anger. It was wrong of me, absolutely.
Everyone generalizes and judges in some form or another, and NO ONE is innocent of this. I have my opinions and I shared them. I do realize that some people don't follow AP 100% and I don't myself either, however, it does describe my parenting style to about 85-90%
I don't agree with the way many others parent their children and when people post things that I don't agree with, I may state my opinion, but I don't insult them. However, I did lose my cool on my other posting about my formula feeding comments and I'm 100% guilty for my statements. However, if you were in a situation where about 25 women or so insult you on a board, just because you said you didn't want to feed your child formula, and then e-mail you, and threaten to call the police on you for child endangerment, and all of that, then you might lose your cool too, and shout off an insulting comment or two to them saying they are lazy or whatever comes to your mind at that particular time as well.
Again, I was not posting this to start up drama again, I was simply making a statement about how I came to realize my parenting style.
In a typical standing, I do not judge others for the way they parent. I do not like the way many people parent, but I certainly don't think they are bad parents for it. I however, completely made an ASS out of myself on those other boards with my formula feeding comments, and that was less than characteristic of me and well the postings and comments speak for themselves.
For the mix up that happened on the other board for my comments, I apologize for offending those people out of anger, however, some of those women also know the things they said to me on that board and to my personal e-mail account and that those comments were FAR worse than any stupid, ignorant comment I made about formula feeding.