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Stay at Home Moms
robinsokj
member
Question: How do you feel about
robinsokj
member
SAHMs that have full time nannies? Let's assume that these SAHMs are able bodied to do the job themselves.
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Re: Question: How do you feel about
I don't really care.
I mean, I don't get it. But I don't really care.
ETA: you know, I think I just lied. I would have a lot of thoughts and opinions. But I think I would need to know the specific case to have specific feelings. I know (and absolutely adore) a mom who SAH and has 2 kids and a nanny with her much of the time. She does a ton of charity work (meaning she is gone a lot), her husband travels for big stretches at a time, and she is hispanic - so the nanny is kind of a cultural thing - she (the mom) had a nanny the same way when she was growing up. This mom is very hands on with her kids but uses this wonderful nanny lady as her right hand man who is also very hands on with the kids. This mom is one of the best mothers I have ever encountered. I can picture the SAH mom who is disconnected with a nanny who does everything and is the primary care giver and would have to question a lot...
Lucky b*tches.
No, I guess I don't really understand. If money were no object, I could see myself getting some help once or twice a week to run errands or read a book, but a full-time nanny would feel in the way.
I don't get it. I know one. She's in my mom's club. Apparently they have a lot of extra money to spend! I think it is a shame she doesn't seem to want to take care of her kid full time since she isn't working, but whatever. It is not my business. Also it is kind of strange because she will send her nanny with her son to our mom's club stuff. The whole point is for the moms to get together and she sends the nanny. Her nanny is super nice, we all like her, its just strange.
I can't imagine there are too many people who do this unless they are pretty well-off?
I think it's stupid. I guess if there was some valid reason why a SAHM can't be with her kids then a nanny would be ok, but I can't think of any reason a person who doesn't work so she can be with her kids wouldn't be able to take care of their kids.
I think of it as something that a person with a lot of money would do but I don't think their intentions would be very good. An occasional babysitter etc. is one thing but a full time nanny is just ridiculous IMO.
Not how I would roll- but to each their own. Wouldn't bother me what someone else did.
I was a nanny while i was in college. She was a SAHM. Well she liked to say she was a writer. Even though in the three years i worked for her she never wrote. lol. She was a 'mom' of leisure. I had a monitor in my apartmet which was detached from the house and i was the one who got up in the middle of the night. She would go and play tennis, have lunch with her friends, go to yoga, shop, etc. Shame because her child was a real sweetheart and cuddlebug. I will never forget the day that she told me she wanted me to teach her son how to say mama. ::sigh:: ok lady. yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
This exactly
I think we will probably have a FT nanny while I work PT starting this summer. I think it will be especially helpful when we have another baby. I will probably work from 7-9am every day, and again from 10-3pm two days a week. I will have the nanny 7-3p every day.
It would be nice to be able to take a nap if I want to, go shopping, meet a friend for lunch, spend one on one time with my children, decorate my house and the nursery, go the the doctor and dentist solo, or just with one child, and exercise. It will also be nice just to have another person around to talk with.
I could demand more from DH so that I could do this stuff, but he has enough demands on him at work, and I would like him to enjoy his time at home with his family. His job is what it is, and he isn't going to work less. However, he makes enough money to hire a nanny to help me out at home and make all of our lives a little more pleasant, so why not?
Would I do it? Noooooo freaking way. I don't get it and it makes me a little confused but meh... I'm happy doing my thing so whatever.
I would probably have judged more when I was newer mom.. I was much more judgemental then. As Jude ages and now that I have Noel, I realize I don't care what other people do much.
Noel - August 2010
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I don't really care how people spend their money, so if money isn't an issue then do what makes you happy
I guess I don't understand it, because the main reason I chose to SAH was to spend time with my kids. We all need a break and time for ourselves but a full time nanny just doesn't fit with the reasons we chose this lifestyle
DS 3.12.08
DD 7.11.09
DD 8.01.13
I don't care.
I don't find a full-time nanny strange for a SAHM. I do find a live-in nanny strange though if you're a SAHM (I know people with this situation). But hey, it's not my money........
If she's home doing nothing or shopping/having lunch/at the gym for hours on end every day while she pays someone else to watch her kid, I'd have to give the side eye to that. I think it's sad for the child(ren) that he/she sees their own mother is around, but has someone else take care of them. What kind of message does that send?
If she is home, but spends her day volunteering or doing something worthwhile to give back in some way, I can sort of see it. However, I still don't see why you wouldn't want to spend that time and raise your own child, if you have the means to be home. You can volunteer full-time when they are in school. To each her own, I guess.
Depends on where you live. Around here it's $500-$700 per week.
To all the posters who claim to not have an opinion... it's not that you have to CARE, but you really don't have an opinion? At all? I don't believe that that's the case for most people, even though the majority of posters seem to respond in that manner for these types of posts.
I have an opinion, and I'm happy to share it honestly. :-)
If a SAHM gets a babysitter a few times a week because she needs time to herself, then it makes sense to me. If a SAHM has a nanny come 40+ hours a week because she has several small children and honestly needs the help, then lucky her, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
If she has a full-time nanny so she can sleep in, go to lunch, hit the gym, and go shopping, and otherwise occupy herself in order to not spend time with her kids, then I think she is selfish and wasting these precious years she could be spending with her kids.
If a SAHM has a full-time nanny because she is volunteering/writing/ill/ or doing something that otherwise requires a good chunk of her time, then to me that is no different than a working mom having a nanny. I wouldn't give it another thought.
But I'm not going to pretend that I don't have an opinion at all about a "lady of leisure" hiring someone to be with her children because she needs to spend all day every day on herself. 40 hours a week of "me time" while your children hang out with someone else sounds pretty awful, IMO.
I was a full-time nanny while I attended grad school in 2003, and I made about $32,000/year (they based it on a first year teacher's salary at the time).
I don't care per se. It's not something I'm going to lose sleep over. I was just wondering about opinions. I don't expect some heated discussion here.
I'm pretty much on board with what the first responder put in her ETA. I think it was the first one anyway.
I don't understand it at all. There aredays when it would be nice to have help but isn't one of the reasons you SAH is to raise your kids yourself? I was a FT nanny for a SAHM (the dady also WAH) and it was so weird to me. The mom would be hanging out and the kids would want to spend time with her but she would tell them she didn't have time. The dad would be done with work early and sit in the living room and watch TV and not interact with the kids at all and I would end up watching the kids until around 5. It was really confusing for the kids because if their mom saw them doing something she didn't like she would discipline but she wouldn't sit down and play with them. I think that if you have a FT nanny you shouldn't call yourself a SAHM since someone else is watching your kids.
I don't think you read all the responses. Every single poster HAD an opinion on this question. I'm not sure why you would ask this?
Most of us said we didn't care how others spent their money, but did give an opinion.
I grew up with a live in nanny. My mom helped my dad with his business and did volunteer work at our school and with other organizations but she also did things for herself - went to the gym, met up with friends, went away with my dad every few months. And you know what? She was a fantastic mother - smart, accomplished and heavily involved in every aspect of our lives. She is one of my closest friends and gives great parenting advice. Just because you bring in someone to help doesn't mean you relinquish your role as mother to that person. Being a mom is hard and if you can afford help why wouldn't you take it?
I think its fine. I don't think its much different than a woman who doesn't need to work but still chooses to. You don't have to spend a certain amount of hours with your child to be a good parent.
What the heck is a night nurse? They get up with your baby? Where do you find someone to do that?
If I ever get knocked up with twins again the first thing I'm doing is hiring a night nurse.
ITA!
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
Exactly this. I also have to add that I'd find a full-time nanny to be in my way. A regular sitter once or twice a week to occupy the kids so I could catch up (running errands, cleaning, etc.) would be fine, but having someone full-time would make me feel crowded.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
I think the problem isn't with having a nanny, the problem is if you aren't spending quality time with your kids. As a SAHM there are times where DS plays alone so i can flip laundry, start dinner, clean etc. where if I had someone there to play with him he would have the quality time with me and time with someone else when I can't always be right there.
I was a full time nanny before having DS for a SAHM. The family had newborn twins and a 2 year old and she really needed the help. Once the kids were big enough where she could handle all three with no problem, it was still nice for me to be there so she could spend one on one time with each child and so we could go places with the kids.
Point being, if the nanny is there to fully replace time that should be spent with mom/dad then I'm against it, but if a nanny is working along side mom/dad then that is OK in my book.
I didn't read all of the replies as I am just on for a second before running out for the day.
I was a nanny for a SAHM for 2 years in college. Not quite full-time as I didn't live in the house but I did work about 25-30 hours a week. The mom initially hired me when DC#2 was born as she had some health issues and didn't feel that she could take care of DC#1 properly at the time. Her husband was an executive and both families lived on the other side of the country. After about 4 months (once her post-baby health issues were resolved) she slowly resumed her charity work but also spent a lot of time with us. I was certainly a luxury which they could afford but I didn't replace her as the mom.
Typically, I would stay with one kid while she took the other to the doctor or a play date or a museum. I did the dishes, minor cleaning and cooked for the kids but they had a cleaning lady that came in once a week to take care of everything else. The mom got to run errands by herself, have lunch out with friends and never worry about juggling two kids at the mall! I was there one afternoon to evening on the weekends so the parents could attend social functions (they were part of Atlanta society) or have date nights.
Having spent a lot of time with "society people" I can say that this mom and dad spent a ton more time with their kids than your typical society family. It was a great job for me too!
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
As PP have mentioned, it depends on the circumstances. If they're doing it to sleep in until 10am and have the day to themselves, that's pretty lousy. If they have a whole lot of kids/volunteer/do something productive with the time their nanny is there, not a big deal.
Personally, if I were in the situation where I was this wealthy, I would certainly want a housekeeper and a cook full time so I could devote my time to my kids. I'd probably seek out some sort of childcare/nanny situation a few hours a week to get a break, but I definitely wouldnt seek the services of a nanny to take care of my kids 40+ hours a week. In terms of volunteering, I wouldnt see the need to do that until the kids were in school full time.